The movie title reminds me of one of my favorite laugh lines from Casablanca, delivered by the police captain, himself the funniest part of a great cast. I have absolutely no idea what to expect from this movie, though. Seriously. I have nothing. Genre? Reason I'm watching? I suspect it's a comedy that makes a lot of references to Casablanca, which could be really good since it's a favorite of mine. Anyway, it's time for me to round up The Usual Suspects. :D
And the music says Jeremy's wrong right off the bat. I mean it could still go either way but nope, that's the piano of sadness
This is a lovely theme. It keeps going not where I think it will
There are no women in this movnevermind me there's one
so this is taking place by water. That narrows it down to every big city everywhere. Hooray.
Definitely sets the mood
San Pedro, California
is that gasoline? YUP
annnd a dead man alright then annnd putting it out with pee. That takes balls.
couple of dead guys now
he looks disappointed
so this is Keaton.
Cause of what
cause of you. Hello gun
boat, gas, rope, OHEY
ehat's with the rope
there's a GUY in the ropHELLO FIRE
so this is all flashback?
he's clearly attended the who do I make this joke about class of talking to authorities
so has he
HAHAHAHA hhehe "sure you brought enough guys?"
so wait they actually ARE rounding up the usual suspects, aren't they? :D
what the hell does that mean, Keaton?
David Cooyan. Alrighty.
this looks personal.
annnd this one's got a limp
SUCH ENTHUSIASM HAHAHAHAHAHA
I understood him, come on
WHAT DAH FAHHHHH hehehehe
you should really just give them the keys
I'd believe it
HHAHAHA I love this cast already they're clearly having fun
so two wiseasses, one who's just tired and pissed
three wiseasses, my apologies
did they just threaten his life?
what did he do
heh. I laughed, I admit it
OHEY that was uncalled for
hehehe he was trying to make a point
so wait was he dead
that's not what I wanted to ask
Keaton kiiiinda scares me
federal crime. innnnnteresting
did any of them even do it?
so wait are they gonna put together a super team?
these two are gonna throw down sometime
seriously the man looks dangerous
loyalty amoung thieves, is it?
THE HELL okay then that looks very bad indeed
who's the other one? what happened to the other three? I WANT TO KNOW
lot of death
wait so Coyan's going to RIGHT it was California
oh this is intriguing
who's covering him. besides Satan?
so what do you need
WHAT DOES HE THINK TELL ME ANSWERS
ohhhhh that's really intriguing guys I am stoked RIGHT OKAY SO THIS IS INTERESTING
that guy did
oh wait so that's not one of the guys then
he seems upset
hello Roger. What's up
so Keaton was dead and then not and then probably killed by trenchcoat and then they think no?
hehe guy's annoying
he's like a child trying to be annoying :D
oh YOU are a DICK sir
oh so there IS something to tell! not a rat YET, my boy, but you will be
I wonder what her role in this is
that's the thing about sentencing. the system doesn't ever really take its boot off a criminal's neck
deliberately, I bet
you might want to, you know, answer her
yeahhhh he's in
there's something deep and dark and evil in that man. I'm very intrigued
yeah I suppose you did have to New York's whatnow
ohhh Keaton was his way in. That explains why he doesn't want to rat
WRONG way to say that
they're going after COPS?
I still don't get what the plan is dear shit how does that man live
I would never decorate a place like that.
so he's the planner, what are the roles of the other four in this party
wouldn't need French investors with that, Keaton
this music is great for increasing my tension because I am actually quite tense right now
that's a clever idea
Vans, hardware (guns?)
WHY ARE YOU SAYINGNO HOW WILL THAT HELP YOU
probably just gas
FIFTY DOWN. excellent
I'm rooting for criminals against other criminals
thaaaat weould be a suspicious thing
it's a weird party dynamic, redbeard is like the leader but Keaton's the danger
how can I phrase that
so this is still his recounting, right?
it must be, he's in all these scenes and getting talked about.
she knew he was there
is she legit or
Verbal is a really stupoid nickname
McManus is redbeard, right?
wait he wasn't just corrupt he was a MULTIPLE MURDERER?
yes tell me more about this
it feels really late in the story to be introducing a supernatural element. Juuust saying
OH NOW THIS IS INTERESTING
this means nothing to me but clearly IT'S GONNA
now we're back to this so waht the hell. I don't get this how do they intersect
is Dean Keaton the devil?
and now something new
NOT FROM ME
yes we got that part
this just gets more intense, doesn't it
HOW ARE THEY LINKED
In a fishing village what the hell
see? there's like a leader and a guy who tells the leader to go pound sand
sagfe advice, Redfoot
"I shiv'd him" so straightforward
I feel like Keaton is subtly goading them on
this music is VERY STRESS
oh well NO THIS IS NOT GOOD
THIS IS GOING WRONG
holy balls what a shot
good thing he's got immunity. wait he could be covering for someotne
there is a distinct ack of money
ohhh this is going to go sour
oh now we're going up the ladder
OHSHIT nope don't take that from him
oh you rectum sir
oh now it's coming together, the lawyer is working for the devil
HGERE WE GO
yep. He's covering. For the devil. Who IS Kaiser Sozay?
hwo did you all miss him he was right there
that is a LOT of money
so wait they all know
so he's like a supervillain
wait that was him who did the truck :D
he's got you
so they all pissed off the devil and are going to pay him back in blood
they're all on edge about this
WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY
so this is the boat thing?
seriously Keaton's just the danger. All of the danger.
what is it
oh god what is it
see this is why people are pissed about the privacy stuff. That's inane and terrifOH THAT IS A THREAT IN PHOTOGRAPH FORM
I like that line.
they do help, though
also the fortitude and the reflexes
well this is unfortunate
he really IS the devil oh shit
he doesn't look like anyone we know
so the whole tone of the movie just changed now
"I believe in god and I'm afraid of Kaiser Sozay" shhhhhhit he's being blackmailed by the devil
"walk out on a drumstick" yyyikes
IF I TOLD YOU THE LOCK NESS MONSTER WAS AFTER ME hehehe
up his ass, of course
the super lawyer that's how he got it
man you don\t even want to catch the devil
I saw what happened when they put just a bit of god dust in a box. You do not want the devil in a cage
so Finster ran off
looks pretty dead.
there's that honor among thieves
so Finster, memo to your next life: DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY
yeah but you can only "run" you can'\t "disappear"
what is that accent he's got
god that would be awkward to have to walk like that. of course I should talk.
the power dynamics have shifted. interesting
calling it now, film ends with Keaton pulling the trigger on Verbal
the music is way too epic for an elevator wait.
hehehe elevator music
I don't think I've ever actually heard elevator music
Good day sir. May we escort you to floor 20
he's got a point
ohhhh I'm very worried suddenly
does that make him the devil's advocate? :D
I'm very clever you see
oh wait what
SEE THIS IS WHY I WAS WORRIED. YOU DO NOT OUTPLAY THE DEVIL
oh you're a capital grade weasel
haha "kill away"
I thiiiink they ust got told
they just got told
it's a mark of how puzzling this movie is that I now suspect HER of being Kaiser Sozay
theyre just gonna vanish a death-filled elevator. like it's not even a thing
I don't suspect KEaton. I get that that's the main thrust but I just don't.
so was this a death sentence job then?
that's what a "man of will" would say
IS IT MCMANUS?
DID HE SINK HIS FRIEND JUST TO FUCK WITH THEM?
I just want my answers why woun't you give them to me :(
here we go it is on
pretty pig boat
so supposedly the other three die here and only Verbal gets out
if it IS the lawyer, then this is a revenge mission and they were all supposed to die, and KEATON SAVES VERBAL THAT FITS THAT'S HOW AND OH SHIT IT IS HER AND HE'LL WALK RIGHT TO HER ON KEATON'S ORDERS
oh that's fantastic
that's it too
that's why they';re setting up KEaton she rushed them out of the lineup because she was close to Keaton and he wasa the lunchpin
or I'm wrong and it's Finster and he faked his own death or it's Kobayashi or the film's not nearly as smart as I';m thinking and it actually is Keaton
or manybe it's nobody and the devil doesn't exist and this is all STRESS
I KNOW THERE WILL BE DEATH
or will there be maybe they get the money and get out!
WHY AM I SPECULATING OH GOD I HAVE BEEN CAUGHT LIKE A SPIDER
no Jeremy, BY a spider. LIKE a flu
this does not look like a good plan
bomb, sniper, what's Keaton going to do?
oh god guys STRESS
I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMOPRE
"old mcdonald shot some guys"
WELL THEN HERE WE GO IT'S ON NOW YOU GUYS
holy shit they're actually doing it
and McManus is an unlikely name for a ninja
there is no Sozay, Verbal made it up as a cover for the whole party
no, it's not that kind of movie. This won't be a happy ending for everyone
that's one :(
what was with the light?
so there's the gas
Verbal you're as useless as tits on a bull, you know that?
so she WAS there
here comes the rat
it all comes down now doesn't it
WHAT IS THE STORY
this is all STRESS and it's all coming from NOT KNOWING ANYTHING
well that man looks terrified
the boat is actually pretty damn unnerving I have to say
oh god we're in Kaiservision aren't we
McManus, dog, where is all of this going oh god I need to know now
THE DEVIL IS ON THE BOAT.
seriously boatsd are just like the creepiest thing inside
that would be just the worst thing
so there's nothing and nobody on the boat. Is it a trap? Is it disposal?
would you care for Pepsi? not quite as good, but close
look man's got a gun get him to use it at least
The devil has found you, guy
so were they cover? was it revenge? Was it both? So lost
get away, Verbal. The ropes
WHAT THE FUCK
"strangest thing" death
did he get knifed?
Verbal you should have cut and run when you had the chance
that sound of bells was just the most eerie thing right then
don't abuse the man with the limp
he's covering for Keaton?
"how do you shoot the devil in the oh god the hand
"what if you miss"
don't even know why
this is just intense
show me the face
no beard, it's not McManus
show me the FACE goddammit
This is back where we started and I still feel like I have no answers
Cooyan, this is your problem, resolve it for me
so that's the plan
or was the plan
It was her wasn' t it
or was it KEaton WHERE IS THIS GOING
annnd now Verbals' breaking
OH HERE IT IS IT WAS KE=ATON WAIT WHAT\
so was she a loose end then
but then you could identify him COOYAN HOW IS THIS MAKING ANY SENSE
and he's done it before. Of course
so he's what, a pet? that's low
yeaahhhh he's gonna die the film ends with the gunshot
he'll go out with dignity, such as he has left. honor among thieves. all comes down to that, doesn't it
Enjoy your immunity while it lasts, Verbal.
So wait did he do the actual kill?
so he got away with the money, then. gold watch
HE DID GET THE MONEY HE'S GOING TO MEET THEM I WAS RIGHT
it was all about not being the usual suspects anymoe, wasn't it
yeah I "organize" like that
and iut's gonna hit him
this is gonna be awesome
come on, figure it out
lies and misdirections! :D
hehehe it's all fake
AHAHAHA RIGHT THERE ON THE CUP
you just got TOLD Cooyan
they wiped their records and got the money
wait wait wait WHAT
NO WHAT THE HELL
NO WHAT THE FUCKING HELL
NO NO BLOODY SHITTING NO YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME
HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN HOW IS HE KAISER SOZAY
AND THERE'S KOBAYASHI TO SEAL THE DEAL
he even spelled it out for him right like that
and he's gone
Why don't I listen to musical cues? I DO LISTEN TO MUSICAL CUES. NOTHING IN THE MUSIC SAID "FIVE GUYS GOT OUT ALIVE WITH THE CASH AND MADE THE COPS LOOK LIKE CHUMPS." JUST FUCKING NO
I just got deked
Right so I'm going to go do... not this. Right now. I'll come back to this. But just no. Can I use the codeine as an excuse for this because I am sure as hell going to. Just no.