Jurassic Park: First impressions

As you may be aware, the last Steven Spielberg movie I watched was all kinds of fun, boasting fantastic action, a great score and a breathless pace that kept me glued to my seat. Not that I was going anywhere regardless but still.

Now when I was a kid someone brought me a present of dinosaur stuff from the Royal Tyrell Museum out in Alberta. Dinosaurs were my thing at 5-6 years old. I could spell Tyrannosaurus, and Tyrannosaurus, and I could also spell Tyrannosaurus Rex. No I didn't have a favorite, why do you ask?

Getting back on topic: I know there will be dinosaurs in this movie. I'm grinning like an idiot.

So let's do the usual rundown:

• It's called Jurassic Park, there will be dinosaurs.

• I neither know nor care about anything else because DINOSAURS HELL YES.

• John Williams is doing the music. Isn't there enough icing on the cake already, folks?

• It's supposed to be exceptionally awesome. I'm very okay with this. :D

Anyway, enough of my dallying. It is time for the movie with the dinosaurs!

 UNIVERSAL. Well there's a new one for the blog.

Ooh the music is stense alreadfy

HEllo Mr. Gun, is a dinosaur coming?

they comin boxes now? different

Welcome to Isla Nublar, which is Spanish for Nublar ISland

WHAT the hell

when the lihgt is green, the trap is clean

OH CRAP GUYS IT'S ON

OHSHT

why do dinousars flash blue light

what are you SHOOT HAH

well that took like three minutes. Mr. Spielberg, is it gonna be one of those movies?

Means hand of god

...insurance? It's one of THOSE movies?

Hammon should suck it up, inspections help save people from, oh, let's say SERIOUS INJURY. And getting eaten by dinosaurs

so they're going to get this guy they'll never get yes thank you The Music, world's most terrifying dead bug

my inner 5 year old is squealing with glee

computers hate you right back, buddy

that's unusual


OH that's smart I like it :D

hehehe old computers where IS the fun in that?

Raptors

oh you're asking for it kid

this kid must have just gotten shit for the rest of his life

I'm taking this all at gospel, by the way, I don't know a thing except that I am so sold already

so they're married "A breed of child" HAHAHAHA

"SOME OF THEM SMELL" guys I love it all already oh that won't be good

getting a drink, what's it look like

"for today, I guarantee it!" says Santa :D

OH HEY HAMMON wow you're accent

I like him already

is it called Nublar by any chance

oh this is a shiny concept that I'm all on board with

"small versionf os adults" HEHEHEHE

oh the power of money

I don't know that I'd go somewhere hot for vacation. Call me crazy, but I like a white Christmas

HEllo fat

Hello nervous

HEHAHAHAHA that guy's from a show

"no one cares"

thought that was shaving cream

ah, so you're an ASSHOLE

a CHEAP asshole

the music's just so inspired it's amazing

so who are you then, Discount Terminator

a math guy?

hehehehe fashionable number cruncher

creep. shut it

hahaha TOLD.

OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY EARS RIGHT NOW

I WANT TO GO ANYWHERE THAT MUSIC REPRESENTS

i'm jsust electrified this is the most amazing bumBUM bum BUUUUUUUUUUM

heh, take the easy way

That waterfall, the green, the MUSIC WHO ALLOWS THIS TO EXIST AND NOT BE HEARD BY PEOPLE

play this in schools and the kids will want to go

and now we're adventure music with Jeeps :D guys I'm actually tearing from joy

WELL NOW that fence

so you're the weasel. yes you will, John. Unless fatty ruins it for you.

do we get dinosaurs I want them I want this make it

twist

HOW DO YOU MISS THAT IT'S SO GOOD

yes you will it's amazing and worth every penny

YOU HAVE A T REX WELL THEN THAT'S THE SHOW GUYS THERE WILL BE T REX

I'm with Grant I'm overturned by this

Paused.

According to the timer I'm 22:50 into the movie. It took Mr. Spielberg 22 minutes and 50 seconds to make me forget Indiana Jones and just bask in what he did. I can see where there's a little bit of detail lacking, where the shot looks a few steps short of totally believable, but I can't actually... I don't even know the word. I can't make myself know that? I feel euphoria. Maybe that's the codeine but I feel what I can only call euphoria. Those people are looking out at their life's work brought out of theory and into reality. Any director could have chosen to show us something big and frightening, or set it to music that emphasized size and danger and the earthshaking steps of the brontosaurs, but instead he went with the exact feeling that needed to be here, and it's this pure wonder, this majesty of nature and imagination that says "celebrate what has been done here." I'm SO SOLD ALREADY. I could leave the rest of the film for later. I could watch it never. I don't even care. This is marvelous.

Resuming.

Now we sound businesslike

I agree with you. I'm already captured.

Hahaha

there's that music I was talking about, that danger

hehe cloning

THE BUG IN THE AMBER

this is a great way to do exposition

worst ride ever

agreed

AUTOEROTICA? *no*

REBELLION. hehehe

They did, so by definition yes

eggs :D

fantastic I'm so on board with this

makes sense

NOPE. NOT ALLOW

what's the word here. not pride it's a different one arrogance

HUBRIS there we go. that's what Mr. Awkward is on about

oh well shit and there's the hubris there are raptors on the island

he looks so happy and deranged about the cow

COW DELIVERY FROM YOUR METAL GOD

WELL THAT'S SOME NOISE let's not with the terrifying shrieks okay?

Mr. Gun!

oh they're getting out in the open aren't they oh god now I've got shivers

and they're smart oh well hell

spared no expense

oh the merchandise

man you're a weasel and a rectum

are you here to dress like a Terminator and talk about hubris nonstop?

are you familiar with nukes?

that's an odd argument

you're going Freud with discovery? really?

interesting point from her. didn't catch her name

 hehehehe TOLD.

oh what why

is either of you John Connor because I will feed that one to a T Rex

spared no expense

hitting on his lady? dumb

his John Connor detector is on

get used to it Grant, this is happening

she's full of pranks that one

hehehe butts

WELCOME TO JURASSIC PARK OH YES I AM STOKED

no, Godzilla. Moron.

spared no expense

those are the fin ones?

spitters. Keep back please. Which ones are the fin ones?

Which reminds me, Roomie said we were getting a lot of readers from Finland. Hello Finnish readers! Glad to have you :D

Dennis. I bet he did have Butterfingers. And Oh Henrys. And Coffee Crisps.

gambling maybe

love this guy he's so serious

TYRANNOSAUR OH YES IT IS ON. LET ME SEE A TYRANNOSAUR

 I would expect more fence for a T. Rex

you said it, lady. How did I not catch her name

such a pessimist, Malcolm. I wish I din't know you're going to be right.

baaa.

baaa.

see this is the problem with all zoos. it's real. I DO TOO, I ALSO HATE HIM.

seriously you're a creep

STILL BEING A CREEP

I love that her creep detector's up and Grant doesn't feel the need to cockblock a creep.

guys no why are you not where you belong this is bad

ME. I THINK WHAT YOU SAID.

look at that grin. That is a shit-eating grin Dr. Lady

that's REAL it's REAL you guys it's REAL:D

yep I'm with lady I feel that exact way right now

I WANT A TRICERATOPS PILLOW

the quest for dino poo

didn't think I'd be writing that today

oh and we have storm. Ooooof course.

and that's a man trying to be sexy in front of a mountain of poo. I would like to never experience any other context for that sentence ever ever again.

JUST RIGHT IN THERE

oh come on he can't make lightning what did he actually do

don't split the party why do I need to teach people this

oh so you meant a STORM

SHUT UP

oh no everything's about to go down

ah you're a SLEAZE. Special brand of creep.

right he;'s got stuff to steal

SADLER. There we go. No she is not you sleze

yes they are.

what's happening

CHECK THE VENDING MACHINES, THEY DISPENSE HIM

oh hsit they're all still out in that crap

for now

BECAUSE HE'S STUPID

congratulations you're an idiot

no phones, no security and a FAT COMPUTER MORON THING

you're such a weasel, weaselman.

oh that could be useful actually. HELM OF DARKVISION OBTAINED.

oh shit

 oh shit guys it';s happening

I know where thye are now

yes becasue that makes earhtquakes ALL the time

THERE IS NO GOAT. four most terrifying wortds ever right now

THERE IS SOME GOAT. I was wrong.

OH SHIT YES WE HAVE A T REX

YOU STUPID WEASEL DON'T LEAVE KIDS

right yes because dinos respect privacy

hahahahahaha

THE FENCE I WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS

HOLY SHIT AWESOME

OH HELL YES THAT IS AMAZING AND SCARY AT ONCE

why are you doing that DO NOT DO THAT bye kids

DON'T

of course you did

Hio, My name is T.

that noise is just earthshattering

know the best wayu to turn off a OH SHIT

SNACK CONTAINER FOUND. COMMENCE EATING

that's REAL OH MY GOD THEY MADE A T REX

shivers guys this is so intense STRRESSSSS

GO FETCH

what's this?

tastes like weasel

oh god that would be terrifying but this is so amazing DON'T SCREAM WITH T REX AROUND

not the man's hat

"bet I can make you move"

SO STRESSED GUYS THIS IS AMAZING

YEAH BITCH, THIS IS MY HOUSE

"would you go kill the dinosaurs please?"

speaking of whom, let's check in WELL YES BUT YOU'RE STUPID AREN';T YOU

what's gonna get him raptors raptors will

classic banana peel noise

 OH GOD HERE IT IS

hehehe it's actually cute

they come from the sides though

SHE'S A GIRL YOU MORON

you ARE food

oh god here they come

AHH GOD NO WHAT

 SPIT GOO

 well that's enough of your scheme

AND OF YOU GOOBYE DENNIS

yes he did but he was a weasel. look at this man. he rules the world right now. don't even worry about it

man anyone would throw up there don't even worry about it

just can't catch a break, can they

always in the car

hehehe they found some spare bits of lawyer

oh hey! the sleaze survived

HAHAHAHHAa alright you get a pass for being funny

HAHHA "please chance it" I'll say

but they ARE alive

I told you about splitting the party but nooooo


oh is he gonna get eaten now

yep

according to the music, T REX YES YES YES IT'S ON NOW

HAHAHAHAHAHAH MUST GO FASTER

HAAAAAAA THE MIRROR

NO TIME FOR YOUR JEEP

oh fine whatever I didn't want to eat him anyway

no you hate CARS. tree saved you. CAR tried to kill you

they're singing? no they're like whales. That's talking

"YO MAMMA" well that was a mistake, wasn't it. Seriously don't talk dinosaur if you don't know the lingo

the music is so sweet

the joke is so stupid someone put him back in the car

again with the dad things. :(

 there's a man whose dream is bleeding on the ground

go on, talk about the expense you spared none of

HE'S EATING ALL THE ICE CREAM :D

there's that hubris.

She's right, you're in way over your head.

HGE SAID IT

AWESOME

THAT'S REAL TOO

just imagine waking up to that

like even if it was an elephant just come to visit. I'd love to see an elephant up close, they're supposed to be super smart

ACHOO

indeed :D

I'm loving all of this

no you're not, you're a computer nerd.

wait wait no

those are gss they can't have those oh shit guys

the footprints are amazing detail

they're going to do bad things this is a bad plan

oh god everything's about to go to hell

WHAT

guys it's dark he's gonna die

OHSHIT HERE THEY COME

YES THEY ARE RUN

now they look fake.

first effect I've been unimpressed by

HELLO MR REX HOW DO YOU DO

that kid grew up ugly, calling it now

Hammond's still cuckoo.

oh nice, sexism.

RAPTOR FENCE OH SHIT EVERYONE'S GONNA DIE

oh god you guys this looks like prime raptor territory

Mr. Gun, I salute you, but you're gonna die

STRESS

ALL OF THE STRESS

HAHAHA suck it kids

yeah no you'll be climbing

oh god are they in the shed

OH SHIT THE FENCE

JUMP DOWN NOW

OHSHIT IT ACTUALLY HAPPED

OHFUK NO OH HOLT SHIT N

oh god that's am arm

MR GUN IS STILL ALIVE

NOPE

we made it. now they just have to get to the dock or the helicopter while avoiding the EVERYTHING

still so tense guys. So much stress not going away quickly

there. MOST of the party back togehter. I did warn you

love |Jello

NO

NO NO NO FUCK YOU NO

oh sure go to the food room they wouldn't look there

TWO?

NO YOU AKSED FOR THAT THIS IS YOUR FAULT SADLER FOR ASKING

ogdod no why more

one was enough

the saber claw

STRESS ALL OF THE STRESS

NOPOE

WHERE IS THE OTHERONE OH HELLO THERE

HOFUCK

that looks like the most useless system ever

a way off the island? because that seems most relevant right now

AHAHAHHAHAA "THE PHONES WORK"

BRING THE GUN YOU MORONS

OH WHAT NOOOOO
 
the music is NOT HELPING ME IT IS ON THE RAPTORS SIDE

 HELLO THERE\

SO MUSH STRESS

WHY ARE THERE TWO OH SHIT HOW

AWESOME

T REX HAS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT

yeah but I'd endorse T Rex vs. Raptor cage matches

the music is just hitting me right there

it's changing

birds. I feel like I understand

awestruck.

The only thing I can even compare that to is Star Wars, and I don't think that's fair to either movie. I need a bit to think on this before the second post. Just awesome.