Disney's Dumbo: First impressions

Apparently we're not just doing classic children's stories, then, since I have no idea what this is about. A clown? A big hulking dimwit? Honestly I have no context for what this is going to be, other than (hopefully) entertaining. Time for movie #4 on my Disney tour. Come on and join me :D

SOMEone won't let me see the case to the DVD, so I guess this will just be a surprise. Fine, whatever, I trust them. Except the short lady one. Don't trust her at all. You all know why. Ohhh you all know why.

Anyway! Enough chit-chat, off we go. Roomie brought home a big can of peanuts to snack on. It's no pizza, but you know what? They're pretty good in a pinch. Kind of addictive, actually.

|RKO RADIO PICTURES

Walt Disney presents

DUMBO

Bombastic score

Clowns. Called it I'm a genius yup it's a circus

Never actually been to a circus. I guess they just aren' a thing any more

Clowns are kind of fhastly, actually

Hm... is it the strongman? Or a clown?

OR GOZER

It was a dark and stormy night... Through the snow and sleet and hail, through the lbi oh we're doing verse

 ...well then

Look out for Mr. Stork, I guess. He's... a serial child abductor?

Our story is probably set in Florida, which is being beset by a Dambusters run of baby bombs

ANIMAL BABIES

ohhh okay I was worried there

"and when he comes around... he'll hit you with his fist..."

hheeeee tiny giraffe

Not for you, elephant mama

AN EXCITING TRAIN this music's really cheery wow they've gotten a lot more confident at putting humans on screen

...um no what's with THOS Egiraffes, they look terrible

Hello bitchyface purple elephant

Train whistle is a robot. Check.

I sense another song coming DOWN THE TRACk, COMING DOWN THE TRACK

What's up stork

Well I mean you are

YEah keep a hold of that thing would you

I'll bet it's a baby elephant. Named Dumbooooh you fucker Roomie peanuts

NOPE.

Mrs JUUUUUMBOOOOOOO

Bet it goes there

Man you're all rude

Alright y'goddamn telegram stork shut it up

Man you're all glaring like he killed your cat

that's not gonna end wellYOINK

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwww that is adorable

SHUT UP ALL OF YOU he's the cutest thing

oh buzz off bitchface

CARTOON ELEPHANT SNEETHE FUCK

...you're not the brightest are you

 can you cook elephants cause I really wyeah you tell 'em Mrs. Jumbo holy cow those ears though

built-in swaddling, I guess

another one of Disney's insanely catchy mini-songs

Why is it getting all dark with the most SINISTER ROBOT TRAIN VOICE EVER I sense trouble

music's going all off kilter this is bad news there is STRESS AFOOT

Dumbo reminds me of Pinocchio for some reason. I think it's the eyes

I can't make out any of the lyrics but it has not escaped my notice that the human laborers are all quite dark. Work on that shit please Disney

I mean it may be historically accurate but still

The lighting and scene framing continues to be excellent

happy hardhead rascal louts?

I guess it really would be a ton of work to set up holy crap that's a huge tent

I found an important guy in a red coat

So the men so far are all exaggerated but Disney's definitely working on it

"nobody here to spit on, why bother"

okay these clowns are all messed up

it's the naive little smile oh come on don't do that to the kid

BATHTIME he's just the happiest thing

Odd how none of the animals can talk except for elephants
and then mostly the bitchy ones

hehehehe this is likethe best thing ever playing hide and seek with mommy

 YOU'RE ONE TO TALK, DUMBASS

oh you're asking for it kid

THIS IS STRESS

THIS IS LOTS OF STRESS

Pasued

guys no

no why

just no okay I have to come back to this later. Just no

Okay I'm back and I'm calm and we can keep going.

Resume

this is still really stressful and depressing oh come on not the bitchfaces

Why does this strike me as Jiminy Cricket: Mouse Version

EXCUSE THE FUCK YOU?>>>>

NOPE EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU?

oh you are all just the worst

Go scare the shit out of them

VICTORY oh take that you wretched foul ows

shakeashakeashakea

Hat of holding, apparently

"that's what you think"

don't do the false hope thing. You'd better have a plan

"...really?"

Thank you for making him feel good. I needed that too.

he's just the happiest thing having someone to hold onto

WHATANIDEEEEEA

why am I watching a fat pompos man's silhouette strip

"I don't know" good job top hat

see now this movie is sounding dirty

"you're a climax" indeed

yeah I went there. You can't stop me.

If his career as a climax doesn't work out you could teach him to be a ninja, Fancy Mouse

OMINOUS SHADOW

hehehehe scheming

"climaaaaaaaaabhgl"

DUMBO... DUMBO!

They really are pushing themselves on the humans

pfft YOU accusing anyone else of being a stuffed shirt

even though he's stuffing his shirt...

why do I feel like this is going to fail terribly

you realize this would have been tough enough WITHOUT the ball, yes?

owwwwwwww that would suck CLUMSU OX

this whole thing just screams idiocy

D!

yeah this is going to backfire on Jiminy Notcricket

this is a terrible terrible idea

well I suppose that's a way to do it

uh oh

well as long as you're coming down, ou may as well crush terrible leaderbitch to death

yes I'm endorsing this I hate her so mcuh

ASSASSIN, isn't that a bit harsh
given that he hasnt killed you yet I mean annnnnnnnnnnnd now the tent's coming down

wwwwwwwwwow that went worse than I preducted

D :(

Dark and stormy night part 2: in which Dumbo is sent BACK to heave :(

Nobody wanted to see your face anyway HAHAHA TAIL CAST

suffer you dumb cows

oh not you again yellow cap. Everyone hates you

oh so I was technically correct.

oh right like you ever considered him one to begin with

he's still insanely cute THE FUCK IS THST LCOWN WWEARING

pfftt ladder

hahahahah hydrant

THANKS FOR BEVERAGE

oh come on that's animal cruelty

SERIOUSLY the elephant head mask thing is the creepiest

GAS???

hehehe the clowns disarming

...you are literally bathing him with his own tears now.

DING there we go. That's a thing hey I like the hat. It's jaunty

"I hope she's in" Captain Insensitive is here

this movie is going to hst kill my heart isn't it

hyenas sleep-laughing

ostriches KANGAROO ROCKING CHAIR

I hate you all for letting me watch this, just for the record

"simple mathematics." Well yes, being SIMPLE is THEY'RE MADE OF RUBBER? EXCUSE oh fuck me

and now a new song

and they wasted all their beer too

HEHHAHAHAHAA OH MY GOD THAT NOISE IS THE CUTEST

oh no no no nooooooo

this is not a solution

this is a problem

uh oh

Now he turns into a donkey?

BUBBLES

hmm

this can only end poorly for everyone involved

WHAT ARE THESE NOISES

I have located the drunks

"BALLOONIS"

HIYA GEROGE

Fancy Mouse is having a heck of a lot of luck

...well then

are we doing this? :D SILLY DRUNK BUBBLES?

CUBE SUCCESS

GHOST ELEPHANT

oh what what the what

...are we having a song with hallucinated elephant bubbes?

WHAT ARE THESE THINGS

HONK but WHY?

they just keep multiplying for the most absurd reasons

oh now they're marching around the screen this sin't optimal

why are they SO GODDAMN FREAKY

...Pink elephants

ON THEIR HEADS

WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT

did he drop acid or did I WHTHE FUCK IS THAT FACE GOLEM

annnnnnd its eyes are puramids of course they are and now an elecamel

which is now a snake which is now a freaky belly dancer which is a I GIVE UP

I'm in the Far Realm aren't I

this is wht has happened

who was on acid when this happened

speculative reflections of elephants are dancing and now there's snow and THEY HAVE LIGHTNING

and it's a dance party...?

he zapped the small one and ut tuned into CARS NOW TRAINS WHAT erap'foh

JUST

PAUSED

THE FUCK

THE. FUCK.

THE FUCK.

I don't even have like

 well then. I am never, never, EVER doing acid.

resuming

and they're clous oh I really hppe we're back to normal

a trere.

...that is some HIGH FALUTIN RACISM RIGHT THERE ON MY SCREEEN

NOEP

HOW DID THAT WHAT

What are they doing up a tree

Wow even for this era that's all kinds of racism

HAHAHA the eyebrows

I'm with you, Racist Caricature Crows.

WHAT ARE WE DOIN' DOOOOWN HERE???

BROTHER RAT????!

the eyes are the best thing

it's just

I can't even

it hurts to laugh

Well then. Does he climb trees drunk?

HE FLEW :D

HE'S A FLYING ELEPHANT?!?!?! :D

Oh this just got fantastic

oh here comes a song

oh they're flogging idioms. I kind of love it, casual racism notwithstanding...

Goddamn this is catchy too

You tell 'em Fancy

REV'REND RODENT IS GONNA AD-DRESS YOU

The "magic feather," eh?

poor little crow getting squished

and then Dumbo summoned the doom cloud and everyone evolved

:D

guys I'm watching a flying elephant

FLYING ELEPHANT

thyAT can't be good for those power lines

oh not the goddamn elephant mask again

oh wow they really did raise it up. Nutballs

ah crap

fancy talking time

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOM

you don't want me to be an elephant? Fine, I'mma be a bird

suck it, clowns

Peanuts :D

DO IT

RATATATATATATATTAT suck it bitches

hee newspaper covers

Timothu Mouse, eh?

YESSSS MRS JUMBO IS OUT

Ear-hug

"I wish I'd have got his autograph!"

Wait that's it?

Wow, that was... really really short. Okay then. Maybe we'll do another one. Maybe.