Escape From New York: First impressions

Waking up to construction noises isn't really the best thing, but to be fair it was like 11:30 when they were going. When I sleep, I reeeeeally sleep, it seems. Anyway, I've got a morning Gatorade and some One-Handed Bacon & Eggs and there's a movie preset on the TV, so I'm going to skip finishing the Blues Brothers second thoughts for the moment and plow right in.

Also apparently Lacy can post on this blog. I didn't know that. What secrets is she sneaking to you all, eh? S'rude, that one is.


Note on the table says Escape From New York. So I'm guessing this is about people trying to invade Toronto or something. Except not that at all. No idea what we're getting into but I figure it should have some action. That would be good. Like bacon. Bacon is always good. Mmm one-handed cbacon.

Electronic music. Termiantor good or LAdyhawek bad?

Pretty subdued intro

There's a character name Brain. Whast am I getting into. Also the music sonds like its ripping off the terminator riff a bit

1988 thank you for supplying the year well thats csome crime then

Why would you do that though put it were people don't live and work why don't you

Oh wer'e skipping hgead now then? Alrighty

So we're being dropped into a city of laweless hell. Why to escape makes sense now. I'm on board with this so far

It's DARK

We have a raft

Sorry guys, not todaWELL THEN

they weren't kidding about the maximun security

Looks like New York: Terminator edition

 Is Libriety Island inside or outside the wall because that could be relevant

especially with copters

New prisoner, looks like. Protagonist? Probably. Either that or like a sidekick and cataslyst for the main character to get out.

Hello Cyclops. How goes the pirate life DID SHE JUST SAY you can commit suicide by rcreamation instead?

Secret jet crashing into the city HOLY SHIT ISN'T THAT THE PRESIDENTS PLANE?

annnnd terrorists capured his plane and are going to drop him into tje Island of Doom ad Darkness

Well I thjink I'm officially sold on this concewpt

It's not so bad. Wuiet sort of neighboorhood

Uh oh. Where's Waldo?

That guy looks like a corpse what DOES he want?

 Called it, Cyclops is on the job :D

Hello S.D.

So if he';s a war hro what was he doing knocking over a bank?

One day, that's a shitty timefraGET A NEW PRESIDENT. I like him already. Man's like hot sauce with an eyepatch.

I'm gonna call him Snake because he said so.

Loving the equipment table, bit sparse though. Jake's crazy girlfriend was better armed than that

WORST INJECXTION METHOD EVER. LET'S NOT DO THAT

Well you sir are a fucking rectum when he gets back he's going to kill you. I'm just going to be agreeing with everything the dangerous pirate cyclops says

TOLD by way of question no less

 the little lights are fires, I get it

The graphics are pretty awesome, I have to say

Yikes

Blacked out elevator, that's not terrifying at all

OSHIT it's on I saw the guy

Maybe not but holy crap it's dark and bleak and the flames don't even help I've got shivers from this it's so atmospheric

I can't help how the colors remind me of that movie and I'm worried someone';s gonna jump him

Found a plane. And a signal.

Invading a theater filled with candles hey there's music

That guy's having a good time anyway. Doesn't seem so bad, eh?

 Smiley's gonna come after him isnt he

Oh hey, he's famous
\
"No I really be thinkin' I do" since he's a pirate and you know, Barbosa. References! :D

What the hell are they doing with that guy

Nice boots indeed. And appatrently he's immune to sneak attacks.

Oh fuck they took the thingy well then

What a perfectly bleak image. It's like a dystopia.

Just gonna sit on mah new porch, enjoy the eautiful scenery, all good

 That man's got a cape, hs' important. Let's go kill him and take his stuff, Snake :D

Ah crap it's an ambush

or is it

 Does he have Hide in Plain Sight? Nobody's noticing him since Smiley and Nice Boots

there we go

 Id' call her the HAHAA "I'm an asshole"

I'd call her the love interest but I don't think Cyclopses are capable of love

Everyone thinks Snake is dead. Does that make him an undead pirate is he part of the Black Pearl

  That was a pretty pathetiWHAT TRHE FUCKING HELL HWY ARE THEY BURSTING THROUH THE FLOOR

They're like gibberlings come on Snake don't waste bullets on ibjects well fuck what did he just lose

I think they creep me out becaue they don't make noise HEY SMILEY

Casual Molotov. We just do that round here

YEs cabbie, I get it, the man's name is Snake.

Let's go meet the I JUST SAID IT AND THEN HE SAID IT

I feel like a genius.

How is this film so consistently haunted

Isn't that the Ghostbuster library ? Does the duke have a ghost librarian handy?

Wait the guy's name is Cabby well that makes it easy WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU SNAKE?

Now that's more love interest

 Let's get some Brain all going up in here

Odd sort of party. WHY IS HE DEAD

Hello Brain/HArold

 Guess it's not a party. The Duke's got a winning hand to these people

Don't call HArold Harold, you guys, Harold doesnt like it when you call him Harold

Maybe it is a party. Looks like a party

Hahah Cabby knows which way his bread is buttered

NOW THAT IS A PIMPMOBILE

Those are like chanmdelier headlights it doesn't get anyu more pimp than that

So which one is the Duke?

BOOM carjacked.

BOOM stealth carjacked.

Well apparently on Broadway they cut peoples heads off and throw shit at you

oh cool it's got blades to get people to fuck off

THE HELL, MOB THWACK we're through the pile

The music's better when it's not trying to be music in this movie

 SHOOP and that was easy. Hello Mr. President, how's it going

Why's he moving stiff like that

DidFUCKD Erll this is very very bad then

You sold him out you piece of shit

So that's the duke, who's the little weasely oone

He's heard of you and he thinks you're dead, I'll wager

that's an arrow where the fuck did an arrow come from

HE'S HEARD OF YOU

and is going to make you dead. AND I HEARD YOU WERE DEAD. BOO YEAH. WHO'S THE GENIUS? IT'S ME

HAHAHA those guys look hilarious

Ooh it's morning in the BLEAKEST GRAYEST PLACE EVER WHAT THE HELL

Shoudn't it be clearer if there's not so many cars running through it?

In the court of the Duke THAT SEEMS LIKE A BAD ACTIVITY SIR\

YOU ARE THE DUKE OF NEW YORK YOU'RE A #1

Okay you and your creepy laugh can fuck right off

What's in the box?

Uh, no, let's not steal the important tape

 You guys are about to get trashed by the wild tribes of the Big Apple

The briefcase?

You two messed up big

annnd now you're after his glider

There's the offer. Who's surprised? They had to know that would be the deal

The clock's getting scary low, guys, I';m not on board with this

Hey there's a snake on Snake

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ooh are they going to make him fight someone? Is it Apollo Creed? Because that would be very bad for Snake.

Nah just a giant. Giant vs. Cyclops, the old grudge match returns

Bah he's not even all that big. I have seen a giant, sir, and you are no giant

Jabba wouldn't be out of place in all this, eh?

But will you have room for his head with those chandeliers there?

B OOM facekick

Why do they even have him in a wig

That's funny, this knife isn't supposed to be in your belly either. Odd how things don't work out the way you want them to

People are just giving him equipment now? Can we get a ring of invisibility too?

THUNK and no more giant

SNAKE SNAKE SNAKE

Duke's not happy about this, oh no

OHEY THAT HAPPENED TOO

But the tape is still in Corpsey Giggles's pocket I thought and nobody knows aout it

Oh shit the glider

YOU FUCKIN MORONS

Don't fool with Nicoletty, eh

 Brain you're just an eternal weasel aren't you

I missed him getting hit with an arrow

AHAHAHA Up popos a guy with a crossbow

annnd the Duke is here

CABBY! Forgot about you

what

JUMPIN CARS LIKE A BLUES BROTHER

well isn't this bridge just a wreck

MASTER CHANDELIER IS ON THE JOB NOW

oh right there are mines

No, I think you got that one VERY WRONG brain that's a couch in the back seat there

that's not the back seat oh come on no not Cabby man

Brain, not so smart perhaps

You'd better run guys, Duke has a car

And just like that it's a party of two and one of them is a useless lump

Three down in no time at all. THIS IS STRESS. THIS IS LOTS AND LOTS OF STRESS.

WELL SHIT

What the hell

Who shut off the thing HAHAHAHA THE PRESIDENT just went insane

Wow okay apparently I wans't breathing right there I didn't think they'd honor the deal

President's kind of a dick, eh?

He's too tired, but maybe later.

Just gonna walk off this leg wound, it's not a thing

AHAHAHAA HE SWITCHED THE FUCKING TAPES :D

and with some groovyu music too AND HE JUST RUINS IT AND DONE love it. Love it so much

That was a really short movie, folks. Pretty awesome, too. I still don't get why everyone thought he was dead, though. Anyway, I had a lot of fun, and now I think I'm going to get some rest before second thoughts. :D