Well, now that I've been blown to pieces (and corrected on the title of the last film) it's time for me to get on with it. I need the ending of this series and I need it right now, but I'm not going to deny interested parties one last good chance to laugh at my wrongness before we go in.
I'm so not ready for this.
• They're going to save Han
• We're finally going to meet Jabba the Hut. I'm picturing a physically intimidating, towering sort of alien with mandibles or claws or just... something buglike. I just hear that "jab" sound in the name and all I can think of is some kind of sharpness. I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's not going to be just another human. Is Jabba even a he? That would be an interesting development, to have the dreaded master pirate be a lady or a lady alien.
• Han's going to take down Jabba in either a gunfight straight out of Westerns or a ship-to-ship fight between the Millennium Falcon and Jabba's own scary pirating ship.
• Jabba's base will be the first arc of the movie. I think it will be a space station, though obviously much smaller than the Death Star or DEATH TRIANGLE.
• New planets. I said last time that I wanted an ocean planet and I stand by that. We get two planets per movie, it seems, so... if we had a cold planet last time, how about a volcano planet? That would make for a hell of a showdown if Jabba the Hut's lair is over volcanoes and lava and they have to dogfight over that.
• I'm not putting anything beyond the reach of the (original) special effects team at this point. They own everything.
• I don't know, I get a sort of ancient civilizations vibe from "Hut." Not just because it's a cheap house, but because it reminds me of Hittites and Egyptian deities and everything in between. A sort of pseudo-Middle Eastern vibe where Jabba's like this fierce corsair would make sense.
• Serious Dangerous Man will be Jabba's right hand man and will be the sort of "bridge" villain between Jabba and Vader.
• They're going to attack the heart of the Empire to capture or kill the emperor himself and they'll have to get through the DEATH TRIANGLE to do it.
• HAN IS NOT DEAD that is all
• I don't want to make this prediction but I feel like it's just too accurate to not say in advance that I guessed it. I really don't want to, but here it is anyway: Vader said that only hate can take him down. Luke's going to turn to the Dark Force because it's easier and it's the only way he can destroy Vader. In their final confrontation he'll set it up so that they both die and everyone else live. Luke's going to sacrifice himself to destroy Vader and protect his friends from him becoming Vader Jr.
• I'm not ready for any of this
• Those cool Rebellion ships from the end of Empire Strikes Back are going to come into play for the final battle against the DEATH TRIANGLE.
• Yoda's going to join the fight in the end. I feel like he might go the same way as Obi-Wan, though.
• Lando joins the party and is awesome. Power of the cape.
• Luke's going to confront Vader over the awful secret of doom and Vader's just going to mock him relentlessly.
• This is going to be Force versus Dark Force like I've never seen before.
• I'm just not ready for any of this.
• I need this movie in my life right now.
• I am SO GODDAMN EXCITED YOU GUYS
Okay that's enough predictions I don't even have a pizza for this but I don't care I'm making do with Roomie's godly burger and fries and we're now off to the races I WILL BE SAD WHEN THERE IS NO MORE STAR WARS.