Arr. Rum... something. Rum's Caribbean, anyway, and I'm pretty sure it's a piratey drink. Or maybe that's grog. Glog is a spiced wine that some sort of non-French Eurofolk enjoy at Christmas (Jeremies also enjoy it and got to try it this year, it was very nice), and screech is Caribbean run of the most particularly cheap and horrifying sort, which the Newfies try to pass off as something one can drink. They are liars. And probably pirates. So as I was saying, rum is a pirate drink!
Of course, I can't drink anything fun right now, so I'm going to settle in for piracy on the sunny seas with a tall glass of... milk. You know, for strong bones. Oh the irony.
Daily ritual time! Jeremy, what do you know about this movie?
• There will be pirates!
• It is likely set in the Caribbean! Which Roomie was good enough to spell for me because I can never remember if it's two Rs or two Bs.
• Two Bs or not two Bs, that is the question.
• There's a cursed jewel, a black pearl that they'r eprobably chasing because pirates or trying to get rid of because curses. Cursed jewels had some real cachet in my gaming group, the two DMs loved them.
• The rest of us not so much.
• There will probably be rum!
• Or grog!
• But not glog, which is a shame.
• Or milk, which is less of a shame but you know, milk is good, go milk.
• SO YES. JEREMY DOES NOT KNOW THIS MOVIE. I know it was popular when I was in elementary school and that they made a sequel and that some kids had lunchboxes. Nobody ever played pirates, though. I think we all thought we were too grown-up for that. And then bickered about cooties or something because hey why not? Nah, we played soccer. Good times.
Now then, I haven't done anything with pirates yet. That sounded lewd. Moving on: let's watch us a new movie! :D
Hmm... ominous foggy opening.
With a ship! Full of pirates?
Hello creepy singing child. That's not dissonant or eerie at all. Go you.
Cursed pirates, or accursed pirates? Didn't catch it. There's a difference.
"Consider them marked." I doubt his sincerity.
Miss Swan. Mr. Gibbs. Lieutenant. Check.
Hehe Gibbs you're the man.
Mr. SwanGOVERNOR Swan my apologies. HAHAHA you know it, sir.
Do you have enough fog and rrrrandom umbrella
Why so there is! Let us mock him for his unfortunate position.
WELL THEN. Guess pirates have NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT.
Hello Elizabeth. Go fall in love with that kid, eh? Cool, thanks.
Wait why are you rowing TOWARD the pit of fiery doom?
Bit early for the jumps, yes?
Good day, Will Turner! I mean, not for you, but just in general.
You're being a sneak, Liz
Well that does look very friendly AND THAT IS A GHOST PIRATE SHIP OKAY THEN
guys I'm so stoked for this.
So this is Old Liz. Well, grown-up Liz. I shouldn't judge.
Right yes always put on the necklace with the skull on it. It's not obviously cursed and magical.
Every time someone says that there's ALWAYS a HERE WE GO.
HAHAHAHHAA agreed Liz. That just seems tremendously unfomcortable.
Nice going sir. Is this Will it's Will.
"The six-fingered man's sword"
I should know more about swords, swords are cool.
Ohhhh it was his work wasn't it.
Let's see if THAT craftsman wants to hear you "appreciate" his "work"
HAHA I like it. At least once more, as always.
Yyyyeah they fell in love.
So now he just has to dress up in black andPIRATE WITH EPIC MUSIC
Look at YOU sir
guys I'm sold on this fffffffHAHAHAHA WHAT
WHERE'S THE REST OF IT
bad day for you, sirs
Pirates, ye be warned.
This music is excellent. Strings of adventure! :D
HAHAHAHA ohh okay so haha oh this is grand
Look at this guy! Welcome Mr. Smith indeed
oh you scallywag
I like him, he's going to be lots of fun
They do this sort of thing at Louisbourg. It was fun to see a few times.
Need a name for that guy. Hatman. He is Hatman.
Hatman is up to shenanigans and chicanery.
If he sees one, he shall inform you immediately.
Can';t call him HAtman, they;ve all got Hats
hahahaha someone has to do the job, I suppose
Nigh. Great word.
Oh it's a ship!
Oh it's a fake ship!
Oh it's a real ship I hate you both
I'm with you, Braidbeard
A MAN SO EVIL HELL SPAT HIM OUT. SOLD.
Hahaha love the smile.
"Just trying it on, I swear"
IT'S SUCH A PRETTY BOAT! :D
I feel sorry for people whose real name is Smith, it's such an alias
I think he was too
HAHAHA GUYS THIS IS AWESOME. IT'S LIKE PRINCESS BRIDE ON A BOAT
No hold the phone is he hitting on her HE IS PROPOSING TO A LADY HE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO BABYSIT
Yeah, guy, this is why you're still single. Women would rather plunge into the sea
Pride of the King's navy.
WHAT was that
Yes I just said that
Zooming in on skeletons is never good, I just want you to know that right now
seriously it went like VOOM. Something bad is coming.
The music agrees with me.
What does Signapore have to do with anything OH HEY HE KNOWS WHAT IT IS
"I was undressing her for her own safety, promise"
HAHAHAHAH "his fault" "SHOOT HIM"
Oh would you look at that
WELL THAT DIDN'T GO WELL AT ALL
Hello Jack SpaCAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, my apologies
But you HAVE heard of me!
So sold on this. This is excellent.
THOUGH IT'S ENOUGH TO CONDEMN HIM> oh what are we up to now
Chaotic neutral! :D
AND MY HAT
I thought he couldn't shoot? No powder. He said so
Well come on, what was the alternative? Hanging for saving you? No thank you
HAHAHA YESSSSSS AWESOME
ENJOY THE CANNON
He's just not very good at this
HAHAHAHAHHA that's great
The chase is on!
So they can neither swim nor shoot. Good soldiers.
Norrinton, you're just a stick aren't you
What do you do with a drunken blacksmith EAR-LY IN THE MORNING
AHAHAHAH why would you even ahhhhh that's why
this plan has issues
Oh hey! It's Will!
Not a minute into the shop and he's rubbing his ass.
ohhh the hat
Hands off, sir
Have I threatened you before? Amused
These two aren't left-handed either!
Are you TEACHING him?
AHAHA THE DOOR you sneaWHOA NOW LET'S NOT BE THROWING THOSE
Guy come on, he's in a blacksmith's place it's nothing but weapons and a dinkey
Valid point, Jack.
That was a fairly unlikely thing to be practicing for, jhust saying
This? This is great. The balancing act :D
NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT
Annnnd up you go :D
This just keeps getting more and more awesome! :D
The music agrees with me!
Oh hell. You're gonna HAHAHA SUCKER
well that's one way to win
"Pirate" Valid point
Oh just shoot him
Interesting! Who is it meant for?
Wait seriously? HE gets the credit HAHAHAH he looks like a troll
Dog's like "Offer some steak"
HAHHAA way to misinterpret, Liz.
What does "smart" mean in this context? Like pants?
Oh look at you, maid lady! Being scandalous!
ohhhh crap it's on now
what IT is I have no idea but the on-ness of IT is not even in questioWELL IT WOULD BE PIRATES THEN WOULDN'T IT
How do you know THOSE CANNONS?
Oh it is! :D
Oh this is getting verrrry interesting now!
"No survivors? Who tells the stories?" Duhhhhhhh...
Well holy shit maybe they do leave no survivors, the rate they're going
HERE THE COME
Man they're like sea goblWHY THE EYE WHY IS THIS A THING
Go Will! Put that three hours of training to good use
why are you there? LEAVE
AGREED WITH NORRINTON. That's how much of a moron you are.
Oh god no they're coming for her ELLO CHUM OH HERE COMKES THE STRESS
YESSSSSS EMBERS AWAY, BITCH
oh crap you're done now
AND OUT HE GOES!
...ahahaha that won't help then will it
out the window! :D
"Really?" oh dear
It CALLS TO THEM? SO INTRIGUED YOU GUYS
WHAT IS IT?
OH SHIT THAT WAS CREEPY
they're chaotic evil, why do they have a code? Nonsense
You just asked for that, moron
GO GET HER WILL
oh what the hell
"You've no manner of luck at all" How very true.
Of course there's a full moon. Wasn't eerie enough to be BESIEGED AT NIGHT BY PIRATES
they've found him
Not firends, then
THERE IS A CURSE
shivers of awesome
that IS very interesting
that was a skeleton arm
Was he rotting? It was just the arm. Everyone else seems fine
LOTTA LONG WORDS, MISS hahahahaha
"means no" LOVE IT. THIS GUY IS GREAT
oh well they know that thing, don't they
Ohhhh she caught them
OH THAT'S AN OBVIOUS TELL. Miss Turner indeeWAIT THAT MEANS THEY WANTED WILL
the hell does "bootstrap" mean
IT'S A TRAP DON'T DO ohhh you did it
you're about to learn the meaning of Laweful Evil, Liz
TOLD THRICE OVER, LIZ
and Will is up with the chickens
They probably know that, Will
THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
"Even though you're the only age-appropriate one"
Where does it whatnow
hehe miscreants ILA DA MUERTA. Sounds like Island of Death
He's so happy about that!
The key's run off. Amused.
Oh he knows too HE KNOWS THEY'RE ALL INTERESTED IN WILL TURNER WHAT IS UP
ICan't leave without the hat
THEY'RE GOING TO STEAL A SHIP?
oh right because if you call it commandeering there's no problem at all
"Oh good!" so chipper about that
JUST YOUR AVERAGE LEGGED CANOE, NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG
was gonna say, can be both
well look at them go
Someone took the flaw "Must Repeat Own Name"
Look at them go. Like inept little monkeys.
THERE IS A PLAN, A CLEVER PLAN let me in on this plan
annnd here they come
oh would you look at YOU ARE A CLEVER FELLOW
YOU TOOK THE FAST ONE
he took the fast one
Swing and a miss. Literally :D
THEY DID, TOO! THEY PREPPED THE WHOLE SHIP!
THAT'S GOT TO BE THE BEST SO IT WOULD SEEM. AWESOME.
Guys this is a lovely movie and I'm glad I'm watching it now. I wouldnt have caught so much if I were like ten
Yes I did. He became Darth Vader. Very sad.
BOOTSTRAP. THERE WE GO.
AND HE WAS A PIRATE! LOOK AT THAT
He was a scallywag! What a jaunty way to describe a pal
I think they were pals
He's got you there, Will
"all by me onesie" just picturing him with this baby footie pyjama thing
What is Dortuga
Aha, a wretched hive of scum and villainy!
Why yes I watched it again why do you ask
Can't even try to quote him half the time, he talks os fasHAHAHAH It will linger
I may have deserved that! Love it
alternately, try a pinch of salt over the shoulder
HAHAHA he's just like "fair enough"
yeah, watch out for rogues. And their ilk.
So he wants to steal a ship
Yeah, prove himk wrong
Ohhhhh they need Will Turner for someYEAH MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS WHY DON'T YOU
What does it meeeeeeeeean
Take what you can, give nothing back! Excellent
And now we have the Black PEarl.
Hahaha he totally called it didn't he
Well done, Barbosa
AND THEY'RE JUST LIKE "YOUR CHOICE WAS UNREASONABLE"
Hell of a dinner
Damn that bread looks good
Is the food cursed OH THE POISON APPLE
either that or you're just getting off on this
man apples get a bad rap. Good job fairytales. Which one was that with the apple
So they're all cursed. How? That one guy was partially rotted
Shut up, monkey
At least it's not a Nazi monkey
and then she does the Marion thing because of course
so that's like the last one wait blood?
THEY THINK SHE'S A PIRATE'S DAUGHTER
"yet" OH WELL SHIT THEN
ARR he said it :D
you're on a boat EXACTLY thank you Barbosa WHAT THE HELL IS THIS
It's actually a ghost ship they're all undead
WE'RE DEAD AND ENJOY THE TRAMPOLINE
The wheel was awesome
OHSHI NOOOOOOO NO FUCK OFF WITH THE UNDEAD MONKEY
That is one hell of a nasty curse
And then they're all like "this is the most hilarious thing"
I'm with you Liz, this just escalated like hell
Good day Cotton
"Mr Cotton's... parrot" Love it
beyond a doubt
This is a thing, right?
HHEHEHE that's two
right so: borrowed without permission, no success. Commandeer? Great success
AYE. THAT ONE.
"Worse luck not to" Jack knows, man. He knows about the ladies.
See this? This is why I don't boat. This just looks like misery.
so wait it's a magic item! It points to Ila Da Muerta, doesn't it
Loves him some ceremony, Barbosa does
you know, Barbe is french for beard and Os is french for bone
he really is
well this looks familiar
THANK YOU CREEPY PARROT.
Hamemrhead sharks, no elss
oh so it's his ship
Jacks'a moron. Of course there was.
HAHA love the imitation
so that's who it's for. That's actually really awesome.
insane sort of escape story
OH HELLO JACK
"from muh back" HOW GROSS WOULD THAT BE
Aye, the code. Love all these chaotics with a code of ruleHELLO WEALTH
you two done screwed the pooch
Really? A parasol?
I'm with you, large growly man
That IS a pretty chaotic code, I'll give them that.
"Not all treasure is gold" Truer words...
Hell of a speechyman, isn't he?
How did they not figure it out right from the getgo? or was it one of those nasty slow curses
Oh now the monkey knows IT IS NEVER RIGHT WHEN THE MONKEY KNOWS
PErsonal space, Jack
JAck's just excellent. Kudos to the actor, he just owns it
oh shit what's gonna happen
thsat was stupid
he told you nothing stupid
that was pretty simple, all told
Didn't take. I wonder why. Sure hope Jack didn't deliver them exactly what they want
HAHAHHAA I DIDN'T THINK HE'D ACTUALLY DO IT
GUYS COME ON enough with the abuse
what the hell are they afraid of?
It's coming undone now!
OHHHHH THEY DID WHAT?
"eh fine, let's just WAIT WHAT"
Oh shit Jack's still in the cave
AHAHHAA he stole the oars. Of course he ddwell that didn't last long
"am I not? oh well then NOT THAT WEAY OR THIS WAY"
That would be the FrenYESSSS I WAS JUST SAYING IT
I lvoe this movie. It thinks like I do! ...Badly! :D
yyyyeah kinda dropped the hero ball there, Liz
he's gonna say it
HE SAID IT. Can I take that flaw next time?
How do you NOT make that mistake? It's the man's name!
She did, too! Call her out, then kiss her. She's gonna let ya
She's gonna kiss you first at this rate
DON'T STOP oh there it is right there plain as day
OH GO ON ALREADY
you two are MORONS and why is your hand at her boobs YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT A SEXY THING, RIGHT?
Oh come off it you would have loved it
annnd now Will catches up. I love being ahead of the characters, I feel smart.
Jack, Jack you're overreaching. Baaaaadly.
I suspect this does not go in Jack's favor. They're going to catch up to the Interceptor. Which will be the Intercepted.
That's a valid point YOU ARE TAUNTING HIM and who called it? I called it. I am a genius!
"People are easy to search when they're dead!" FLING. Love it. Barbosa, you're a hell of a guy. Man so evil, nah, but you're a hell of a fun thing.
Wait do they bring their own fog?
Oh so now she's in charge! Ladies rule the ship!
"Apparently there's a leak!" Jack you're just so unflappably deranged, I love it.
What does that mean that he said it like it was this sneaky awesome thing? "The sweeps?"
William, you're going to do something particularly stunned soon, aren't you
Yeah, fight the skeletons. Always works.
You and your GODDAMN MONKEY
IS it just me or is Liz DAFT LIKE JACK HOW IS THAT A COMPLIMENT
so how does this help?
I'm not a nautical guy, I don't get the what-all of this
HERE WE GO
STOP BLOWIN OWLS IN MY WHIP
AHAHAHAHA OH THT'S HUST THE WORST oh ewwwww don't yank it out
No seriously they were shooting cutlery
No luck of any kind, Jack my sir OH HEY
Treacherous, lady. Where's your sisterhood
This is getting hard to follow with all the god and that was like a bolas they just shoOHHH SHIT THIS IS BAD
So wait, he boarded... his own ship... with the other ship.
Just speculating, what happens if you knock one into the drink?
Wait why is je stuck udner the ship WHAT IS HAPPENING OH GOS TRESS THEY'RE GOING TO BLOW IT UP
"Thanks very much!"
WHACK. Yes, like that, thank you Jack
You fucking monkey. You know, I used to like monkeys
"That's not very nice!"
So, lawful good, chaotic good and a chaotic neutral party member they don't particularly like.
Chasing a monkey? Come on.
"Not you, we named the monkey Jack." IT HURTS TO LAUGH OH MY GOD
This is NOT VERY POSITIVE. I know he gets out, they need his blood, but STILL THERE IS DROWINING
Not a fan of the French, is he?
Barbosa, the crazy eye is strong with you
Annnnnd there he goes
"Like that." Yes, Jack. Like that.
Why do they let him talk?
Don't fuck it up, boy
"Yes we know that one"
Poor Jack. Will does NOT like you.
If he had, they wouldn't be quite so completely fucked right now, eh?
"Don't dare question my honor!" Love Barbosa. He's just sneaky witty good fun.
THE DRESS HAHAHAHHA oh that's brilliant
Haha you old pervert.
Oh fuck off monkeyJack
TOO LONG kersplash
That we made you Governor of. I'm just all over how awesome a dick Barbosa is.
And he even plays "fair." BY THE POWERS, YOU'RE RIGHT!
Oh here we go, the Lawful Chaotic Comedy Hour
"Not likely" THAT WAS A BRA SIZE JOKE sneaky clever bastard
It WAS rum. I knew it!
Man you're all over the map on pirates and whatlike. It's all good if it's not him, eh? You're a brat
A DRUNKEN BRAT and he loves the song. REALLY BAD EGGS
What IS the Spanish Main? I never got that.
Is he philosophizing orshmoozing
IT'S A PUT ON DON'T TRUST THE SIREN
And then he does this wacky moustache curl he's just the most insane and awesome thing SEE I TOLD YOU
Well that's an idea
WHY IS THE RUM GONE?
BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE? oh it jurts to laugh
Hahaha I love the deadpan
Oh hey Governor Curly
WHY DOES ANYONE LET HIM TALK
Drinks all around! :D
Jack you're the last person who should be mentioning the word clap, me thinks
Norrinton grew a sense of humor! I like it Inescapably! Love it
Oh yes I want to know, what happened to Bootstrap
TELL ME WHAT BARBOSA DID
oh god no that's just fuckin horrifying so he's just what "alive" at the bottom of the ocean somewhere?
for TEN YEARS OH HOLY SHIT BARBOSA YOU'RE THE WORST
He'll probably say something clever and I'll like him again but still
"The future Mrs. Commodore"
Oh come on why are YOU being a prick? To HER? No logic there and ohhh yes it is. You burned the poor man's rum!
HEHEHE I like those two
annnnd here's Jack again!
Will, this is still your fault.
"Except Liz, who is in fact a woman" IT. HURTS. TO. LAUGH.
"No I really think I do" LOOK IT'S RIGHT THERE IN BARBOISA'S FACE WHY DOES ANYONE EVER LET HIM TALK
Whose side is JAck on here? How does this play? Cause They are NOT unprepared or unawares now
THERE WE GO. Good on you, Norrinton
I'll give him this, the man's got 18 Charisma and maxed Bluff
Savvy? By all means, kill the welp! OH THE EYES THING IT'S A PLAN
OH YOU DEVIL SNEAK ?THEY CAN'T RAISE THE CURSE NOW
I'LL BUY YOOU THE HAT!!!! That's all it took to sell him. I love it so much what
I'm with you, Jack, how's this go
Are they going to stalk the bottoYES THEY ARE. How does that help though?
Anchor rope, right
WELL THAT'S A CREEPY SIGHT THEN ISN'T IT
AND NOW THEY'RE BONES
Oh what the blazes are these two doing
THIS IS GETTING CREEPY
Sorry Governor Curly, but she's, ah, not listening
Oh here we go it's on now
Of course she's not you daffy bastard
Wait was that the funny one OH COME ON I LIKED HIM
She's a teenager. Type. Thing. She ran off
Good going, morons.
OH SHIT IT'S REALLY ON
Heh, this is like "chaotic neutral: the credo"
HERE IT COMES
STUPID WAS THEIR CODEWORD
Just as well THJE MUSIC IS WITH US NOW :D
Yesssss Jack vs Barbosaa!
HERE THERE BE MONSTERS oh you're just the most awesomethig Barbosa
They're debating first meals as de-undead?
What would you even call that HOLY FHSINO GO TO HELL MONKEY
You two are such morons
STILL VERY STRESS I WOULD LIKE TO SAY
Well this is all going VERY POORLY
Oh you're good and fucked now aren't you THE HAIR
YESSSS THE DUEL AND EPIC MUSIC :D
come on, say something witty
He's got a point
OH WHAT THE FUCK NOO
YESSSSSSSSSSS THAT'S RIGHT
DUEL BETWEEN UNDEAD PIRATES. I AM COMPLETELY ON BOARD WITH THIS
And now there's a hand like Cousin Thing
THIS IS NOT GOING WELL
Will's doing much better DON'T GOAD THE UNDEAD, MORON
Who allowed the music to be this good
I WOULD BE ON BOARD WITH THAT PLAN
Or you could surrender!
They smell a lawful pretending to be a chaotic and it's all like "Oh no you did not"
HAHAHAHAHA hypocrisy hurts my ribs
The British Navy is sustaining just a crapload of casualties here NOT WITH THE EYE AGAIN even if it's fake it's still gross
BOMBS OH SHIT that could actually suck
That was not funny. Don't try funny, Liz, you're not good at ti
AHAHAHAHA nicely done, kids
OH HERE IT GOES
so it's not an illusion
THAT IS GENIUS
THAT DID IT
I'm going to miss him
OH COME ON where did he get an apple
Ohhhh you lot are in for it know. Parlez, anyone? EWWW no thanks
That's right, they would be completely out of practice at fighting like they';ve got something to lose PARLEZ AND THERE IT IS :D
The Governor is so out of place and I love it
I'm sure I've heard haza before but I don't get it
WOULD YOU TWO JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY
YOU'RE VERY BAD AT BEING IN LOVE
oh right she did that
Loving the new bling, Jack
Jack is full of wisdom
Youuuu don't have a ship. Sorry.
Oh WHAT THE HELL. AFTER ALL THAT
That is one hell of a badass hat I am sold on the hat
"Oh yeah I did to that one" hehehee
I see a parrot, are we about to escape? :D
The Dread Pirate William is here for your souls!
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME SON
Oh yes here we go
THROWN SWORD YESSS
Will, you look all leveled up now
HEhe they make a hell of a WELL FUCK
should have done a double
So he's... true neutral now? Between Lawful Nitwit and Chaotic Nutcase?
Hehehe Jack WHY DOES ANYONE LET YOU TALK
"Nice hat" INDEED
The day that splash?
AHA! Friendly flag!
Norrinton, just give in
THERE WE GO. Good on you, Norry
Sporting of you, old chap. Pip pip and that lot
Man that's the path she chose since she waqs like ten
WELL NOT IF YOU TAKE OFF HIS HAT HE ISN'T have you learned nothing
Enough of these two, elt's het to the PIRATES
I'm all English now
HEHEHE I love the repeating concepts and lines
BE HATTED, CAPTAIN
She's cute when she's not vengeful or in ship combat
I AM ON DECK WITH THIS
Boom,. Liove that. Love that line. "Bring me the horizon"
END WITH THE THEME BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT JEREMY WANTS DON'T YOU KNOW IT SIRS AND MADAMS AND EVEN THOSE ON THE FENCE
Pithy closing statement. Jaunty ride. Pip pip. Second thoughts to follow! :D