Yes! We're doing it! Roomie had a night out, so Lacy's got me set up tonight with one of her favorite movies. Don't know what to expect here beyond it being a controversial choice and everyone wanting me to watch it. Excited? Worried? Little of both. What am I getting into?
It's late, so Lacy had to leave. Solo viewing means best reactions, though. I've got nothing on this one, so I'm just going to jump ahead and press play.
Always love the fanfare
The rings of Saturn?
Oooh, dark planet
I
Tom Skerrit
/
\
I again
Why did John hurt?
I again
oh I get it
Guys I'm not on board with the music what's happening
It's like Evil Saturn
I feel really cold
The Nostromo, eh? I can't make it out ahhhhh it's big and ugly thought that was a rock or something
Well isn't this all Star Wars of you? Imperial pointy ship
Guys invest in some lighting seriously
This reminds me of a boat I was in once, all ducts and pipes and the like
Anyone home?
Why do I feel like you guys gave me a creepy movie?
With no people seriously where is everyone
Is soething there?
Something's mving on that table
YES IGET IT NOBODYS oh hey here we go what's up guys
AHAHAHA "the future will be filled with shitty old computers"
We have illumination! And padding. And oddly placed curtains.
If the movie's stying tyo make me uncomfortable it's working, I assure you
I found some people!
"Meh, don't wanna get up"
Crazy looking bed contraqption thing, eh?
Hey guy!
They have stickers on them
Spokers in space, that seems unwise. Hello the group
I'm there wieth hey she looks familiar
did he say "bonus" or "boner"
It does sound like "boner"
Space telephone?
Nope. Space punch clock thing. Morning Ralph. Morning Sam.
Well this is all red and eerie.
"Mother?" Is he talking to his mom or is it called that
Odd way to address a computer
Wait what do you mean where's Earth
IT's like a giant oil platform thingy.
So what, you guys got lost in space? Good job.
Heh, space banter.
So who's who up in here? I like names and jobs
That's DANA! Hey Dana!
Be on he lookout for Zuuls.
Oooh, alien transmission? :D
Yes, the boner situation
TOLD. Contracts just suck, don't they?
Loud Hawaiian style shirt, odd choice for space
Sounds like one of those slidey tube things.
Is the clicking part of the signal or a omputer thing
This gent in blue looks important
but then so do beardy and skinny
Every time I think I get what the ship looks like they give me a new angle
Hey look I was right! Dark Saturn
There's something Star Trekky about that reed instrument music
What are they doing?
AHA it's a mini-ship thing
Those graphics must have been quite the thing in Whateveryear
Someone needs to start filling me in on what year I'm at with each movie, I really don't know most of the time
or what years I'm at if it's Back to the Future
Vast space darknesses
SPACE ELEPHANT
Who's in charge here?
Blue suit?
Beardy?
Thing looks like it's going up her nose
They've got the roof of a MExican restaurant under their ship!
"Congratulations! We have successfully made the movie longer OH WHAT THE SHIT"
STRESS
WHAT IS GOING ON
Space elephant attack?
Did you morons just strand yourselves
"We gotta reroute all these ducks"
Who puts wind chimes in a spaceship, honestly
Good thing they're on like the windiest planet ever
LET THERE BE LIGHTs
"How far away? NORTHEAST"
that's 2 km. I mean, it IS walking distance, but you wouldn't do it with space elephants about. Not in that wind.
Soooo... space suits
Blue suit's in charge, but I don't think he's the lead
Maybe there is no lead in this movie. Or maybe the alien from the title is the lead? That would be kind of audacious, to spend this much time with no main character.
The future likes blue, doesn't it?
I like blue. Blue is a likeable color.
Which one's in the chair? The Emperor?
That's blue-shirt?
Can I get some names on you people
Boney and Diversity Casting and RIPLEY. BRETT. HELLO BRETT.
So that's two.
What is with your steam fetish, Not-Brett?
Or is the black guy Brett
"I like griping" Motto of Cape Breton Island right there
I like griping too, for the record
KITTY
Now I love cats. Never had a cat. But I love them. Allergic, of course
Oh what are we doing with the silence
This is very uncomfortable
VADER IS HERE I ccan here the asthma
That looks like something. ASH. HELLO ASH.
Really? You've never seen the letter U?
Look, that is clearly either the letter U or someone took a bite out of a space doughnut
WHY IS THE MUSIC MAKING WITH THE STRESS
And lots of interference
So this is the alien's ship?
You'd think they would have better cameras in the future
The distortion is not at all stressful. Of course not.
Apparently lights are unwelcome.
This is a very slow movie. Slow and dark.
I feel properly alienated. It's a pun! :D
I keep waiting for anything to happen
BESIDES CREEPY NOPISES
oh hey what's this?
It's like a giant corpse thing at a super telescope
That thing is huge! Was huge.
EXPLODED FROM INSIDE?
AGREED. LET US DO THAT.
What a weird looking thing
It's close to human but just not there OH HEY A DARK HOLE LET'S CHECK IT OUT
OH SHIT NO A WARNING
Ash, you're a cold-blooded kind of rectum aren'[t you
Looks slimy
"Slime, yes."
A CAVE? On a spaceship? Weird aliens.
It's huge, whatever it is
Leathery eggs, eh?
Bet they take one with them and the mom gets mad
Always the way, people do stupid things for fun
A layer of mist, eh?
Odd things
Wouldn't do that if I were you
It's alive inside
and it throbs!
Clearly a good idea.
I just said that, catch up
Oh hey! Hatching!
Hello Jello
WHAT HTH E SHIT NO O
NO WHAT THE FUCK
NO.
NOT WITH THE JUMPING OF THINGS
IT's like that goddamn undead monkey, things jumping out
Well this just became all sort s of new kinds of STRESS
What happened to Cain?
Dana's right.
Dana's all kinds of right.
THE SHIT HAPOPENED THERE it smashed through his headblub
annnnd it cracks like an egWHAT THE HELL
Gross just fucking gross what the hell
You should freeze him. Do anything to OH HERE IT GOES
it's like a spider... hand... thing?
With a strangling tail of course
The X-Ray machine id dcent, at least DOWN HIS THROAT?
Oh that's just new kinds of gross
Ash, you're a moron
Beardy, you're in charge
knuckle. Gross
WELL THEN THAT'S A NO
what the hell is it made of, pure liquid hate?
wow it's like paper and THE PEN IS SMOKING
So they can't kill it and it GRABS YOUR FACE AND STRANGLES YOU SLOWLY
WHY AM I WATCHING THIS MOVIE I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS
I AGREE IT ALSO GIVES ME THE CREEPS
Is it turning him into something? Whay is it doing?
What are YOU doing, sir
"Science"
She's the most rational person on board
You're fascinated by the spiderhandcrab aren't you Ash
Well phrased yes why DID you let him in, that was a stupid idea
DALLAS. He'll be beardy.
Yes, probably.
So he's the science officer, she's third in command, and... which one is captain?
Ahh, classical music. I've always liked it.
Oh what's going on is he mutating HE IS MUTATING ISN'T HE what
where's the grabby
OH SHIT WHERE IS THE GRABBY
Don't go in it's going to do it to you too
Why leave the lights off what will that accomplish
NO STOP GOING IN THERE WHERE IS THE GRABBY
Look you morons this isn't a game of don't wake the baby it's OHFUCK
TURN ON A DAMN LIGHT, YOU DO HAVE THEM IN THE FUTURE
OHSHITHEONOOOOOOOO
NO GOOD FUCKING SHIT NO
oh got it's like someone vomited and filled a spider with it
Ash you're a moron par excellence
DALLAS USE YOUR BRAIN
So she's the main character by virtue of being the only one with an Int score
DOOR.
So wait is Ash secretly the boss or something?
can I get my STRESS retracted yet?
Because I would like that very much
The music keeps trying to be pleasant and just ever so slightly failing and it is getting my dander up
Hehe, Brett.
Parker?
Ten months? Go back to nap.
He's mustating isn't he
Oh hey Cain, welcome back to the living. You're going to be a mutant
"It violated me. So yes."
Smothering. Yyyyyuck.
Chinese? Chinese. Let's all go for chinese.
He's gonna kill a guy.
Well come on the guy was in a coma, he's gonna be hungry
OH SHIT NO HERE IT COMES
or is he ghonna die
is it a disease
What's happening WHAT IS HAPPEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM HES HAVING A SEIZURE WHAT HIS HAPPENING TO HIM
WHAT THE SHIWWHSHAFFUAT THE FUCK HE EXPLODED
WHAT OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFNOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
paasuesd
gusy no
no no no no no no no no
jo no it's dark and I'm alone wand hsivering why are you doing that to me
Everything baout this is wrong and bad
Lacy's not picking up so I'm just going to unpause and hope it gets better from here. I'm a moron to hope that, aren't I
So it just what, planted a larva inside him?
Guys come on get some future tech on the job
If you had done that in the first place there would not be a raw chicken bug thing on your ship now
The ship is awful big for that few people
That's a terrible choice of weapon
Tracking device, there we go
that seems tremendously inadequate
TURN ON THE LIGHTS
oh they burned out well that's marvelous isn't it
So did they tune it to not register their own moves? They must have
Excellent. Thank you for turning on the lights now for question 2 WHY ARE YOU SPLITTING THE PARTY
The whole reason this started in the first place is because they split the party
5 meteres is not a whole lot of meters
Good job having a ship where everything is creepy and it's always dark
Oh god it's there
CAT
Oh well guys why do you have a cat on board
YOU SPLIT THE PARTY
YOU MORON
WHY
Which one is Jones
Oh god no I don't want to look
He's going to get hit
I know it
I hear hearbet
hearttbeat
guys no whey would you o this to me
my hands are shaking so mcuh WHAT the fplease stop catting around
oh what the hell
it shed skin
oh god it;s iike a snake its growning isn';t it
WHY DOES YOUR WHOLE SHI PHAVE TO BE TERRIFYING
NONE OF THIS IS POSITIVE
MY STRESS LEVEL IS OGGF THE HCARTS
get it over with plleeeeeeease
why is there a bell sound
why is there rain WHY ARE THERE NO LIGHTS
IT;S UP THERE ISN:T IT
come on get out
CAT
WHAT
WHAT THE SHIT IS THJAT
HW IS IT SO QUIET NO
WHAT
WHERE Waaaadppjjp\pjjpdappjjpfdsjpfsdajpfsdaj;fsdafsdfJ:f:JNNTGIOO{O{tt
"WHAT WHy NO
poaused
foklsk no no no no no I'm hyperventitliating na d my hands arte shakning on the ksyeboard so hard I hcant I'm clenchit all hurts and I'm, cold and jst
I am going numb from the cold and the stress. no no no no no. why did you ask me to wath this cmoive it ns not ienterttaining it is just evertyhing bad inthe universe
Roomie was right. I dont want to watch this. I don't want to rwathc this movie.
I'm going to finish it, or try to.
Unpaused.
Brett is gone Get out of there before you're next
CAT YOU FUCKER this is all your fault
yeah it grew.
IT'S MOVING THROUHG THE AIR DUCTS?
I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH ANY OF THIS AT ALL
Cain's son? Really?
ASH STOP BEING FASCINATED
Fire. I will accept this.
YOu're splitting the party you're the worst captain ever
You seriously need better lights
How do you accomplish anything on that ship
That was like this disgusting orifice noise
A TORCH. A torch to scare the living nightmare
STOP WITH THE GROSS SOUND
Oh god what if it's already behind him
That will help, yes. At least he's smart. For a dead man.
You know he's gonna die, I know he's gonna die. I don't want to see it. I just know its coging to happen.
UI hear something
OH it's a flamethrower. That's cool then
so much stress everything is stress
SLIME oh god
Where is it what is it going to do this time
Where
IT'S THERE WHERE
IT'S COMING
RUN
RUNNNNNNNN
ASH YOU BITCH YOU'RE ON THE THING'S SIDE ARWEJJFRJWJJ
Four left.
Four left. Dana you'd better be on top of this
I'm good with that plan
OH WELL FUCK.
Why would you have a shuttle that can't carry the crew it's not a big crew
I'm on board with this plan because there's reduced party splitting thank you for having an Int score.
NO NOBODY GOES ALONE why would you do this
Colating?
YOu look like I feel. I'm right there with you lady.
OH GOD IS IT IN HERE TOO
DON'T LET THE SMART ONE DIE
why is everything in this movie the most terrifying thing ever
oh what the fuck
WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE SENT FOR ICREW EXPENDABLE?
Ash IS on its side
WHY WOULD YOU WANT ONE OF THOSE? IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD PET
Oh shit she got doored
The fuck is wrong with you son it will get you too
What's the white stuff WHAT IS HE DOIGN what the shit
He's just so calm I don't understand
WHAT IS HE DOING
WHAT THEHELL
What the hell is he
what the hell are you
WHAT THE HEHL WHAT THE FUCK I DO N'T
is it na alient too
no it's... a robot
WHAT THE HELL KILL IT KILL ITI KRILLL IIT
FOR THE WEAPONS DIVISION? THAT IS A STUPID PLAN
THAT IS JUST THE WORST PLAN
whyyyy is there white
no don't describe the nightmare as perfect
ITS PURITY. OH WELL THANK YOU.
YOU ARE A MONSTER AND I HATE YOU
Agreed, Parker.
Agreed so hard
Don't do it, don't split the YOU SPLIT THE PASRTY
Did Ash attacking her punch her in the Wis
bcause now it's just common sense not to do that
Everything retracts or extends or CAT NOT AGAIN you're like the harbingger of death
oh god it's in here isn't it of course it is it's jet black, no lights and they're splitting up
WHAT
okay no no hissing noises
Don't follow the cat
Do not follow the cat that's how Gredtt went
Is Dana gone? Tell me Dana's not gone WE NEED HER
oh shit it's oming for her I don't want to see this
WHAT STOP MAIKING NOISES
WHY ARE YOU AFTER THE CAT look I like pets as mcuh as the next gy but STRESS
STRESS ALL FO THE STRESS WHY HIS THIS A THING
OH GOD ITS COMIGNG FOR HER
nononoonon
nooooo
WESWSFFFFFFUCK YOU MOVIE I HATE YOU
Ooh god it's still coming isn't it
ITS THERE
WHERE IS IT
WHERE IS IT
IS THAT IT
OHH FUCFKF NOOOO
BURN IT KILL IT LKKILLL IIIIIT
BURN IT KILL IT ALL
NO IT HASS TO DIE
nonononoono no no WHAT THE SHIT
WHY IS THAT A THING ITS LIKE A DEMON
KILL IT
WHAT
BURN IT
GO GO GO KILL IT WUICKLY
WHY DOES IT OPEN ITS MOUTH LIKE THAT HWY DOES ANYU OF THIS HAPPEN
WTHE FU
WHA THE FUKC WHAT THE TAIL NOOOOOO NO NO NO
RUN AWAY THEY'RE BOTH GGONE
RUNJ SAWAU
RUN
RUN
NO NO PARKER JUST RUN
RUN AWAY
BRING YOUR FIRE
ohhh hshit don't let it catch up
okay just blow it right thie fuck up whatever it takes I want it dead I wan t it alll the dead
just do it
10 minutes to get out you can do it RUN AAY
WHY IS EVERYTHING STEAM why are we zooming in dson't szoom in get out of there get out of the DARK WHY ARE YOU IN THE DARK
I nrrf to know that sounmoune gets out
OH SHIT IT'S HERE
WHAT
you found the lair oh god it's the lair
how is he stil alive
what the fuck he's it a cocoon
KILL HIM DO IT
WHAT THE FUCK I DO NOT ACCEPT ANYU O THIS I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH IT
oh nooooo it knows it knoooows
RUN RUN RUN LEAVE THE CAT AND RUN
WHERE IS IT
ITS HERE
I KNOW IT WHERE IS It RUN AWAY
TNWOOOOOOOO
FIRE USE THE FIREE FFUUUS EHT E
KILL IT DEAD USE FIRE RUN AWAY
WHY THe STEAM THIS IS NOT HELPFUL
I appreciate the car horn it rmeins ame of times and things that were not this
WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST LEAVE
RUN
NO
RUN
RUN AWAU
THE SPACE DEMON IS COMING OH FUCK THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
WHY
WHY IS IT JUST GO
GO GO GO GET O THE SHUITTLE
RUN AWAY
STRESS TOO HIGH
PAUSED
I can't do this I an't do this I cannot do this I can't watch this movie I cannot watch thisw movie
Evertyhing in the apartment looks like its going to kill me. I'm just gone I can't do this
Alright I will finish it but I need anything else after this anything at all
Okay Roomie says I'm going to watch a dumb movie after this to help calm down. It's on the shelf and I can get to it.
I have it here. Alright. Okay. There's a remedy to this.
Back in we go. I don't want to do this.
AHOOOOOOOGA
WHY IS IT SEIZURE LIGHTS ITS BEHIND YOU I SAW IT I SAW IT THERE BEHIND YOU KRUN
I SAW IT I KNOW I DID WHERE IS IT
I'm seeing things now
IT IS IN FRONT OF YOU
IT IS EVERYWHERE
RUN AWAY
ITS BEHIJD YOU THEN RUN AWAY
the cats aliev?
RUN AWAY
That should hold it.
Okay just get out
if it slams agains the doors I will be so done
on no tell me it's not on the shuttle tell me it's not there
DON'T BUCKLE IN YET CHECK EVERYWHERE FIRST
I DON'T TRUST IT
she looks so done
I'm with her
I'm so done
let it be gone don't let it kill her
I don't believe anyone about anything anymore okay the explosion is a bit much, eh?
Okay
I don't believe it yet
that was still to eassy
I'm shakign again
oh god it is ther eI Was right I don't want to be right
Where is it
WAKE UP QUICK IT IS THERE
tdon't listen to the music I know I'm right
how did the cat survve
are we out? we hve lights
oh no we're not out I don';t believe it culd be that easy
it's on the shuttle I jknow it I odn't trust anyone or anything
where is it stop striping it's here
yes shes very sexy I KNOW IT IS HERE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS PROVE ITS DEAD
the movie would not stull be going if it was dead
where is it
oh god the sounds it;s here I know it ad THERE IT IS OH SHIT
YOU GFUCKING THING NOOOOO
WHAT IS THAT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH
WHY ARE ALL YOUR LIGHT S SEIZURE LIGHTS
it looks like the cables
why does it look liek the cables I don't ant to look at it
plan please telll me that's a plan look
WHY OES IT HAVE TWO MOTUHS
you can't survive outside the ship what is the pln
thats added armor ac +1 at best. Maybe +2 if it counts as leather
its not enough
ARE YOU ARMED WITH A ZAPPY it won't help
why is it just lying there
don't tell me there are two
WHY seizure lights make no sense
what is she saying
SCREAM YOIU BITCH THING. SCREAM AND DIE
IT'S THE WORST THING OH GOD ITS THE NIGHTMARE O EDN ALL NIGHTMARES AND ITS STILL LAIVE
WHY IS THE HEAD LIKE THAT
ARE THERE TWO
WHAT
WHAT
WAHT DO YOU NOOOOOOOOOO
NOOO HOW IS IT STILL ON THERE
The music says done please be done
mouth dru
Cargo destroyed. Cargo. They wanted that thing to be cargo.
They're insane.
please don't tell me ther's a nother one
space
credits oh thank god
ohhh thank god
I'm still stressed.
I'm still compeltel stressed.
Okay. Okay. Ohhhhhkay.
Okay.
I have to go do the other thing. Any other thing. WIth lights on. I'm still shaking but muy hands are much better now. I just have to not be doing that. Okay. Right. Light movie to watch now. With lights on.
Roomie could not have been more right O_O
ReplyDeleteAnd I would avoid anything in the "horror" genre, cos it can get all sorts of worse than Alien. Hope your comfort blanket movie's a good one :)
Oh, dear.
DeleteI'm sorry that no one checked if you're ok with horror movies... :( (note: I will never, ever watch Alien. Hell, it's on a ride at some theme park I went to, and I always hide at that point)
I hope your comfort movie helps.
I watched this in the theater when it first came out, and it was not so bad. Then. I have never watched it again all the way through. Though I do still love the sequel, "Aliens", to many little sparkly pieces and I do not admit any of the other movies in the series exist. Movies 3 and 4 are not real, not in canon, and that's my final word.
ReplyDeleteScratch the following from your Big List:
ReplyDelete- A Nightmare on Elm Street
- Angel Heart
- Halloween
- Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
- the Exorcist
- Scanners
- Jaws (shit! Jaws is Spielberg at his Top. But it's a bit scary. I think it inspired Alien)
- John Carpenter's 'The Thing'
- Saw
- Reservoir dogs
- Se7en
- Silence of the Lambs
- The Decent (such thrills... such wonderful thrills)
- Evil Dead 1 (maybe 2; that's more a black comedy)
Be careful when watching 'Tremors'. It's a horror spoof but everything is beautifully lit. Oh, God! You NEED to see Tremors if only for Burt Gummer.
Insert:
- Puppies & Rainbows
- Cars
- the Sound of Music (but ask Roomie to to attend during the final 10 minutes)
Sorry you didn't like Alien but the sequel 'Aliens' is more action and is by he guy who did 'Terminator'. It has no cat.
GP
I think he can probably handle Jaws. ALIEN is a relentless nightmare. Jaws has comedy and character drama and lots of fun stuff. Temple of Doom, same deal.
DeleteProbably should avoid The Exorcist, though, yes. Too bad if you're going for the "geek staples", but there you are.
On one hand, it's a pretty big dick move to leave you alone at night to watch Alien. On the other hand, schadenfreude.
ReplyDeleteAnd now you can look forward to the sequel!
-Anonyman
YOUR SO-CALLED FRIEND LET YOU WATCH ALIEN ALONE NO YOU DON'T DO THAT YOU DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE ALONE IT WILL FUCK WITH YOUR MIND YOU WATCH IT WITH LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
ReplyDeleteExactly. This movie should not be first seen alone.
DeleteOr, alternately: it should!
DeleteI'll tell you what I told him. I left him alone because if I was there, I would have turned it off. I'm just a softie at heart. Call me weird but I don't even think it's that bad by current standards.
DeleteAAAAHH OMG. This was the best recap ever. You should know that people in the theaters in 1979 had no pause button for when the alien bursts out of Kane's chest, and people were literally puking in the aisles.
ReplyDeleteNow, a word about the sequel... while this was very much a "haunted house" type horror movie, the sequel is way more adventure and more like a war movie. So don't let the terror of this experience dissuade you from moving on to ALIENS, directed by James Cameron (Terminator and T2).
ALIENS is so darn good it would be a shame if he skipped it, but I'm literally worried about him dying of a heart attack after this recap. It's less scary than the first one, but still: STRESS.
DeleteThe best part is that none of the *actors* knew what was going to happen during the dinner scene either, so their reactions are genuine.
DeleteAnd I think Aliens will be a lot less stressful -- it's as good a straight-up action movie as Alien is a horror movie, with a fair bit more humor to break the tension.
I don't think Aliens is less stressful. It's less terrifying and less horrifying, but it's all kinds of tension-filled stress.
DeleteIt's also got some great humor though.
@ Black Isis: By best part you mean dick move, right?
DeleteThe actress who isn't Sigourney Weaver apparently suffered apermanent back injury when she fell over in response to the chestburster scene.
- Chris
+1 to "keep Aliens on the list, it's an action movie, not SUPER CREEPY HORROR like Alien".
ReplyDeleteAlso +1 to "nevertheless, probably a good idea not to watch it alone".
You're kidding: they made you watch ALIEN alone? NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY.
ReplyDeleteOne of the scariest movies I've ever seen. Okay, sure, there may be scarier movies out there, but I don't watch horror movies. I think it would have been only fair to let you know that it's a horror movie before you watched it, so you could have made sure to have every single light in the house on and people around and stuff.
You need to keep THE MUPPET MOVIE and/or SINGIN' IN THE RAIN around for watching after a movie like that.
I told him it was horror. Not sure how thoroughly he reads these comments.
DeleteI didn't let that through the comments.
DeleteI have some further recommendations if you ever want to literally die from sheer terror: There are Alien-based computer games that, to me, are about 100 times as scary as the movie. In particular, this October will see the release of the game "Alien: Isolation", which is a survival horror game where you're alone on a spaceship with an Alien-type alien. The game supports the upcoming virtual reality headset Oculus Rift, so you can get the experience of actually being inside the game (and the ship). With an alien. And no weapons.
ReplyDelete"WHERE Waaaadppjjp\pjjpdappjjpfdsjpfsdajpfsdaj;fsdafsdfJ:f:JNNTGIOO{O{tt"
ReplyDeleteBest line ever.
Now, go watch Big Trouble in Little China to help you recover.
Recommend for recovery with silliness:
ReplyDeleteMonty Python and the Holy Grail
As a bonus you will learn 90% of the goofy quotes you will ever hear at gaming sessions. Seriously, goofy quotables EVERY scene. Usually multiple per scene.
Enjoy.
I think with this down you've got all the references you need to get the jokes in Mel Brooks parody "Space Balls".
ReplyDeleteGood on you for getting through this one, Jeremy. I'd recommend The Muppet Movie to cleanse your palate after this one, though. Or Python. You'll laugh. A lot.
ReplyDeleteI will say that despite all the stress of this movie, it'll be worth it to get to Aliens. If Alien was a "haunted house" movie, Aliens is a war movie. I was so taken by it back in '86 that I saw it five times in the theater. When I was 12.
I would even go against everyone else's recommendations and say that Alien3 is worth a watch, as it provides a good sense of closure and symmetry to a three-act play, that is Ripley's trajectory through the "dealing with the Alien" experience. But skip part 4, it's absolute crap.
Agreed with Mr. Stover that Big Trouble in Little China is a must-watch, but not a good de-stresser. But yeah, that flick is totally awesome. Recommend you watch it in close proximity to a viewing of Buckaroo Banzai.
That's so awesome they made you watch it alone. Remember, it's all about the experience! You'll remember this for years to come. :) Awesome.
ReplyDeleteGood job Jeremy! I watched this when I was about 12, and it disgusted the hell out of me. Rewatching it as an adult proved very entertaining (if not that scary, but I'm jaded when it comes to this stuff). Now relax, and as others have said, you should still watch Aliens, because Alien is very much a terror movie, but Aliens is an action one.
ReplyDelete"It's late, so Lacy had to leave."
ReplyDeleteD*ck move, Lacy. :)
Had a biglargemchuge post here that got eaten by the internet and it's sql errors. So, instead I'll just say that I hope you don't hate the internet too much Jeremy. But congratulations for surviving Alien, it's mostly all downhill from here. Though some of the recommendations on TBL make me scratch my head, as they're not necessarily what I'd consider to be iconic or necessary viewing.
ReplyDeleteAs others have said, the muppet movies, monty python, and other comedies are good palate cleansers for Alien. Good luck and keep in mind that as terrifying as an experience as it was, we did the same thing, many of us at half your age.
PS: Give Lacy a hug from me. She's a bad person after my own heart for leaving you to see this alone, in the dark.
-J-
Well I did try to warn you, Jeremy...
ReplyDeleteBy the way, is it just me or does it sound like he saw a version that had the "kill me" scene restored? I didn't know those even existed.
I think the DVD version has the option to watch with or without the edited out portions.
DeleteFor WonderfulNoise; the scene, late in the movie, with Ripley and Cocoon-Dallas, was edited out of the initial theatrical release of the movie. Legend has it that late in production, Ridley Scott et al screened the almost-done movie for Fox executives and when that scene came up, one of the executives vomited. They made the production crew edit the scene out.
That's kind of over the top. H. R. Giger kept diaries that were reprinted in the ALIEN design book, and in them he simply says that that scene was cut out because it interfered with the carefully constructed rising tension that the movie had been building.
DeleteA) I disagree with Crujiente. It's all uphill from here. There is nothing scarier than Alien.
ReplyDeleteB) Don't fear Aliens. It's super intense, but it's more action intense, not 'OMG THIS SHOULD NOT BE' intense.
C) Do post your liveblog for John Carpenter's 'The Thing'. But don't watch it alone at night with the lights off.
In case there's going to be a Second Impression:
ReplyDelete- Dallas (captain beard)
- Ripley (Dana)
- Ash (blue shirt android)
- Lambert (skinny woman)
- MU-TH-UR 6000 (computer)
- Kane (bad ulcer)
- Brett (loud Hawaiian shirt & hat man)
- Parker (diversity guy)
- Nostromo (deep space ore refinery & transport ship)
- I forgot the name of the escape shuttle. Narcissus?
Cheers,
GP
- Jones, Jonesy, here-kiddy-kiddy-kiddy (cat)
DeleteGP
The shuttle was named the Narcissus, yes.
Deletetotally unrelated but you need to watch the Transformers movies, just for the hilarity of it
ReplyDeleteNo he doesn't, they're awful
Deletethe first one is a pretty typical summer blockbuster. the third is pretty good. only the second is horrible horrible.
DeleteThe first one is the only one I've seen, and it's horrible. Just completely awful on every level except some of the technical aspects.
DeleteSeriously, are you people sadists? The guy has so many great movies on his list and you're recommending crap like this.
The first time I tried to watch Alien I was 7. Suffice to say I didn't last until the diner scene. I had seen Jaws a few month earlier, alone at 2am without batting an eye.
ReplyDeleteFriends don't let friends watch Alien alone.
This was amazing. Great read! I could see every part in the movie as you described it. Lol :)
ReplyDeleteCan't take it any more - must post a comment!
ReplyDeleteYou are my FAVORITE person on the internet right now. An acquaintance of mine linked your post from the first Star Wars movie a couple of days ago, and I've been hooked ever since. LOVE your reviews of these movies, many of which I saw as a kid. My wife has looked at my with concerned / confused eyes many times while I've been reading your posts, due to the unusually high amount of hilarity that has ensued while reading said posts. Also, she might start hitting me for using variations of your phrase of "has not time for your shit." Super bonus points for Barbosa being "disinclined to acquiesce to having time for Jack's shit" and "THE LORD DID SAY HE HATH NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT" :P
All that said, your friend / handlers are super bad bad bad wicked evil rubbish, filth, slime, muck, booo BOOO BOOOOOOOO people for letting you watch Alien all alone by yourself. As your first horror / suspense film, that was just sick and wrong. However, the sequel, ALIENS, is a totally kick-ass action/suspense film that I think you will really like!
Only other thing I'll add, is if you handlers are reading this, I would REALLY love for you to work towards having him watch the movie UHF. I think he would totally LOVE it! He's already seen many of the per-requisite movies needed for it all to make sense, but this would be a very worthy goal to work towards.
Anyways, thanks again for posting all of this. From what I understand from your earlier posts, you're recovering from a pretty serious injury / medical condition, and major props to you for taking what most would be a negative, and turning it into a positive experience for yourself, but also THOUSANDS of people who have been reading these posts.
He hasn't seen the post counter yet. He has no idea!! We're gonna surprise him with it ^_^
DeleteI don't think I know UHF. I'll ask around.
For my two cents, glad you finished it! Now you can totally handle Aliens which is by far and away the greatest of the series and is much, much less on the suspense. I watch all kinds of action, suspense, horror, and hack & slash blood fests of films and rarely ever have a problem. Even Alien I took fairly well, but if it is the suspense and what isn't happening in the frame of the movie that bothers you, then definitely stay away from The Blair Witch Project no matter what anyone says. I had trouble sleeping for two weeks and I saw it in a theater full of people. Yes, it is a landmark movie for the found footage genre of movie, but doesn't sit easy if the psychological aspects from Alien were a problem.
ReplyDeleteIf I were your handler(s) - I would have started with Aliens. It's suspenseful and has the creepy aliens, but also at times hilarious, and has given rise to some great one-liners that are repeated again and again throughout pop culture to this day. I saw Aliens before I saw Alien, and I will watch Aliens over and over but Alien gets a hell no.
ReplyDelete