Star Wars: Return of the Jedi first impressions

Burger. Frosty beverage. Total lack of readiness. Complete and utter excitement.

I'm on the last film, folks.

Let's do this.

IT'S STILL AWESOME EVERY TIME

I'm going to miss this

 YES, we're rescuing Han. Told you

A new weapon that's worse than the Death Star and the DEATH TRIANGLE

I am so on board for the DEATH CUBE

wait

That's the DEATH STAR

DEATH STAR II: SCARIER THAN YOU REMEMBER IT

BIG SHIP LOVE IT feels real again guys

Vader's coming

Is it just me or is the theme more eerie than before

Sir Not Happy To Be Here

Oh this is his movie alright.

Vader's got NO TIME FOR YOUR PLEASANTRY SHIT

STRANGLING HE MEANS STRANGLING

ohwait

what

Not as forgiving as you are WHAT I AM NOT EVEN READY FOR THIS

is the emperor actually awesome YOU GUYS I AM SOLD

oh god Vader might not be the end

I think I just got something right about Jabba

hehehe coward WHAT THE EYEBALL

no that eyeball just laughed at them

why are the droids there I told you about splitting the party

guys what if Jabba is one of Chewy's people and Chewy's the mole oh god mind racing STRESS

and we have a dungeon adventure, just like that. SOLD.

SPACE ORC

JABBA HIRES SPACE ORCS

oh guys I just had a thought WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU

like his throat has a bulge it's creepy

Nay Jabba no badda. I'm just going to say this to people.

what

OHH.

so Jabba's friends with the Monster Manual. why not

wait that's JAbba?

Jabba the Butt, more like

OHH

ohgod those eyes

OHH

the fuck is that thing

she's got tentacles on her head WHAT GIVES WITH THESE THINGS

oh come on don't give away the droids Luke

he totally just said "he's no Jedi"

oh Han oh my god it's still horrible

yes thank you music I needed you to tell me how bad I feel about that

oh god it's like a creepy reprise of the bar

the bar AND the Jawa robot collector

what's happening to that one

robot's got NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT C3P0

oh well that's no fun

seriously that's the trash can robot from the first ARE THEY TORTURING IT

sounds like a BBQ restaurant crossed with a blues hall

oh come on you needed computer graphics in this too?

she;'s on a chain. that's all kinds of disturbing

what

that outfit looks like it came right out of someone's masturbatory fantasies

what the hell is down there and why are you all laughing

oh god the tongue

OHH

SPACE MIND FLAYER you saw it

oh come on how do you do this to me not Chewy too

Serious Dangerous Man is here

Jabba's got NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT

pausing to say it sounded like he just said "GONNA EAT YOU LIVE" and I would believe that. Look at him.

HO HO HO HO worst santa ever

it's like a crazy birdmonkey

oh SDM knows you the bad guys gather!

LANDO OH NOW IT'S ON

if he had his cape this would all be done now, just saying

don't know where this is going

Leia maybe

that's just eerie

YES HE'S ALIVE

for some values of that term

ohgod I just feel so bad for him rigt now

GOT ONE RIGHT I feel so smart

worst Santa is here oh well there's the whole gang

these creatures are all so alien it's amazing in a creepy way

oh ew grosss

someoine needs to kill the little birdmonkey thing

so when does Luke arrive we need Luke

is that Luke or Vader or ohgod who is ti

LukeI think

wait he's using Vader powers ohgod I'm right he's gone Dark Force

pausing for what the hell is that getup they have Leia in seriously. someone on this film was all about the 13 year old boy market

Luke's kind of ominous here and it worries me

that's Ben's trick LUKE IS AWESOME NOW

He must be allowed to speak I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT I AM JABBA

worst Santa won't fall for it

the Monster Manual's about to sneak attack you, Luke

look I was right SDM is Jabba's right hand guy

oh Luke you fell for it always check for traps bro

ohgod here it comes here what comes WHY DOES HTIS ALWAYS HAPPEN

not a fan not a fan

is that Greeno

left had man sorry

okay obvious computer insert is bad

NICE KILL

hahaha I'm sorry fat guy I bet that was your pet

oh classic adventurer dialogue

worst santa is pervy and gross

Jabba's space jazz has a different groove.

and a blue purple elephant

oh we're back where we started! I didn't catch that somehow

A PLAN I like plans :D

full of shit, Jabba, full of shit. so grosss

"serving drinks" I love it

WHAT THE ALMIGHTY FUCK IS THAT THING

ONCE AGAIN, WHY IS THIS ALWAYS A THING

are those like the original space orcs without their burlap on?

or are they space lizardfolk or what are they

PLAN

AWESOME MUSIC YES I AM SOLD THAT ONE IS GREEN WHAT IS E?VEN HAPPENING NOW

NO DON'T KILL LANDO

SDM IS HERE

ohshit he's caught Luke

...well then

KILL HIM LEIA

ohgod the tail gorss

seriously what is with the fetish outfit. geek sex icon?

amazing hero music LOVE IT

yES ZAP HIM R2

how did that do RIGHT FAKE HAND\

C3P0 upside down

YES KABOOM HERO MUSIC SOLD I AM ALL ON BOARD WITH ALL OF THIS WE HAVE A FULL PARTY

NO STOP DOING THAT I HAVE TOLD YOU

Yoda time

oh god they're putting on a full show

this is it isn't it

this is him

and he matters

oh god it's on now

super creepy red guys

oh the music is just eerie

Sir Not Happy To Be Here is as name suggests

Luke will seek Vader? Oh god he's already corrupt isn't he

Space lich. Seriously.

oh come on, you can't get sick 900 okay then that's really friggin old

I suppose this had to happen but that still doesn't mean I want it :(

it's true oh god it's true

not ready for the burden he's going to need the easy way I'm right aren't I

don't go Yoda, we still need you

the powers of the emperor HE DID THIS? WELL SHIT.

explains the suit

twin what

new character again :D

oh WHAT NO

WHAT

REBELS YES

with... fishhead people?

CAPE

nah movie's over Rebels win Lando has his cape back

Leia's mom?

That would make her Luke's mom too then

Vader vs. Mrs. Vader that would be quit ethe thing

love Admiral Fishman's voice

EVEN BETTER VERSION OF THE FIRST TIME I am SOLD on this

WITH LANDO YES YES YES

Adventure party! SOLD

so it really is Lando's ship then

:(

It feels like leaving part of the team behind to not have the Millennium Falcon

I'm with you, Han. :(

HERE WE GO AGAIN YES

most wonderful sight love it


boy the emperor hates lightbulbs doesn't he

get the shield, then blow up the DEATH STAR II this is excellent

what they still have the DEATH TRIANGLE

well shit you guys are doomed

this is going better than his last conversation with them anyway.

HHA fly casual it hurts to laugh

he knows oh he knows

hey wait it's PETE he's still alive! Amazing

the new DEATH STAR is like this cyclopean skull and it's eerie. It actually lokks like it deserves the name DEATH STAR

another forest planet. curses.

HAHAHHAHA oh it hurts to laugh. It's me!

those are new helmets.

Chewy has NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT flying man

that looks icnredibly dangerous

yeah you got treed man

he can deflect lasers with his lightsaber SOLD

why would you bring C3P0 to a camouflage job he sticks out like a gold thumb

what

it's like a baby Chewy

is this Chewy's homeworld or is that a different thing it does have ears and red eyes and Chewy doesnt

making friends is easy when you bring the cookies

WHAT THE FUCK ARE HATS I DON'T WANT THEM

what is it?

they're wearing bright white how do they sneak up on anybody

it's just the worst device for moving through forests, seriously. every single one up to now has exploded

the music's impish. It's curious

the throne room again. the emperor is as far from the light as possible. obvious message

his window is like some sort of fractured doorway or spiderweb looking out into the void

 Vader's throne is better though

he sees the future like Yoda I am not happy with how STRESSFUL THAT IS

\I told you about splitting the party, why do you keep doing ti

I TOLD YOU TO CHECK FOR TRAPS I WAS VERY CLEAR

there is no way that is a clever plan

HAHAHHAHAHHHA it hurts to laugh

...seriously? it's just a whole alien species of teddy bears?

they're adorable but come on

what are they doing now

Luke that is thebest trying not to lauigh face

AGAINST MY PROGRAMMING HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA I LOVE IT SO MUCH

HAHAHHAHAHA oh this is fun

cannibal teddy bears WELL ALRIGHT THEN

OH THAT'S JUST THE BEST THING PAYBACK IS A BITCH

and we've got a party. Still need Lando though

"I didn't take levels of wizard!"

"BOOM!"

C3P0's whole time in the story has been waiting for that one part and it was so great

"never knew I had it in me" AMAZING

and Han's now got a pet teddy bear DIDN"T THINK I'D BE WRITING THAT EVER

Han you're such a dick I love it but don't mess with a golden god

so that wasn't Leia;s mom then. Would have figured i had that right for sure

Pause. Leia's face is like where I'm still at with that whole thing.

The musical cue sells it for me. She's got Force senses already doesn't she THAT'S HOW SHE HEARD HIM AT THE END okay I'm on the same page now

...there is GOOD IN HIM? HAVE YOU MET VADER

YOU DID YES AND HE CUT OFF YOUR HAND AND KILLED YOUR EVERYTHING

Han she just got told her father's the right hand of Space Darkness. chill out a bit maybe

that is definitely a Vader ship it moves like him

yup OH HEY WALKING TANKS ARE BACK

Vader's like "seriously? I thought he was kidding about that"

god Vader's gigantic

Vader's got NO TIME FOR YOUR NAME SHIT

your optimism is extremely misplaced it is not going to be father son bonding time now

oh you didn't realize he could tell the future I can see it in your eyes Luke

he actually sounds regretful there what the hell did the Emperor do to him

the music comes back and underscores that Vader's still Vader this is just so well executed

AWESOME LANDO IS THE MANDO WITH THE FLEET

I just wrote that but I'm not even sorry

Han and Lando share a taste for interesting copilots

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

The Endorians do make sense as scouts, I'll take it

Heh, Han's bringing the chuckles it hurts to laugh

AND WE'RE INTO THE DUNGEON

still looks so goddamn creepy

this is a really well-designed set I am feeling its power

he still looks like nothing

and he's got Force powers of telekinesis too

wait what the crap is wrong with his eeys

They're YELLOW he KNOWS oh crap

TOLD.

the Emperor's musical theme is just uncomfortable and oppressive oh god he knows everything what's going to happen

he looks like someone melted his face off and let it cool

oh well everything's going south fast now

"you rebel scum" says Captain Contempt

IT'S LIKE THE FIRST MOVIE

the music is not happy what's wrong oh no the SHIELD IS STILL UP FUCK

OH GOD IT'S A TRAP THE DEATH TRIANGLE WAS THERE

seriously it's like he's a space lich I said that already don't care it's true

hey wait those ones have two legs THAT'S A LOT OF ARMY

what are you doing

what

really? teddy bears vs. empire?

STRESS

well really Endorians what did you think was going to happen

now this is a star war

oh god don't want to know

OH WELL FUCK

NOT THE PLANET NO

HAN LEIA DROIDS NO

 right

right the shield I'm dumb

R2 WHAT THE HELL stop getting shot

oh the scream why :(

:(

guys no if you're going to put stupid teddy bears on screen don't do this

he's going over

yeah he's going to do it I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT THIS TIME OKAY?

STRESSFUL

the last one was the stressful one why are we making it worse

Chewy's got NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT

you know the small two leg ones are really shitty and cheap when you think about it

CLOTHESLINED

OH NO

STOP SHOOTING THE PARTY

Leia is now the best. Fact.

you know without his shop Han does a lot more comic relief it's weird

OH GOD IT'S ON

DON'T TURN IT OFF YOU IDIOT THAT'S VADER

OH GOD THE MUSIC

INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF STRESS

thank you Lando for having a soothing voice straight out of the soul of jazz

okay things are looking up but what's going on in the duel place I don't like this at all

ohgod he knwos this is it it's gonna happen he's gonna snap THERE IT IS

AND HERE'S THE MUSIC OH HERE IT ALL IS IT'S THE END I'M NOT READY OH NO

Luke's gone over. He just overpowered Vader. I'm just waiting. He's gone. How will he make it happen I don't even know. I'm not ready.

so be it Jedi

why am I afraid

KABOOM this is what I need right now thank you movie

that laugh's endearing

THE FUCK

the Dark Force. This is it isn't it this is the real thing he's the guy he's THE guy oh god

Lightning. Blue lightning and oh god the sounds it's not even human andymore NOT READY FORTHIS

ITS IN HIS TEETH OH MY FUCK NO

what just

what the hell was he

Vader sounds like he's gone

okay that happened

DAMBUSTERS II

YES YES YES AWESOME GIVE ME ALL OF THIS ON A PIZZA

oh god space claustrophobia it's jsut the best thing this is awesome why was this not the whole movie

the images are just dizzying

THEY KILLED THE DEATH TRIANGLE

the DEATH STAR is that big???? holy monkey

Luke whart are you doing

is this realluy happening

not ready

don't want to see don't show me I have to look don't i

sounds so painful

oh god that looks horrible

it happened

tell yous sister you were right

i'm just shaking rihgt now

the theme

OKAY HERE WE GO immesne

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

holy crap

nobody died

yeah Han I'm right with you on that one that was my face AWW YES THE LOVE THEME stop putting Endorians in things already

so strange to be doing this for Vader I didn';t think things would go this way

this is all computer stuff

I don't recognize half these places

funny how fireworks are still the universal celebration tool

heh helmet drums

dancing droids

LAndo and Chewy hug

YES YODA AND OBI-WAN and is that Vader? he's awful young looking, but he does look a lot like Luke.

THE CAST YES FINAL IMAGE

It feels like the last time I'm going to hear the Star Wars fanfare for a while

What a thing. What a thing.

Thank you all so much for giving these films to me to start with. I don't  know how I missed out on this as a kid. Taking a break from screens for a bit; second thoughts coming up after.

Awesome. Just awesome.