Yes! We're doing it! Roomie had a night out, so Lacy's got me set up tonight with one of her favorite movies. Don't know what to expect here beyond it being a controversial choice and everyone wanting me to watch it. Excited? Worried? Little of both. What am I getting into?
It's late, so Lacy had to leave. Solo viewing means best reactions, though. I've got nothing on this one, so I'm just going to jump ahead and press play.
Always love the fanfare
The rings of Saturn?
Oooh, dark planet
Why did John hurt?
oh I get it
Guys I'm not on board with the music what's happening
It's like Evil Saturn
I feel really cold
The Nostromo, eh? I can't make it out ahhhhh it's big and ugly thought that was a rock or something
Well isn't this all Star Wars of you? Imperial pointy ship
Guys invest in some lighting seriously
This reminds me of a boat I was in once, all ducts and pipes and the like
Why do I feel like you guys gave me a creepy movie?
With no people seriously where is everyone
Is soething there?
Something's mving on that table
YES IGET IT NOBODYS oh hey here we go what's up guys
AHAHAHA "the future will be filled with shitty old computers"
We have illumination! And padding. And oddly placed curtains.
If the movie's stying tyo make me uncomfortable it's working, I assure you
I found some people!
"Meh, don't wanna get up"
Crazy looking bed contraqption thing, eh?
They have stickers on them
Spokers in space, that seems unwise. Hello the group
I'm there wieth hey she looks familiar
did he say "bonus" or "boner"
It does sound like "boner"
Nope. Space punch clock thing. Morning Ralph. Morning Sam.
Well this is all red and eerie.
"Mother?" Is he talking to his mom or is it called that
Odd way to address a computer
Wait what do you mean where's Earth
IT's like a giant oil platform thingy.
So what, you guys got lost in space? Good job.
Heh, space banter.
So who's who up in here? I like names and jobs
That's DANA! Hey Dana!
Be on he lookout for Zuuls.
Oooh, alien transmission? :D
Yes, the boner situation
TOLD. Contracts just suck, don't they?
Loud Hawaiian style shirt, odd choice for space
Sounds like one of those slidey tube things.
Is the clicking part of the signal or a omputer thing
This gent in blue looks important
but then so do beardy and skinny
Every time I think I get what the ship looks like they give me a new angle
Hey look I was right! Dark Saturn
There's something Star Trekky about that reed instrument music
What are they doing?
AHA it's a mini-ship thing
Those graphics must have been quite the thing in Whateveryear
Someone needs to start filling me in on what year I'm at with each movie, I really don't know most of the time
or what years I'm at if it's Back to the Future
Vast space darknesses
Who's in charge here?
Thing looks like it's going up her nose
They've got the roof of a MExican restaurant under their ship!
"Congratulations! We have successfully made the movie longer OH WHAT THE SHIT"
WHAT IS GOING ON
Space elephant attack?
Did you morons just strand yourselves
"We gotta reroute all these ducks"
Who puts wind chimes in a spaceship, honestly
Good thing they're on like the windiest planet ever
LET THERE BE LIGHTs
"How far away? NORTHEAST"
that's 2 km. I mean, it IS walking distance, but you wouldn't do it with space elephants about. Not in that wind.
Soooo... space suits
Blue suit's in charge, but I don't think he's the lead
Maybe there is no lead in this movie. Or maybe the alien from the title is the lead? That would be kind of audacious, to spend this much time with no main character.
The future likes blue, doesn't it?
I like blue. Blue is a likeable color.
Which one's in the chair? The Emperor?
Can I get some names on you people
Boney and Diversity Casting and RIPLEY. BRETT. HELLO BRETT.
So that's two.
What is with your steam fetish, Not-Brett?
Or is the black guy Brett
"I like griping" Motto of Cape Breton Island right there
I like griping too, for the record
Now I love cats. Never had a cat. But I love them. Allergic, of course
Oh what are we doing with the silence
This is very uncomfortable
VADER IS HERE I ccan here the asthma
That looks like something. ASH. HELLO ASH.
Really? You've never seen the letter U?
Look, that is clearly either the letter U or someone took a bite out of a space doughnut
WHY IS THE MUSIC MAKING WITH THE STRESS
And lots of interference
So this is the alien's ship?
You'd think they would have better cameras in the future
The distortion is not at all stressful. Of course not.
Apparently lights are unwelcome.
This is a very slow movie. Slow and dark.
I feel properly alienated. It's a pun! :D
I keep waiting for anything to happen
BESIDES CREEPY NOPISES
oh hey what's this?
It's like a giant corpse thing at a super telescope
That thing is huge! Was huge.
EXPLODED FROM INSIDE?
AGREED. LET US DO THAT.
What a weird looking thing
It's close to human but just not there OH HEY A DARK HOLE LET'S CHECK IT OUT
OH SHIT NO A WARNING
Ash, you're a cold-blooded kind of rectum aren'[t you
A CAVE? On a spaceship? Weird aliens.
It's huge, whatever it is
Leathery eggs, eh?
Bet they take one with them and the mom gets mad
Always the way, people do stupid things for fun
A layer of mist, eh?
Wouldn't do that if I were you
It's alive inside
and it throbs!
Clearly a good idea.
I just said that, catch up
Oh hey! Hatching!
WHAT HTH E SHIT NO O
NO WHAT THE FUCK
NOT WITH THE JUMPING OF THINGS
IT's like that goddamn undead monkey, things jumping out
Well this just became all sort s of new kinds of STRESS
What happened to Cain?
Dana's all kinds of right.
THE SHIT HAPOPENED THERE it smashed through his headblub
annnnd it cracks like an egWHAT THE HELL
Gross just fucking gross what the hell
You should freeze him. Do anything to OH HERE IT GOES
it's like a spider... hand... thing?
With a strangling tail of course
The X-Ray machine id dcent, at least DOWN HIS THROAT?
Oh that's just new kinds of gross
Ash, you're a moron
Beardy, you're in charge
WELL THEN THAT'S A NO
what the hell is it made of, pure liquid hate?
wow it's like paper and THE PEN IS SMOKING
So they can't kill it and it GRABS YOUR FACE AND STRANGLES YOU SLOWLY
WHY AM I WATCHING THIS MOVIE I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS
I AGREE IT ALSO GIVES ME THE CREEPS
Is it turning him into something? Whay is it doing?
What are YOU doing, sir
She's the most rational person on board
You're fascinated by the spiderhandcrab aren't you Ash
Well phrased yes why DID you let him in, that was a stupid idea
DALLAS. He'll be beardy.
So he's the science officer, she's third in command, and... which one is captain?
Ahh, classical music. I've always liked it.
Oh what's going on is he mutating HE IS MUTATING ISN'T HE what
where's the grabby
OH SHIT WHERE IS THE GRABBY
Don't go in it's going to do it to you too
Why leave the lights off what will that accomplish
NO STOP GOING IN THERE WHERE IS THE GRABBY
Look you morons this isn't a game of don't wake the baby it's OHFUCK
TURN ON A DAMN LIGHT, YOU DO HAVE THEM IN THE FUTURE
NO GOOD FUCKING SHIT NO
oh got it's like someone vomited and filled a spider with it
Ash you're a moron par excellence
DALLAS USE YOUR BRAIN
So she's the main character by virtue of being the only one with an Int score
So wait is Ash secretly the boss or something?
can I get my STRESS retracted yet?
Because I would like that very much
The music keeps trying to be pleasant and just ever so slightly failing and it is getting my dander up
Ten months? Go back to nap.
He's mustating isn't he
Oh hey Cain, welcome back to the living. You're going to be a mutant
"It violated me. So yes."
Chinese? Chinese. Let's all go for chinese.
He's gonna kill a guy.
Well come on the guy was in a coma, he's gonna be hungry
OH SHIT NO HERE IT COMES
or is he ghonna die
is it a disease
What's happening WHAT IS HAPPEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM HES HAVING A SEIZURE WHAT HIS HAPPENING TO HIM
WHAT THE SHIWWHSHAFFUAT THE FUCK HE EXPLODED
WHAT OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFNOOOOOOOOO WHAT THE HELL IS THAT
no no no no no no no no
jo no it's dark and I'm alone wand hsivering why are you doing that to me
Everything baout this is wrong and bad
Lacy's not picking up so I'm just going to unpause and hope it gets better from here. I'm a moron to hope that, aren't I
So it just what, planted a larva inside him?
Guys come on get some future tech on the job
If you had done that in the first place there would not be a raw chicken bug thing on your ship now
The ship is awful big for that few people
That's a terrible choice of weapon
Tracking device, there we go
that seems tremendously inadequate
TURN ON THE LIGHTS
oh they burned out well that's marvelous isn't it
So did they tune it to not register their own moves? They must have
Excellent. Thank you for turning on the lights now for question 2 WHY ARE YOU SPLITTING THE PARTY
The whole reason this started in the first place is because they split the party
5 meteres is not a whole lot of meters
Good job having a ship where everything is creepy and it's always dark
Oh god it's there
Oh well guys why do you have a cat on board
YOU SPLIT THE PARTY
Which one is Jones
Oh god no I don't want to look
He's going to get hit
I know it
I hear hearbet
guys no whey would you o this to me
my hands are shaking so mcuh WHAT the fplease stop catting around
oh what the hell
it shed skin
oh god it;s iike a snake its growning isn';t it
WHY DOES YOUR WHOLE SHI PHAVE TO BE TERRIFYING
NONE OF THIS IS POSITIVE
MY STRESS LEVEL IS OGGF THE HCARTS
get it over with plleeeeeeease
why is there a bell sound
why is there rain WHY ARE THERE NO LIGHTS
IT;S UP THERE ISN:T IT
come on get out
WHAT THE SHIT IS THJAT
HW IS IT SO QUIET NO
"WHAT WHy NO
foklsk no no no no no I'm hyperventitliating na d my hands arte shakning on the ksyeboard so hard I hcant I'm clenchit all hurts and I'm, cold and jst
I am going numb from the cold and the stress. no no no no no. why did you ask me to wath this cmoive it ns not ienterttaining it is just evertyhing bad inthe universe
Roomie was right. I dont want to watch this. I don't want to rwathc this movie.
I'm going to finish it, or try to.
Brett is gone Get out of there before you're next
CAT YOU FUCKER this is all your fault
yeah it grew.
IT'S MOVING THROUHG THE AIR DUCTS?
I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH ANY OF THIS AT ALL
Cain's son? Really?
ASH STOP BEING FASCINATED
Fire. I will accept this.
YOu're splitting the party you're the worst captain ever
You seriously need better lights
How do you accomplish anything on that ship
That was like this disgusting orifice noise
A TORCH. A torch to scare the living nightmare
STOP WITH THE GROSS SOUND
Oh god what if it's already behind him
That will help, yes. At least he's smart. For a dead man.
You know he's gonna die, I know he's gonna die. I don't want to see it. I just know its coging to happen.
UI hear something
OH it's a flamethrower. That's cool then
so much stress everything is stress
SLIME oh god
Where is it what is it going to do this time
IT'S THERE WHERE
ASH YOU BITCH YOU'RE ON THE THING'S SIDE ARWEJJFRJWJJ
Four left. Dana you'd better be on top of this
I'm good with that plan
OH WELL FUCK.
Why would you have a shuttle that can't carry the crew it's not a big crew
I'm on board with this plan because there's reduced party splitting thank you for having an Int score.
NO NOBODY GOES ALONE why would you do this
YOu look like I feel. I'm right there with you lady.
OH GOD IS IT IN HERE TOO
DON'T LET THE SMART ONE DIE
why is everything in this movie the most terrifying thing ever
oh what the fuck
WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE SENT FOR ICREW EXPENDABLE?
Ash IS on its side
WHY WOULD YOU WANT ONE OF THOSE? IT IS NOT A VERY GOOD PET
Oh shit she got doored
The fuck is wrong with you son it will get you too
What's the white stuff WHAT IS HE DOIGN what the shit
He's just so calm I don't understand
WHAT IS HE DOING
What the hell is he
what the hell are you
WHAT THE HEHL WHAT THE FUCK I DO N'T
is it na alient too
no it's... a robot
WHAT THE HELL KILL IT KILL ITI KRILLL IIT
FOR THE WEAPONS DIVISION? THAT IS A STUPID PLAN
THAT IS JUST THE WORST PLAN
whyyyy is there white
no don't describe the nightmare as perfect
ITS PURITY. OH WELL THANK YOU.
YOU ARE A MONSTER AND I HATE YOU
Agreed so hard
Don't do it, don't split the YOU SPLIT THE PASRTY
Did Ash attacking her punch her in the Wis
bcause now it's just common sense not to do that
Everything retracts or extends or CAT NOT AGAIN you're like the harbingger of death
oh god it's in here isn't it of course it is it's jet black, no lights and they're splitting up
okay no no hissing noises
Don't follow the cat
Do not follow the cat that's how Gredtt went
Is Dana gone? Tell me Dana's not gone WE NEED HER
oh shit it's oming for her I don't want to see this
WHAT STOP MAIKING NOISES
WHY ARE YOU AFTER THE CAT look I like pets as mcuh as the next gy but STRESS
STRESS ALL FO THE STRESS WHY HIS THIS A THING
OH GOD ITS COMIGNG FOR HER
WESWSFFFFFFUCK YOU MOVIE I HATE YOU
Ooh god it's still coming isn't it
WHERE IS IT
WHERE IS IT
IS THAT IT
OHH FUCFKF NOOOO
BURN IT KILL IT LKKILLL IIIIIT
BURN IT KILL IT ALL
NO IT HASS TO DIE
nonononoono no no WHAT THE SHIT
WHY IS THAT A THING ITS LIKE A DEMON
GO GO GO KILL IT WUICKLY
WHY DOES IT OPEN ITS MOUTH LIKE THAT HWY DOES ANYU OF THIS HAPPEN
WHA THE FUKC WHAT THE TAIL NOOOOOO NO NO NO
RUN AWAY THEY'RE BOTH GGONE
NO NO PARKER JUST RUN
BRING YOUR FIRE
ohhh hshit don't let it catch up
okay just blow it right thie fuck up whatever it takes I want it dead I wan t it alll the dead
just do it
10 minutes to get out you can do it RUN AAY
WHY IS EVERYTHING STEAM why are we zooming in dson't szoom in get out of there get out of the DARK WHY ARE YOU IN THE DARK
I nrrf to know that sounmoune gets out
OH SHIT IT'S HERE
you found the lair oh god it's the lair
how is he stil alive
what the fuck he's it a cocoon
KILL HIM DO IT
WHAT THE FUCK I DO NOT ACCEPT ANYU O THIS I AM NOT ON BOARD WITH IT
oh nooooo it knows it knoooows
RUN RUN RUN LEAVE THE CAT AND RUN
WHERE IS IT
I KNOW IT WHERE IS It RUN AWAY
FIRE USE THE FIREE FFUUUS EHT E
KILL IT DEAD USE FIRE RUN AWAY
WHY THe STEAM THIS IS NOT HELPFUL
I appreciate the car horn it rmeins ame of times and things that were not this
WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST LEAVE
THE SPACE DEMON IS COMING OH FUCK THEY'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
WHY IS IT JUST GO
GO GO GO GET O THE SHUITTLE
STRESS TOO HIGH
I can't do this I an't do this I cannot do this I can't watch this movie I cannot watch thisw movie
Evertyhing in the apartment looks like its going to kill me. I'm just gone I can't do this
Alright I will finish it but I need anything else after this anything at all
Okay Roomie says I'm going to watch a dumb movie after this to help calm down. It's on the shelf and I can get to it.
I have it here. Alright. Okay. There's a remedy to this.
Back in we go. I don't want to do this.
WHY IS IT SEIZURE LIGHTS ITS BEHIND YOU I SAW IT I SAW IT THERE BEHIND YOU KRUN
I SAW IT I KNOW I DID WHERE IS IT
I'm seeing things now
IT IS IN FRONT OF YOU
IT IS EVERYWHERE
ITS BEHIJD YOU THEN RUN AWAY
the cats aliev?
That should hold it.
Okay just get out
if it slams agains the doors I will be so done
on no tell me it's not on the shuttle tell me it's not there
DON'T BUCKLE IN YET CHECK EVERYWHERE FIRST
I DON'T TRUST IT
she looks so done
I'm with her
I'm so done
let it be gone don't let it kill her
I don't believe anyone about anything anymore okay the explosion is a bit much, eh?
I don't believe it yet
that was still to eassy
I'm shakign again
oh god it is ther eI Was right I don't want to be right
Where is it
WAKE UP QUICK IT IS THERE
tdon't listen to the music I know I'm right
how did the cat survve
are we out? we hve lights
oh no we're not out I don';t believe it culd be that easy
it's on the shuttle I jknow it I odn't trust anyone or anything
where is it stop striping it's here
yes shes very sexy I KNOW IT IS HERE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS PROVE ITS DEAD
the movie would not stull be going if it was dead
where is it
oh god the sounds it;s here I know it ad THERE IT IS OH SHIT
YOU GFUCKING THING NOOOOO
WHAT IS THAT GOING TO ACCOMPLISH
WHY ARE ALL YOUR LIGHT S SEIZURE LIGHTS
it looks like the cables
why does it look liek the cables I don't ant to look at it
plan please telll me that's a plan look
WHY OES IT HAVE TWO MOTUHS
you can't survive outside the ship what is the pln
thats added armor ac +1 at best. Maybe +2 if it counts as leather
its not enough
ARE YOU ARMED WITH A ZAPPY it won't help
why is it just lying there
don't tell me there are two
WHY seizure lights make no sense
what is she saying
SCREAM YOIU BITCH THING. SCREAM AND DIE
IT'S THE WORST THING OH GOD ITS THE NIGHTMARE O EDN ALL NIGHTMARES AND ITS STILL LAIVE
WHY IS THE HEAD LIKE THAT
ARE THERE TWO
WAHT DO YOU NOOOOOOOOOO
NOOO HOW IS IT STILL ON THERE
The music says done please be done
Cargo destroyed. Cargo. They wanted that thing to be cargo.
please don't tell me ther's a nother one
credits oh thank god
ohhh thank god
I'm still stressed.
I'm still compeltel stressed.
Okay. Okay. Ohhhhhkay.
I have to go do the other thing. Any other thing. WIth lights on. I'm still shaking but muy hands are much better now. I just have to not be doing that. Okay. Right. Light movie to watch now. With lights on.