Terminator: Terminator 2 Judgment Day first impressions

We're going to kick this one off not with a witty quip but with a big congratulations for the Los Angeles Kings on their win. I'm pretty sure we all knew that one was coming and I'm sure the headlines would have been good either way - "Kings Crowned Again" vs. "Kings Dethroned" or something yes I know they didn't win last year shut up they got it in 2012 ANYWAY back on track: the Rangers were outclassed but they played one hell of a tight game all the way through to a double overtime. It was tense, exciting, action-packed and why am I talking about all this now?

Because that's what I'm expecting from Terminator 2. :D

Predictions already done and the DVD's just been set up. Roomie's going to be sitting in for part of this one.

That's... overly dramatic music for cars.

and swings

...well then

the playgroudn that's just horrifying

heh, the future was when I was two.

 seriously the TITLE OF THE MOVIE the playground is justHELLO there

you forgot your skin, pal

it's already so TENSE NAD OPPRESSIVE I LOVE IT

DOOMCOPTERS

guys they've got more money this time and it's awesome

are we gonna meet him?

SKYNET. Wait TWO?

like one and one? or yeah okay one and one. HI JOHN why did I not remember "John"

CALLED IT I'm so smart

familiar music. Awesome.

what an image to choose to demonstrate the horror of war. I'm already sold on this and you know what the music's sort of subtly different. Maybe it's the imagery or they played it brand new or something but it just sounds sad and horrifSKULLS HELLO SIR DUMDUMDUM DAHDUM

guys guys I'm so excited for this you don't even know how soldi already am

here we go

ELECTRICAL PROBLEMS AHOY

oh cool it's like a sphere of energy and WOW the damage OH HELLO SIR

well I was right. Let's go find some punks punks are fun

"acquisition of clothing" was a Level 35 priority hahaha

they always pick just the worst people to go annoy first

I'm loving the Terminator-Vision

Paused. Roomie's got a call. I'm just studying the screen while he's talking; it's amazing how many details they threw in just for kicks. Match probability's great, although 0601 has to indicate feet and inches rather than a more reasonable system for computers to use. Look, I go by feet and inches for height too, but a machine should really be using metric. Just saying.

What else do we have... Endomorph, cool, I know that from school. I think the Terminator's more of a Medomorph though. That's not right. Ectomorph, Endomorph, ... V shape morph. Midmrph? I'm sure it started with an M.

Also apparently he has 480 levels of scan. That makes me laugh.

AND WE'RE BACK. Turn your phones off at the movies, jerks. :P

"I need your clothes your boots and yoru bike" HAHAHA NO TIME FOR YOUR PLEASE

mistake

OHSHIT face on him

Terminator says no

OH GOD THAT WOULD SUCK

yyyyyyeah guys, he's back

"I can use this one to clean my teeth"

HAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I LVOE IT

guys I'm actually praising the badguy right now because just what a balls awesaome music pick

really? you think you've got what it takes to take down a Teminator? It took a hweole movie last time

WHY THANK YOU SIR.

OH YES GUYS WE ARE BACK AND IT IS ON AND I AM SO SOLD

you get a hell of an entrance to beat, fella

Emperors? On my beat? I don't think so

"electrical disturbance?"

hehe that's pretty cool

butts

this guy's lean, mean and PICKS SMART DISGUISES. we're playing with a smart lead and I love it LOOK AT THAT SO USEFUL

guys is it him? is it him? :D

Legal what

what happened to Sarah?

guys no don't tell me she's dead

hey John! I think I just met older you and youuuuuuu are a brat

you two are real prizes, aren't you

TOLD.

guys that's a motorbike who lets a kid that age ride a motorbike

SARAH CONNOR YES

holy crap she's a tank

YOU

YOU SON OF A WEASELS.

clever way to remind everyone

the knee?

OH YES SHE DID. AWESOME.

guys she';s not a panda

are you being a dick YOU'RE BEING A DICK.\

OH WHAT THE HELL

NO WHAT THE HELL IS THIS COME ON

YOU WOULD GET BETTER TREATMENT IN JAIL

Hey Old John! :D

look at him it's totally him, the contempt on his face for this place

the eyes, so much "no" in them.

wait maybe not, ihe should know what he looks like

oh wait BIG GUY ON A BIKE OH WELL IT'S ON NOW

This is gonna rock guys.

you, Young John, are a brat of the hightest order

she taught you how to be a hacker before you wer I don't even know how old?

pre-puberty, by the sounds of it THE PICTUREE :D

man don't diss your mom she will own you WELL OF CORUSE SHE DID YOU'RE MY FAVORITE, SARAH

guys she's been upgraded into a stone cold badass and I love OH CRAP HE'S ALREADY HERE

who's REESE? guys guys no :(

guys he's dead :(

I'm tearing yoiu can't do this to me

he said it to her guys no

"there's no fate but what we make of it" can they stop the skynet? That's the movie I gope

guys no you can't make me emotional this early it's unfair

don't take Sarah too

she's not in the future don't tell me she dies in this movie

THE PLAYGROUND

chills

I just what is the movie een doing to me

that's the most horrific thing ever. "burnt paper."

AND THEY FLY APART LIKE LEAVES WHAT THE HELL

yep, she's a graduate of the Kyle Reese School of Talking To Authorities

Dr. Weasel how do you have the credentials to work here

way to telegraph your escape plan Sarah

he's gonna say no

because he's a bitch

wait whay

THAT'S RIGHT WHERE DID IT GO

COVERUP OH GUYS THIS IS AMAZING

THESE GUYS ARE SKYNET

"it" oh this is awesome

guy reminds me of Obama, he's got that same calm look no not just cause he's black

what is it I am curious so very curious AND THEY HAVE THAT ARM

don't be a weaselbitch Dr. Weaselbitch

well yeah she did practically tell you that

guy come on she's a mom

he time traveled?

EAT HIM SARAH

man she may not have been crazy when they threw here in there but it's not gonna turn around if they treat her like that

the music's awesme OH HELLO THERE

ah shit it's on now

WHERE'S THE OTHER GUY

he's IN THE WRONG PLACE. CATCH UP DOOFUS

hahahaha old video games look kso bad

ROSES? HAHAHAHHAA crafty sir

oh guys how's this gonna THAT'S WHY HE NEEDED THE PICTURE IT IS HIM

COME ON JOHN, GO SAVE YOU

oh god all these kids around this is bad guys it's going bad THAT game looked pretty cool

YOU MORON

YOU BLOODY MORON WHY

Old John, that's your own fault, you should have remembered

NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT, HOCKEY HAIRCUT

OH SHIT IT'S ON NOW

SO EXICTEDNOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHIT

NOO NONONOONONON GET HIM<

QUICK JOHN

NO NO NO NO WHAT NO RUN
THE FUCK

what

Paused

what

he just blocked the THE OTHER ONE IS AFTER HIM WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL IS THIS I AM SO ALL KINDS OF ON BOARD WITH HWAT IS HAPPENING NOW. folks you have no idea how compeltrely awesome this is. You do but you just don't. Guys I'm, just so SOLD. THIS MOVIE JUST QUADROUPLED IN BADASS AND AWESOME WE HAVE A TERMINATOR ON OUR SIDE

but who the hell is THAT guy

right right back to wha tI'm supposed to be doing

he's got like metal body armor or what the hell WHAT THE FUCK HE HEALS

AND HE'S THROWING AROUND THE 101 LIKE A BOSS

right let's all hjust snap phortos CATCH UP TO HIM

the music is NOT HELPING MY STRESS

HE'S KEEPING UP WITH A MOTORCYCLE WHAT IS THIS THING EVEN

DON'T LET HIM HAVE A TRUCK

I SAY THESE THINGS AND YOU DO NOT LISTEN TO ME

NO TIME FOR YOUR CAR

get outgetoutgetout

yeah enclosed spaces that'll heklp you GROW A BRAIN SIR

WHAT THE SHIT

guys this is so badass I can't even with worfds

He dropve a truck off an overpass COME ON GOOD TERMINATOR KILL THE BAD ONE

I sound like a kid right now BADASS SIR BEST KEY

BEST KEY WORKS TWICE

the music is so much stress

 IT'S A CONVERTIBLE NOW

shitshitshit BAD ASS

this is so exctiting and tense you have no idea

yoink

looks like you've got a flat sir

annnnnnd now skeletons show up and it's all horrifying

chill man it's a tire

hes gonna pop up aghain

what

what HE'S JUST PURE METAL

WHO LET THE GOLEM INTO THIS MOVIE. WE DON'T LET GOLEMS INTO MOVIES

you know what the Terminator's kind of a golem too when you think about it

he's pretty honest about it

 kid don't be a brat the Terminator has no time for your shit

I take it back you don't deserve to be called Sarah Connor Jr

HAHHAHAHAHHA "you did"

what's sscary about this guy BESIDES HIS MUSIC WHICH IS HERE NOW is that he just blends in so perfectly. He looks like a cop. He'll be allowed to go ANYWEHRE

what the hell DOES that meoh

yeah since he IS the authoriT 1000. LOVE IT.

"THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I WOULD TRY TO KILL YOU, YES" never change, Terminator.

why yes, yes I do

it shapeshifts doesn't it oh god

it's her

it can change form oh I know it can LOL TERMINATOR VOICE TRICK

CONNED. Love it.

And so warm and understanTHAT IS AN ARM WHICH IS A SWORD HOLY SHIT GUYS

okay it has limitations. that's helpOH IT CAN JUST STAB YOU, THAT'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

the thing about knowing its limits? I DO NOT FEAR IT ANY LESS FOR THAT

oh shit the cops are going to chase the wrong one

with the help of the one who looks like a cop GUYS THIS IS SO SMART AND AWESOME

shut up Dr. Weaselbirch, nobody likes you ARMED AND DANGEROUS YES.

this movie, I swear

every sentence starts out smart and ends with crazy shouting

"I am the captain of the not caring brigade."

I need a nickname for the 101. We're gonna call him Sir. I feel like that's right.

Yes she knew you dipstick.

I APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN shut up Sir.

I hate that Sir is right

his problem is that he is lacking in time for the shit which is yours

oh no

no don't listen to the brat

he's not smart

oh you cocky little shit.

best pet ever

HAHAHA put your leg down KID YOU JUST SUCK SHUT UP

no shit kid. it's in the name.

yes he is, you're dumb

yes he can, you're dumb TOLD

TOLD AGAIN. SIR IS AWESOME.

he makes "why" sound like it's not a question so much as an 'I don't give a rat's ass"

oh shit guys no don't let him do it

why do I ask you guys to stop things from happening in a movie? it's all I've got so shut up me.

oh right strap her in make it extra easy for the T1000

GROSS

LOOK JUST NO

T kilo, you can kill that guy. I approve of all the murder of that guy.

Sarah Connor you badass. The shit you go through for your kid. Just love it

I feel like I shouldn't worry but I can't trust the movies any more with anyone.

WHERE

oh god no she's going to die she doesn't know what this one looks like

fat guard, you're next to die I just know it

THE FLOOR? NOPE

O NO NO DON'T WANT THAT ONE

OH SHIT I TOLD YOU ABOUT EES I WAS VERY CLEAR NO

this is just going to be a thing, isn't it

and starring just about everyone as the T 1000

BARRED. That was immensely satisfying.

I just realized she'll hide from anyone anyway no disguise will help it approach

That's a great trikc YESSS

go fuck yourself Dr. Weaselbitch

BEST. LINE. EVER. Sarah Connor for president of everything

it's hilarious how stiff the kid is WHAT

"he'll live" how most helpful of you Sir

that took no time at all she's a stone cold beast of awesome

oh come on

OH COME ON

hehehe she's just the best

 it's going to jump out oh god

OH RIGHT THAT WOULD BE THE WORST THING

I didn't evben think about how bad that would be

NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT

the face elbow of total failure

HE SAID WHAT REESE DID THAT'S THE BEST THING

oh not you

WHAT HE CAN DO THwell then we're all fucked aren't we

the headsplosiion was just the creepiest thing

STRESS GUHYS I AM GFULL OF STRESS

a blob of mercury is chasing them

what the hell do you even do against that

this is the most exciting thing I'm so sold you guys

 and now it has crowbar arms and IT'S JUST THE MOST MONSTROUS THING

don't give things back to the badgfuy, John. we don't play sportsmanlike with the killer mercury

Sarah don't be mean he wanted to see you

...oh god she's gonna die

they just said she'd die

come on Sarah, don't be the worst member of your family

"what's wrong with your eyes" don't ask him to fix them, I won't want to see it

he's so plain and soft-spoken it's amazing

like I'm afraid of it but it's an awesome thing.

AND WE'RE DOING SURGERY.

"Correct"

she's got a grudge

"a dork?" Sir you don't have to take that

and we're scalping Terminators now.

I feel like he only has to obey John, and Sarah he gets to ignore. We'll see if I'm right but he's awful bossy

reminds me of a wafer cookie

love wafer cookies.

that would be a terrible idea, Sarah.

the doppelgolem's going to catch up you know

he's got a BIT of a point? but he's still a brat

see this is why Sir is useful, he keeps watch AND opens car doors in the least practical way imaginable

sure he does, he's the Terminator

are you going to teach him how to sound like a moron YES YOU ARE

I do not accept this.

"I'll give you half?" I hate that you have to grow up.

Terminators don't smile, moron

yyyyyyyeah let's never ask you to do that again

much better

she's so haunted

Miles Dyson, we're off to kill you I think.

Cyberdine is a great name and I want you all to know that

so really what happens is people are stupid and they give the computer all the controls

Cold War kind of vibe here

guy's name means "far away" and you think you're getting through to him WHAT let's not with the tongue

hehehee old computers she's a very nice looking lady isnt she

it's amazing, the way he talks you almost agree with him

he's just a normal guy with a family how can they kill him

were those SNAKES?

charming place

so lively.

if he speaks English and she speaks Spanish...

 Uncle Bob. Really.

yeah I'm with you hatman

HAHAHAHAH even Sir is like "what"

HAHAHHAHAA SIR IS LIKE WHAT IS A BABY

well alright then, we have stuff! :D

that's a lot of guns

Sarah you managed to impress THE TERMINATOR with your firepower. You're just the best.

she's got the war eyes.

Nintendo wasn't the thing, it was PS2 and then Wii and then PS3 and Xbox.

kid I want to smack the wax out of you shut up

now that's a Terminator smile.

And we have Sarah Connor modeling the Warrior collection.

that would be a weird conversation. "by the way my son's Future Jesus"

new subject please

this is booooooooooooring shut up John

education on lacrymation!

why did you teach him to talk like that you are a bad person

you deserve that.

best dog ever

Paused. need a sec

okay and back

it's hard to evemn picture her in waitress mode right now

oh not the playground again

that's

I JUST SAID THIS

:(

OHGOD NO WHAT THE HELL

leaves

shaking

change the future, Sarah. Change it. HOLY LADY SOLDIER she looks just epic.

she's gonna kill that guy

you said it John

if only you would say it in a less annoying way.

THE DOPPELGOLEM

I forgot all about the doppelgolem

"nope."

"we have fillings" is what I heard. The Ghost Twinkie may be influencing me.

Sarah no

Sarah no NO HIS KIDS ARE AWAKE NO

just tell him the truth

tell him anything

show him Sir for pete's sake

THE HELL SARAH NO

SARAH NOOOOOO

 he's got no idea why this is even happening doe she

her music's like the Terminator's now

she's the monster now oh god

Sarah no

 she's never killed anyone has she

guys all the feelings right now :(

don't lead the doppelgolem to this poor family. Don't do that.

OH GROSS WHAT

I mean that's genius but HE PULLED IT OFF LIKE A SLEEVE

oh he knows that arm

I don'[t blame you guy

see that's the thing, it's not him, it's the people who will exploit his idea

men like him came up with nuclear power. someone else turned it against people. see? he's reasonable.

THAT'S RIGHT

oh god Mr. Friendly will be waiting there

the narrating is weird and she should stop doing it

takes me right out of the action

"these are the forms you're looking for"

fruit's better than caffeine right no

security locked you out, fella

not for a card, perhaps, but for a Terminator? Cause we've got Sir

OH RIGHT he hacks things

the cops. Right.

HAHAHHAHA YESSSSSSSSSS SIR YOU'RE THE MAN

helon?

no idea

poison gas in a computer lab? that's a weird OSHIT IT'S HIM AND HE BROUGHT HIS DRONE OF DOOM

seriously it's just this relentless drone BWAAAAAAaaaah BWAAAAAAAaaaaaah

annnnnnd now he knows.

it's neat how they use sunglasses to show which one's the evil one by hiding the eyes.

"Pardon me, death machine, may I borrow your killing device?"

Catharsis.

YOU DON'T SAY

guys this is so awesome I'm excited and engrossed and it's just so cool

Wait they're going to blow it up?

The party's back together! :D

Guys we have a party now! :D

It's so awesome! :D

EEEE SO EXCITED

he can't kill! AND HE HAS A MINIGUN OH WELL NOW IT IS ON

"Let me explain about all the cars you used to have"

"Let me explain about all the bladder-stored urine you used to have"

BOOM. LOVE IT.

LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

why is there a decimal point

"nah"

that's a weird system. what if someone sneezes or like is half a second off

those are the oddest looking balls ever, just gonna say

guys I would go anywhere that's not there if I were you

why is it slowing down OH HEY G=UYNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO YOU DID NOT

OH NO NOT SARAH TOO

DON'T DO IT

NOOOOO I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS NO

YOU HAVE KIDS AND A WIFE GET OUT

there's about to be

HEY LOOK I was right now get Miles

"Sir's Doormaking Service, how many doors do you need"

you're going to blow up cops? don't do it man

clever to the end. Miles, I salute you :(

:( nooooo

no

MOTHER BALLS THERE IT ALL GOES

oh not again with the elevatorOH OF COURSE HE'S HERE

did someone order a doppelgolem?

HAHAHHAA HE SAID IT AGAIN

"no thank you"

really how many shots did they need to figure out it was doing squat

they're STILL trying oh that would be very painful indeed HEY GUY.

you know they have elevators, yes?

so awesome

HAHHAA HE DOES LEARN :D

what is it with Terminators and trucks?

BWAAAAAAaaaaaah. BWAAAAAAaaah

HOLY GREAT MONKEYS and then he MELTS INSIDE

well, that's less stabby than your usual MO, isn't it

wait he's chasing them. with a chopper. how did this movie become the best thing

"any human would be too scared to follow us after that"

chase. awesome,

NO WHAT THE GODDAM YOU RAMMED IT???

I'm so scared for Sarah right now  I feel liek there's a real chance she won't make it

DON'T GIVE HIM THE TRUCK

"I appreciate your concern in that it has facilitated my acquiring of your truck"

The destroyed face A LIQUID NITROGEN TRUCK well at least that can't explode

not like fiery anyway

can it?

Hyrdogen explodes, oxygen explodes, what does nitrogen do

seriously Terminators and trucks

STRESSED GUYS I CAN FEEL IT

SHUT UP JOHN YOU'RE NOT HELPING

shaiking with excitement this is amazing and HE'S SHOOTING GRENADES. ON THE HIGHWAY.

still terrible aim

a factory oh god we're going into the end aren't we

EVERYBODY MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

dramatic fogging, yeah we're going in oh guys I am stoked and thrilled and terrified and I know he's not done where is he

wait

wait this can stop him!

THIS IS IT ISN'T IT OH MY GOD YOU GUYS THIS IS THE BEST SOLUTION EVER

FREEZE THE LIQUID METAL YESSSSSSSS :D

HE'S BREAKING APART IT'S SO AMAZING

guys; this has just been an incredible film and this effect is fantastic look how stunned it is

HHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OHHHH YESSSSS THAT WAS THE BEST

and now I get that line too

that was incredible.

what

whaaaaaaaaaat no

WHAT

NO

HOW

HOW DO YOU OH MY GOD IT'S REASSEMBLING OUT OF DROPS AND PUDDLES

how are they supposed to stop that?

oh god no she's like Reese in the last film and it's still coming oh my god guys I am not ready for this why is it still alive

this is like last time and I am sto STRESS right now

 what

it didn't mean to do that IT'S DAMAGED :D

okay so it's on the fritz now it can be beaten YES it's failing they just havwe to run it down or get it to merge with something it can't unstick from

stop going silent, music

HERE WE GO IT'S ON AND IT WON'T EVER BE OOFF

hahaha revcersal WHAT THE HELL it morphed aournd the punch?!?!?!

oh god the arm he's stuck

maybe they can throw im into the molten wellll you just ripped off your own arm

it';s so SLOW WHY

WHY IS IT BEING SO SLOW

oh god no HERE IT COMES THIS IS IT I'M NOT READYYYYY

WHAT THE HELL WITH THE FACE

nooooooooooooo

you'e a moster

NOT THE EYE

noooooooo not Sarah

HOW

HOW CAN IT FIGHT LIKE THAT

oh god it's all over someone kill ti epleeeeeease

Sir

Sir you need to get up

so that's it then

:(

Sir is gone

I don't even know

Sarah it's on you now you need to finish this again

SIR YOU ARE AWAKE

YESSS YESS GET UP AND FINISH THAT PUDDLE

oh no he's mimicking Sarah nooooo don't dfall for it John YOU MORON

IT'S THE DOPPELGOLEM

THE FEET OH YES

KNOCK HIM IN

YES YES whyyyyyyy

finger wag?? the hell? It's just saditsic now

OHHH YES IT'S SIR

whaaaaat has it become OH GOD THE SCREAM OH GOD

it's  the shapes are coming out of it oh god it looks like some demonic thing what's happening

that has to be it

that's the end

so much stress

Sir you look terrible

HAHAHAHAHA Sir has grown a sense of humor

"terminated" Excellent

oh no not Sir you need Sir gone too

I';m right and I hate it

I ahte this

won't work and we all know it

respect.

this is the worst and i hate it

really

really the thumbs uAND THe termiator vision is gone

ypou are all bad people

humanity wins for now

annnnd once more I am just wrecked and you are all just terrible terrible people. I'll see you in second thoughts; I need to brain-digest all of that.