Thursday, July 31, 2014

The Matrix: First impressions

Here we go, and I am really excited, I know a lot about this movie, because this was the one, folks. This was the movie I was not allowed to see as a kid and always wanted to. There was a convenience store where you could rent movies, and it had posters up for some movies. For years and years, the poster that was always up right near the door was The Matrix. It looked serious and dark and awesome and of course Nan would always say "we're not renting that, it's too violent."

Well fine, Nan, I won't rent it. I will, however, accidentally push the Play button. :D


So before I do that, let's run down what I know about The Matrix, which is actually quite a lot.

• There's a team called The Matrix. They wear long black coats, black everything really, and really sharp shades.

• The Matrix works for the government, they deal with conspiracies and things that people would rather forget about.

• Their enemies are an alien force disguised as humans that wants to control the planet.

• They fight with big guns and martial arts

• It's a special effects movie with lots of explosions and violence

• :D

• The aliens have this poisonous silver blood that can get on you and infect you like a virus

• It's a very bleak and rainy world, going by the poster.

• Stoked

So without further delay I shall now proceed to defy my grandmother. I'm okay with this. Heeeeere we go!

Green and black and SINISTER BRASS already sold

That squeaky metallic noise is so eerie

What am I even looking at here it's like aha computer hacking

That was an interesting conversTUNNELS OF GREEEN

Hello The Cops. What'cha up to?

Room 303. What could be in there a person hello lady?

Shades and suits. FBI

YOUR MEN ARE ALREADY DEAD well no they arenWELL THEN

Did she just freeze time there or someWHAT THE ONE THE WALL WHAT IS SHS AI"M JUST annnd they're dead

She's trying to find an exit. And her name is Trinity. Hello Trinity. GOODBYE TRINITY

Do you have enough cops there guys


Must suck to run on those zigzag roofAND WE ARE FLYING what the hell even is this movie HE FLIES TOO yea I'm with you cop guy it wasn't very likely

She's all in black, she's part of The Matrix AND SHE CAN JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKING FLY

I have to ask, is two guns practical? I don't feel like it is

She raced a truck to a phone. I don't understand any of this but I'm on board

Hey there Boss Shades.

SHE GOT OUT. HOW

"The name is Neo" that's right! I remember that name is part of the movie. And they have a mole in The Matrix, seems like

This must be Neo.

His computer is telling him to wake up. Is that a guy> I think it's a guy. That's a guy

The Matrix has him? Are they the badguys?

And we're now Alice in Wonderland knock knoWHAT HOW DOES IT KNOW

That is one messy apartment

Wow old timey discs. What's on it?

Nah, he looks green. Everything looks green.

That lady with the nose chains is nuts

WHITE RABBIT. FOLLOW DAT SHIT

And now a club that is also green

Hey there Trinity. How's the knowing people's names business?

He looks familiar.

She knows EVERYTHING! Ah, I see, she's a sleep therapist

Looking for HIM? Who is HE?

I'm looking for a few answers myself, miss. Aaaaaaand we're recruiting him into The Matrix.

or maybe they're the badguys?

This fellow strikes me as a corporate sort of rectum

This is green too. Man keep going by "Neo," Thomas Anderson is the most potato chip name

FREE RINGING CELL PHONES

Morfius. Friend of his?

This is stressful OH HEY THERE FELLAS. DAPPER DAY TODAY IS IT NOT

HOW DOES HE KNOW WHAT TO TELL HIM

STRESS COMES EARLY TODAY GUIYS

So much sold right now. On board with all the madness

Come on, Neo, listen to the man on the phone.

Wheee that's all kinds of no fun to look at AND LET US HAVE ANOTHER GANDER why did you drop your phone

Way to get captured by the fuzz, dipshit

I gather this was an undesired turn of events for all involved

Well except the suit guys but you know what I mean

Hey there Boss Shades. Got any time for our shit today?

There's a crurious way about the way Boss Shades holds his head. And talks.

oh that's fun the most dangerous man alive :D

Finger so given.

Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters?

That one was a threat. You bet it was. wat wHAT THE HELL WHASAT HOOOOO FUCK NO NO PE NOE NO NO NO THAT IS NOYT RIGHT WHAT TID HAVPPEN TO HIS FACE STRESSSSSS ALLL OF THE WHAT THE HELL

NO YOU JUST PUT THAT BACK IN THE ALTOID BOX RIGHT NOW WHY IS IT MAKING THAT NOSIE OFFHHFH FUCK ITS LIKE RAPEFACE FOR BELLYBUTTONS I AM NOT ON BAOIRD WITH THIS

PAused

Ohhhhkay so that was a visual I didn't really need. Okay then. Calm. Okay. What the hell. I feel like that wasn't a dream, cause if it was then Neo needs some new hobbies and some time out of the green lights. But seriously WHAT THE HELL. DID NOBODY THINK OF MAYBE WARNING ME? Fucking hell. If it bursts out, holy balls. I'm tremling and scratching and jittery again just thinking about it.

and I still have no answers. Fuck I need an ice cream right now.

Okay, I'm as calm as I'm going to be. Resuming.

There's the rain sounds. JESUS let's not with the phone ring okay? It's loud.

MORFIUS. How's it going invisible voice man? You would probably be dead. Well that's nice

He's the one, and Morfius is a lifetime stalker. Fantastic.

This is all very bleak. It makes The Usual Suspects look cheerful.

Oh hi you're new. And unfriendly.


She wants to see your pecs. Why copper top? His hair's black

Well holy balls what the fuck is that thing

wait bugged or bugged like with a real bug oh FUCK THAT IS HIS STOMACH NOPE NO NO NO DONT DO THIS TO ME GHHGHFROTNO NO NO OHHHHHHHHHHH furkc oh hell shit no ew and what the hell it's just a little spring thing my brain is so lost right now

That'sa a trippy checkerboard staircase you got there

Everyone knows stuff and THERE'S a badass ooking guy. Loving the shades. This guy leads The Matrix?

So the guys in suits are the aliens. Or collaborators. Because that thing was definitely an alien probe of some kind hey we have an Alice reference.

Totally sold on Morfius so far.

 Annnnd I'm lost. It's everywhere and nowhere?

"You are a slave" dont make this into a labored metaphor, please.

So very very curious. Is he actually somehow a slave or is this some sort of "peon of capitalism" story

"Take the red pill, and you'll see how deep the rabbit hole goes." Stoked.

Yeah that's not ominous thunder

Hello hacker equipment

They're about to... what?

Buckle your seatbelt indeed. What are we up to?

Can't wait to know SOMETHING. This is an incredibly perplexing movie

What? Mirror, yes.

Oh that's a creepy thing. How is that happening

SILVER LIQUID.

That is a fascinating question, Morfius.

Wait no it's Morpheus like the Greek sleep god, isn't it WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HIM

THE NOISES ARE UNWELCOME what the fuck what the fuckigng fuck is this oh go d no it;s like that ship all over again and HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO HUIM WITH THE TUBES AND THE BALD AND THE GOOP AND THE

Those are people. Are those all peolple this is like World of Gozer WHAT is with the tubes and the GIANT FLYUING ROBOT SPIDER CHOKING HIM

OH FUCK GROSS THE he's getting flushed I; fafiwehr oh fuck the tube holes are just the most dusigusing thing I'm so lost right now what's on his chest

Hi guys, what are all of you doing here

What

No what

THE REAL WORLD?

NOPE. NOPE. WHAT

Annnnd we have a bald albino Neo. Who is not dead and AN ACUPUNCTURE TEST SUBJECT apparently

He's never used them? THANK GOD THE ANSWERS ARE COMING. Ohhhhh fuck not liking the node things all over hsi body

Ugh that reminds me waaaay too much of getting medical shit done. And there's a big plug thing in his head still

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE, NEO. It sucks. You're a monster. Morpheus doesn't have shades. I don't know how to spell the name of the ship. And it's creepy like That Movie well if I paused I could have known it looks like

So the Matrix is like a... computer simulation they can enter?

HHello everyone with names. And Mouse. You remind me of the other Mouse I know. Hopefully you're in a better movie than he was

WHA TYannnd they just did that hello there white void

Loving the old time TV set.

WELL HOLY BALLS THAT IS NOT A HAPPY WORLD

The desert of the real. Well that's an eerie name

You did WHAT to the sky?

Are those alien spider things or robots I can't even tell

Those are horrifying. Just going to put it out there

NOT THE BABY

This is an absolutely terrifying premise. How could anyone know it's not reality? Annnnnd he's going byebye

yeah all your life you've been eating only liquid dead people. That's gotta be no fun

Rewrite virtual reality? Awesome

Wait how do you have anb oracle and reincarnation in robot hell universe?

OH NEO IS THE GUY ISN' THE

I don't get how he's the guy but he's the guy

oooooh training I am so curious

I DO NOT LIKE THE FLICKERING LIGHTS. THEY REMIND ME OF THING

man's name is Tank. Love it

HAha, that's a cool way to explain it. Where they'd hold the party indeed

Um, maybe those were important? I think? Wait he's going to just learn jujitsuuuuuuokay that looked weird

HELL YES. I'm on board with this too

Drunken boxing? Come on that's not a thing

I'm sure I know him from somewhere. He knows kung fu, bu th way

I love martial arts. Never got past yellow belt karate but it was the best thing

WHEE LET US GO FOR A SPIN

This is just awesome. Not gonna lie

Do or do not, guy, there's no try here

WHOA the speed he moved like liquid

That guy's Superman. Your turn to be Superman, NeWAIT I KNOW WHO HE IS HE'S BILL OR TED YESSSSS HAHA

NOT SUCCESS how very Loony Tunes of you

Die in the mind, die for real. Stakes are raised now

Oh hey baldy. Sup

I think I just found a mole. I think it's Baldy

TOLD.

Hey there Boss Shades. What's up. SENTIENT PROGRAMS

They can be anyone at any time that is some haunting shitfolks

So his advantage is that he can out-imagine the machine?

YOU WON'T HAVE TO. AWESOME what are we trouble with

wow it's like an even shittier Millennium Falcon

HUNTER KILLERS

Now that we have Agents this is like virtual reality Terminator

STRESS RIGHT NOW OH I DO NOT LIKE THOSE THINGS HOW THEY MODVE OR SOUND

Bejeezus ejected.

Oh so they literally just read the code to see what's happening? That must sucuuuuuuuck

That's a valid point, Baldy. What DO you say to that

What's he doing eating steak

OH HEY it's Boss Shades. You're the mole and hahahaha the harp of the unburdened mind

Oh it's on now. I'm completely on board with this.

That is NOT appetizing

Mouse, you're a crazy fella

HAHAHAHA I love the chicken theory

\are we off to see the wizard well the oracle that's close ish

It's for you

What's with the phones anyway I haven't gotten that answer ANNNNND THE GANG'S ALL HERE

Hotel delivery. All I'm thinking is "WE DELIVER HOTELS"

No you didn't. You used to THINK you ate there. Baldy's right this kind of sucks for you

He's kind of bland, is'nt he

 I like that.


Can you imagine if your destiny was just to coach the guy?. You are by definition not the guy.

WHEE TELEKInESIS

SPOON

Wisdom from a little bald headed philosophy kid. There is no spoon, yo

That's her? She's Nan :D

Oh god she's Nan I'm so happy about this

Hehehe don't worry about the vase indeed. :D

I like her, she makes me smile.

HAHAHAHA "would it have broken if I didn't tell you?"

I love her so much

WITHOUT HIM oh fuck hes gonna die

oh she just put some nassssssty stakes on this one

Take a cookie, fella. Cookies are the best. Know what I'm gonna do? Bake cookies. I like cookies and I can open a friggin stove let's do this shit

hahaha woman in red

wait why is the music so active and BALDY IS GRINNING WE'RE IN FUCKED MODE NOW ARE WE NOT

Ohhh panic is coming

WHEN THE CHANGE SOMETHING well that sounds really bad

FUCK BRICKS

Mouse trapped

Ah fuck. Stress is coming now isn't it

BOSS SHADES IS HERE. RUN  HE WILL TAKE YOUR MOUTHS

hiding in the walls this cannot be good this cannot be any good at all oh crpa I am beginnign to STRESS ABOTU THTIS

YOU IDIOT YOU'RE IN DANGER THERE TOO WHY WOULD YOU COUGH

DRP DROP DROP DROP DROP

NOPE I DO NOT LIKE THAT ABILITY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

We just lost Morpheus. and still we're STRESS

SMITH. AGENT SMITH. Hello Agent Smith. They do all look the same but he's still Boss Shades.

Okay Smith can hit Morpheus this is suboptimal

NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS PART

Oh crap he's awake and they're asleep this is bad

FUCK THIS IS BAD


THE HELL IS THAT THING

creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

you are the worst you sick little man

wait does that KILL them?

That's stupid. Being the chosen one is a virtual thing, not a real world thing, right? He's just supposed to be awesome at controlling the rules of the Matrix?

How do they get out of this

YESSSSS KILL THE FUCKER BOOM DARK FORCE GUN BITCH

hey Badly, got a question for you: Are you a god? No? Then DIIIIIIIIE

Crops. Big shudder at that

Smith is hugely creepy and I enjoy it. He's so very precise about it all. Mechanical, we might say

So there's three of them. And at best two humans?

DON'\T DO IT. RESCUE MISSION

They're all so marvelously potato chip

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaat was bad acting right there. You were better as a Bill or Ted, fella.


Yeah Trinity you're not an oracle soooo

Oh here comes the TOLD

BOOM TOLD.

Playing with your food, Smith?

Diseases. He means diseases

A VIRUS. Boom. "You are a plague and we are the cure" shiver. I love the bland convictioin

THAT IS A LOT OF GUNS HOLY SMOKES PEOPLE

He's only got one facial expression

I dunno Boss Shades, your other Shades friends don't seem to like that

Boss Shades has NO TIME FOR YOUR SMELL apparently

Look at him he's going utterly stark fucking crazy

Oh he's all the way off the reservation

SERIOUS FOOTSTEPS

Metal detector

HOLY SHIT :D

and it is ON NOW BITCHES OH FUCK YEUS

Second encounter's got a muych higher CR, doesn't it

Wall running again

Love how it all slows down to show the chanos in detail

BOOM WITH YOUR OWN GUN SIR

Just gonna walk up you and kick you in the head. All good.

Reminds me of the Blues Brothers, this bit

What's that now

Bomb?

What did he whisper? Didn't catch that

Bomb seemed just a little pointless

Aha. OH FUCK THE FACE WARP NOOOOO

AGENT ENCOUNTERED. RUN LIKE FUCK

how is he dongt hat

YOU CAN SEE THE RIPPLES OF THE BULLETS GOING THROUGH HE AIR. THAT IS INCREDIBLE

DODGE THIS. wait it turned back is the Agent still alife

OH RIGHT they can get instant brain

Agent's still alive THAT IS A HELICOPTER WITH A MINIGUN. WE ARE NOW TERMINATOR 2 AND IT IS JUDGEMENT DAY ON YOUR HEADS BE IT AGENTS FUCK YES

THIS ROOM IS NOW THE PROPERTY OF ALL OF THE BULLETS THANK YOU HAVE A VERY NICE DAY

OKAY FUCK NO STOP WITH THE FACE WARPING

crap crap crap STRESS COME ON YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SAVED

oh well BALLS Smith you are the worst

THIS IS INTENSE AND CRAZY CAN YOIU GET RFEAR OF HEIGHTS FROM A MOVIE BECAUSE whoooooooosh saved

double saved ohhhhkay now Trinity

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SIR

WINDOWSPLOSION

Of course he's the one. He's the main character that's how it works

HAHAHAH IT'S LIKE THE VASE PROBLEM SHE TOLD HIM WHAT WOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN

You assholes have lost. Sorry about that

Wait what with the sentinels

Which one of them is in charge, anyway?

AHA THAT'S WHAT THE PHONES DO

NO TIME FOR TALK NOW IS TIME FOR ANSWER THE PHONE

Seriously there's a homeless guy which means Smith is on his way

Homelessguys are the harbingers of Smith

BOOM SEE I TOLD YOU SO

MISTER ANDERSEN.

no that's wrong

I mean I'm sure he'll win but this will suuuuuuuuck

BULLET RIPPLES

Was wondering why he didn';t shoot

They can't just refill guns?

Oh wll crap you broke Boss Shades's shades you're a real shit disturber Neo

BLOOD not good guys you'll want to do something about that

"bring it on" in sign language, apparently

WHAP fingertips

WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE TEN THOUSAND PUNCHES

Oh come on Smith don't be a dick

No that's the sound of a train. Smith you need better ears

train has NO TIME FOR YOUR SMITH

Neo: 1

Smith: still 1 he's immortal wellllll fuck

Star Wars ladder shot

Oh fuck Smith can basically teleport anywhere with this many people around AND THE OTHERS CAN TOO EVERYTHING IS GOING TO HELL AND I AM STRERSS

NO YOUR OTHER LEFT LEARN DIRECTIONS WITH YOUR KUNG FU DUMMY

OLD LADY SMITH danger everyfuckingplace

Not these things again i don't like them oh shit they found the ship

THE ARMS UNDERNEATH OHFGOD

YEs okay he';ll make it but howwwwww Boss Shades is on him again

oghfno theyreinside the jship theyrea actuially in there with people get them outttttt

whast

WHAT

WHY

that's not it. STAND

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhit

Paused

 I guess it's the only way they can shake those squid things. but what did that accomplish, huh? The whole story was just to off a mole, scare the Agents with the potential of humanity by taking them out a couple of times, and then...

You know what? No. I'm not angry. This is not a happy movie. It's a thrilling one, but it's black and green and gray and I've always known that. Time for the saviorless denouement then.

Resumed

Odd bit of... respect there from Smith?

seriously deal with those fucking lasers

is SHE the one? Is she going to go in and become superwoman now that she's inspired by what you love him? How do you love him, he's barely a person

Oh no. NO NO FUCKING NO HOW

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE ITS A FAIRTY TAILE NOW?

okay that right there is pretty friggin cool I hate to say

No time for your bullets, Smith

HE'S SEEING IN CODE

the whole fight on Neo's side is just like "nah"

what

I'm with you guys whya the hell

wait is he REVERSING IT

OH GOD THE HEAD

annnnnnnnnnd the world bends as Smith explodes

"Yeah we're good. See ya"

GODFUC NOT HTESE THINGS GET THEM OUT OF MY

Guys can we not with the that

System failure. He broke the rules.

"I'm going to show them a world without you"

BADASS ROCKING BEAT. SHADES.

annnnnnnnnnnnd he can actually fly now

iOkay well that was really quiiite a thing wasn't it? I hope the next one's a bit more low-key to give me some brain cool-off time. Hell of a movie. :D

45 comments:

  1. HAHAHA yes, that is indeed Ted "Theodore" Logan, aka Keanu Reeves, about a dozen years post Bill & Ted. And yes, sad to say, he is an epically terrible actor. But he looks good in shades, so there is that.

    Glad you enjoyed it. And yes, the creature/monster/ships will absolutely remind you of THAT movie, because the same artist H. R. Giger designed both, and he's a god in the world of horror design.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Though the sentinels are reminiscent of Giger's alien, he wasn't actually involved with the production of The Matrix.

      Delete
    2. really? because I could have sworn I watched a "making of" documentary where the Wachowskis (sp?) specifically worked with Giger on set designs for the creepiest stuff (the "squiddys", the creche, etc.).

      Delete
    3. Giger wasn't involved in The Matrix, but he's been mentioned as an inspiration, design-wise.

      Delete
    4. I'd argue Keanu is bland, not bad.

      Delete
  2. I first saw this movie knowing even less than you did, and was BLOWN AWAY by the whole thing. Audacious and incredible concept and special effects. Felt like punching the air and yelling for a sequel as the credits rolled.

    I wish I could hold onto that feeling, because the sequels are TERRIBLE. They don't live up to the concept, they overdo the effects and they have an overwrought plot that isn't a tenth as clever as it thinks it is.

    Just leave this movie series right here and keep on looking forward to the amazing sequels.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Like Big Trouble in Little China, this is a fairly standard-model martial arts movie modified with the addition of a novice protagonist and some special effects. There are a lot of classic Hong Kong films that would be good next steps.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is nothing more than Plato's Cave Allegory, except in slow motion and sunglasses. It's a spectacular movie however, on Star Wars' level at technical impact angle.

    Skip the sequels. They're not good enough and you have better movies to watch.

    Also yes, Keanu Reeves has not acted since Bill and Ted. [/hyperbole]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Credit where credit is due - he was good in Parenthood.

      Delete
  5. Amusing sidenote: The bar where Neo and Trinity first meet is a real place in Australia. When the directors saw it, they realized it was weird enough they could just film the whole scene there with little alteration.

    Also, Drunken Boxing is a real thing. It's actually a traditional Shaolin form.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait seriously? Do they actually get drunk to do it?

      Delete
    2. No, it just has movements that resemble stumbling around in an inebriated fashion. In *movie* Drunken Kung Fu, however, the practioners are often seen equipped with a jug of booze to "power up" before (or during) fights.

      Delete
    3. At some point Jackie Chan's "The Legend Of Drunken Master" should come up on your list of things to watch.

      For something a bit more lighthearted, I would recommend Men In Black

      Delete
  6. Jeremy, nothing that anyone does in the movies with guns is practical or realistic.

    Yes, drunken boxing is really a thing, and it's awesome. Here's a demonstration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFKkGaQr00E

    You can probably take or leave the sequels, they're not as good (though I like them better than most), but you might check out the compilation of animated shorts, The Animatrix, which is just a bunch of unconnected short stories in the same world.

    There is a LOT of trans subtext in this film, on top of all the philosophical, Christian, and Buddhist allusions. All the stuff about self-image and the system using one name for you that's different than the one you think of yourself in terms of and all that? It speaks to us. In the original script, Switch (the tall albino girl) would have even been played by a male actor in the real world. Perhaps unsurprisingly, one of this movie's co-directors came out as trans a couple years ago. I'm a huge fan of Lana Wachowski, so I'll stop myself before I fangirl much harder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "nothing that anyone does in the movies with guns is practical or realistic."

      Well apart from "Heat" for one - the gunplay in that movie is very realistic according to those who can tell, culminating in the best movie shootout of all time which is one great moment in a movie full of them- if "Heat" isn't on Jeremy's list it should be.

      Delete
  7. The Matrix is hands down my most favorite all time movie ever! So much so that whenever websites ask for your "Favorite Movie" as an added security question - yup! The Matrix!

    Unfortunately, as others mention, the sequels aren't nearly as good. They are still entertaining and have a few really good moments, but are also full of unnecessary drivel and attempts to be more profound than they are able to pull off successfully.

    Minor tidbit trivia detail for you though: When they take the elevator to go to see the oracle, guess what floor they go to?

    13th ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly? I'm in an extreme minority here, but I really like the second one a LOT. Unlike the vast majority of sequels, it actually has a legitimate reason for existing, thematically--it takes the premise in new, surprising directions and expands on the ideas of the first one in interesting ways (including what could be interpreted as a sort of self-criticism of the "rebel against the system" mindset). It's got some problems (too much exposition, for one, though that exposition actually makes sense, contrary to what a lot of people say) but it's still a much better movie than most people give it credit for.

      The third movie is where the cracks start to appear, but even so, it's got some really good stuff in there. That dock fight is amazing.

      Delete
  8. Of course, the actual sequel to the matrix is called "The Lego Movie", which should also be on your list :p

    ReplyDelete
  9. I adore horror films, watch a ton of mind-fuck stuff, and The Matrix is the only movie that legit freaks me out. IS IT REAL OR IS IT MATRIX? Gimme a pill. Do it now. I don't love the movie, but I do respect it.

    If you want to see Keanu Reeves act, move The Gift up the queue.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Maybe it should have been obvious, but I missed so much stuff the first time I watched The Matrix. Like whenever Nero eats something in the Natrix (cookies, the red pill) he's ingesting computer code. He "dies", reboots with the new code the Oracle gave him, and now he's the One.

    "What am I waiting for?"

    "Maybe your next life."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interestingly, the cookie Neo bites into is obviously not fresh from the oven, but crunchy like a store-bought Chips Ahoy hard cookie. I always wondered if that was on purpose.

      Delete
  11. He whispered "there is no spoon"

    ReplyDelete
  12. also now I want a picture or schematic of the Nebuchadnezzar with the quote "wow, it's like an even shittier Millenium Falcon" below it, now plz.

    ReplyDelete
  13. "hey Badly, got a question for you: Are you a god? No? Then DIIIIIIIIE"

    You are ridiculously awesome and you make me happy. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Heh heh, I was wondering how long it would take before you realized that Neo was Ted. :)

    Later on you can probably watch the second two movies if you feel that you really need to see how the series progresses and ends, but for now they're quite inessential - you've better things to be getting on with.

    The earlier "copper top" reference, by the way, is linked to Morpheus' explanation of what the machines use humans for, and his showing Neo the battery. "Copper top" = Duracell, so Neo is being (insultingly) called a power-source. That's something that you probably don't get until a second viewing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He said "wow" and I realized I'd heard that before, though longer and dumber-sounding

      Delete
  15. I burst out laughing at "TRAIN HAS NO TIME FOR YOUR SMITH"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was waiting to throw "no time for your smith" down as soon as someone took him out. Did NOT expect it to be train.

      Delete
  16. For fun, here is a matrix drink add which you may enjoyed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxtpYawmc6I

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  17. "Copper top" = reference to Duracell batteries. Money would refer to their batteries as "the copper top battery."

    Given Neo's current purpose at that point in the movie, it makes sense.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Drunken Boxing is real in the same way that King Arthur was. In myth and legend, likely with some kernels of truth but mostly just stories.

    That said, you should absolutely check out Jackie Chan's Drunken Master movies. Especially the original one. Both are very good and very funny, but the original would be an absolute riot with your writing style.

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  19. Now that you've seen this movie, you really have to read LotR before watching it. Or when you read the book you won't get the images of Mr. Smith out of your head... (He makes a terrible elf.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Part of me really wants to read Noise saying "wait - ELROND is AGENT SMITH!" That would be awesome.

      Delete
    2. I want him to see Priscilla, Queen of the Desert for the same reason.

      Delete
  20. It's interesting that you noticed the green filter the movie has when everyone's in the Matrix. The first time I watched it on my TV, I thought something was wrong with the colors on my TV until it was like 'Duuuuuh'... that's showing its inside the computer.

    ReplyDelete
  21. "WAIT I KNOW WHO HE IS HE'S BILL OR TED YESSSSS HAHA"

    Aaahahahaha! Classic.

    I look forward to your second thoughts on this movie. Also, do yourself a favour and put Blade Runner on your list.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, it wasn't on the list already? Geez.

      Delete
    2. Well ok yeah, it's on the Big List, but that's got probably hundreds of movies on it, which at this rate could take years to get through. But I meant that our blogger here ought to fast-track it to the 'Next on the List' list.

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  22. With two Keanu Reeves flick under the belt, it now occurs to me that you really should see Point Break.

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  23. This was the film that made geeks cool. The implication that, if you were sufficiently good enough at computers, you could rewrite reality led to a lot of long leather coats and shades. :-)

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  24. Been reading since post one, but decided to join the comments. Jeremy, I love what you are doing with this.

    Since no-one has mention it yet, spellings - "Nebuchadnezzar", and "Morpheus"

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  25. Pretty sure this is the first film to use what they call "bullet time" -- the super-slo-mo you see in a lot of the fight scenes. In that opening scene, when Trinity leaps up into the air and the camera pans around her in that crouched pose, just before she kicks the cop . . . that fucking BLEW EVERYONE'S MINDS the first time they saw it. (It's still an absolutely gorgeous shot. They storyboarded the hell out of this film, and it shows; you could screencap half the film and get wonderfully iconic images.)

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