Disney's Pinocchio: First impressions

Lacy's all mad at me for taking jot notes for the second thoughts post for Snow White. Also for making food, but hey, I like food.

Honestly, this blizzard was completely overhyped. I mean sure it snowed but not even half as much as they were worried about. Oh well, I get movies so what do I care? :D

Moving on to Disney #2

Another story everybody knows, even backwater hicks like me. Lonely man is lied to by diminutive wood golem with world's worst poker face. One Polymorph Any Object later and tada, real boy. The part I don't remember is... well, any of the rest of it, really. There's a fairy, a talking cricket and a giant fish or whale or shark. Yeah I have nothing here, I just remember it being kind of preachy and more than a bit deranged. So let's see how Disney does with it!

The thing I'm most looking forward to is seeing how their animation skill progresses. Beyond that, it's just going to be fun. I hope, anyway. Should be.

RKO Radio Pictures

Sort of more impish and charming music hernope there goes that choir again

Oh I've heard this song before so THIS is where it came from!!!

Again with the book. I sense a motif

Hi there fella

Found a talking cricket

I tell you, I hate crickets. So does that book, apparently

Your siblings are assholes, Fancy Cricket, I just want you to know that

Gipetto, right!

Already the animation looks a lot sharper and the backgrounds are really something

This was in his pre-fancy time

The music's just so jaunty :D

I found Pinocchio

CAT

Oh yeah they've definitely gotten a LOT sharper with the animating. Hi Gipetto

Rude, Cricket

heh. Still with the sight gags.

That's cheating, Gipetto. I'm with those two. It's a crazy name

Hm, went from a horse to a crabwalk there. Better practice more there,bud

Huh, that song actually snuck up on me SNEAKED I know better than that

Yeah that would be a pretty distressing sight. And that is one flirtatious goldfish

Oh come on don'\t be a jerk to poor Figaro

You know, working in a clock shop would SUCK if that actually happened ahahaha turkey clock

...is that a TOWN DRUNK CLOCK that's a spank clock it'\s spank o'clock

Heh, Cleo amuses

Little bed for Figaro, too. Nice.

Wait you're making the CAT do it? So far you're just kind of a dick, fella

Can't sleep with a cat in the bed, I really can't. They wake me up to get out

I'm with you, Not Fancy Cricket, that would drive me NUTS

oh well now you're just OCD, no hourglass makes that kind of nohhhhhhhhhhh god the snoring

suppose that works then...

ALIEN INVASION

ugh now I'm thinking of That Movie again, way to go me BLUE FAIRY

hm, she's more cleanly animated than Snow White was, to be sure

no you can't. Your nose should have grown for that one

You're a small voice that he's not gonna listen to, you fit the bill

I don't know how to spell that. It's not Jeremy. Fancy Cricket it is.

Giant looming head

Look at you, failing at explaining things like a boss

Don't be a dick-et, Cricket, he's made of wood, he has no lungs

Disney doesn't understand how echoes work

WHY ARE THESE SONGS SO CATCHY

Oh it's you well that's alright then GET A BRAIN OLD MAN

IU SAID A BRAIN NOT A BLUNDERBUSS

Oh well that's alright then HOLY CRAP IT TALKS

NOPE, WITCHCRAFT, DOUSE MYSELF WITH HOLY WATER

"Strange euphemism for 'penis,' my boy..."

Yeah I made that joke. Not sorry.

Cleo's just giving it away.

Made that joke too. Still not sorry.

okay well on the one hand Gipetto's lost it. On the other hand you can't really blame him

Hey Fancy Cricket, try to stop hitting on wooden figurines, eh?

BAD IDEA NO STOP DESIST ARRETEZ

Fancy Cricket you're no help at all

ah crap is he gonna stay awake and get into trouble

"SO YOU CAN ANSWER YOUR OWN GODDAMN QUESTIONS, BUD"

It\s again simply astounding how much better they got with the animation after one movie.

Like, those kids are all hand-drawn and not particularly repetitive.

hahaha the head didn't turn it's on a dowel

oblivious Figaro is adorable

...why are there animals

he totally just smoked a cigarette butt from off the ground

STROMBOLI, eh? Sounds like I found the villain

and these are henchmen, Talky and A WOODEN BOY

and Animal Dopey, apparently

really? You had to THINK about that one?

Your name so is not Honest John. Not a chance.

HAHAHA I still enjoy slapstick

Do any of Disney's bad apples with bad apples know how to disguise that OBVIOUSLY EVIL thing they do CONSTANTLY with their eyebrows?

SONG

WHO AUTHORIZED THIS JAUNTY CATCHINESS? I SHALL HAVE WORDS WITH THIS PERSON

Tempting fate, Fancy

AHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN ALREADY SEE WHAT'S YEP AHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSS

THE HAT MEGAPHONE I HAVE NOTHING BUT LAUGH

Jimeny? bah whatever he's Fancy and that's all

WHAT

HOW DID WOULD YOU GROW A BRAIN he's not made of straw, he's made of wood, there is no excuse for this

"Dat's-a me too!" hehe

 Guy doesn't seem like a weasel so far

Jeremy is allowed to be wrong sometimes

SONG AGAIN

Kid's only a day old and he's getting more action than any of the hero types I've seen yet

dowelhead trick again

So that was pretty fun :D

NO GET BACK THERE YOU MORON oh that felt like a burn "what does an actor need with a conscience"

I feel your pain, Figaro

IMMABABBLEAFAKEDITALIANITTASOUNDASOGOODA

...the hell does he have a cage for

how does that body language have a thing to do with any of those places

Look, never trust a jolly man with a machete, it's just common sense man don't threaten to burn the living puppet. S'rude

There's that pathetic fallacy again. Yes I know I shouldn't be so pleased that I know that

Seriously that's not a name. Rachel, spell that for me.

"He said that he's going to push my face into everybody's eye" well that is pretty rude...

"that's what I said" heh

Too bad you're not affiliated with any fairies of the blue variety...

Music stop making me sad, it's very rude

When does the nose go, anyway?

Incoming miracle

ohhh yeah the nose thing's gonna start happening now

"Just thought I'd show you my ass, nothing to worry about"

...you know, there's dumb and then there's THAT kind of dumb

dude you just created life from your lies. Maybe check yourself on that whole "chopped me up into firewood" bit...

WHY ARE YOU NOT WITH THE BRAIN OF HAVE

Oh well this looks like it's going in the wrong direction hello asshole

...he just ate a smoke ring

Who are YOU, Jabba?

Coahman, eh?

WELP HE'S A PEDO

Pleasure Island. PEDO

THE. FUCK. NOPE.

So... paused

Can we just have all kinds of none of what he is? Hot damn

I don't even get where we're going with this but this is one fat man in red who I don't want to see anywhere NEAR children

fine, unpausing. I'm getting dirty looks again

I'm actually getting STRESS purely on the strength of how much I don't want to know what's going on

Love the fake running though

This whole thing is just great I have to say

Hello obvious new character with red hair

Lamprey. Charming name.

Guy looks like a rabbit with the nose and mouth like that. Or a hamster or something.

Riiiiiiight let's just go inside this cave, nothing to worry about

DON'T WASTE MEAT AND PIE

...they're giving cigars to children. "Phony" is not the word I'd use

What is this nonsense

 WITH DEMON MINIONS. WELP THIS JUST GETS BETTER AND BETTER

RIGHT DONKEYS I REMEMBER NOW

well that place went to hell fast

That is a killer billiards trick

They've managed to get him to make the most asinine facial expressions HAHAHAHA WITH THE EYES

Them's fighting words, Lamprey

You and what army, Fancy?

Well that's a macabre sight

OKAY NO, THIS IS JUST THE WORST THING

Those are some pretty epic ears, bud

...that's surprisingly distressing

NOPE I AM NOT ON ABORAD WITH ANY OF THIS MAKE IT ALL STOP

Home and a little more donkey than usual...

"Monstro." Bit on the nose, no?

Sure, let's go visit Cartoon Dagon. That's a fine idea.

Okay that fish looked WAY too happy at seeing down his pants, just saying

Apparently clams have no time for your shit

"10 AM fish time: strange wood thing walking on ocean floor. Not like other strange wood things. Everybody investigate."

"Why yes I am, allow me to give you a live demonstration" said the bivalve

SEADONKEY

I found Dagon. I mean Monstro

GIPETTO! FIGARO!

NO HE WASN'T. THE HELL, FELLA? Seriously you knew him for like... what, three? Four? Five hours?

Monstro's all OHHHH YEAH. IT'S ME TIME

Bum bum budum bum BUM bum BUUUM bum bom bododom...

and then the Millennium Falcon escapes the space worm!!!!

Welcome to Monstro, Pinocchio! To quote a famous person paraphrasing from a slug, "in his belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering..."

THAT is a trout. Probably

Hey, his ears are gone!

Yes Pinocchio, fish are often underwater

still got the tail though

NOPE, there are the ears

REIN THAT SHIT IN WE'RE NOT DOING THAT ANY MROE

Right so knocking on Dagon's door? Not smart

Huh. Boy found some brains

"I, Cartoon Dagon, would like to inquire... THE FUCK???"

seriously looks like the mouth of the Abyss itself, belching red smoke...

"THAT'S THE LAST TIME I EAT MEXICAN FOOD"

Gentlemen, may I introduce Monstro, who apparently has WAY TOO MUCH TIME FOR YOUR SHIT

If they survived it'll be a fluke :D

That's a pun I'm being clever someone better have laughed

Oh come on Gipetto you can't die. Not right now at least.

The Monstro animating is REALLY weak compared to the rest of the movie I have to say.

Hey. Hey movie. Don't kill Gipetto. S'rude

HE'S MADE OF WOOD

WHO GAVE THE ENCHANTED OBJECT LUNGS THIS IS A DESIGN FLAW

well you won't be able to do the dowelhead trick anymore

Gipetto, you need to work on your observation skills

GOLD STAR AND EVERYTHING

That song is a pretty fine way to end a movie, I must say

Alright, that's two down! Looks like the weather is switching over to freezing rain... here's hoping we can get the next one in before that. This was a fun one :D