Someone told me over on RPGnet that they were getting tired of my first impressions posts because I comment way too much and make it hard to follow. To that I say: yeah, that's probably my bad. Going forward, I hope to do better, and since this is my first sports movie...
Well I might be in trouble.
So Rocky is a sports movie, I've heard. It's in a black box, so it's dark, but there's like five movies, so it's either dark where the main characters don't die or dark where some necromancer hits them with Animate Dead and then bob's your uncle the sequel's a horror movie. I thiiiink the first one.
• Rocky's probably the hero or heroine. I lean guy since sports movie, slow cultural progressions, kind of a rough name to begin with. I could be completely out in left field on this one.
• There will be stairs.
• There's an embarrassing dance set to some kind of funky music.
We actually thought I'd have to rush this one since apparently Netflix was taking them all down on Canada Day. Fortunately, Lacy came through with this huge box set, so I'm betting Rocky's going to keep being a thing and giving it its own tag. Now then... let's go! :D
LION. Paying attention now.
THIS IS THE EMBARRASING DANCE MUSIC
and Jesus. How d'you do sir.
BOXING. Alright, I'll take it.
That man looks like he's been punched in the face several times. Coincideantlly that's true.
Hello Rock. You're a fella. I smell underdog story.
Annnd Rock uses Rage. +4 Strength.
"You need it more than me, buddy."
Oh come on lady, that's not nice. Also it's "rectum," not "bum"
The face sweats. Well do I know that feel.
Aha, this is Stallone. I've heard of him.
Nice neighborhood considering it's like under a railroad track. Doo doo DIT doo...
Did he steal their hackysack?
Man decorates with garbage. There's a radio that looks like it's from my great aunt's place.
Aha! Poster! Rocky Marciano. Wonder how that ties in.
Heheh "If you guys could sing or dance..." Sorry Fella.
Picture on the mirror... does he have a son? Ohhhh he's got a son and he doesn't live with the son. You guys are messing with me already aren't you.
She doesn't look like she's ever felt full of life.
I smell a love interest!
Wait did he just steal... turtle food? And now he's walking around with a stick.
He's employed, at least. AND IT IS NOT A GOOD JOB IS IT
Man's not a pawnshop, guy, he's got NO TIME FOR YOUR COAT
Gasso's driver is just a rectum, isn't he? Let's not be seeing any more of him.
I was never one for the bag. Some guys like it, I don't care for it.
Demoted by a mouse. Awkward.
HAHAHA Mickey's got NO TIME FOR YOUR SHIT, Rock.
Man sounds like a pissed-off frog with throat cancer.
"You're a TAHMAYTAH"
ROCK THE RECTUM FIGHTER. POWER OF AN APE. STYLE OF AN APE.
I love Mockey
I can see the typo but I'm leaving it there, it works so well
This is a very awkward way to interact with another human being.
"Flying candy." Well, when one goes missing...
This is a steam room?
Well, there's a big ol' cut on your eye, that's something wrong with your face.
Charming fellow, Pauly
He's going to expect flying candy now, you know.
Is that a real world champiuon boxer or someone made up? I don't know boxing.
"Maybe I like garbage!"
Rock, don't be a dick. Better ways to handle this, eh? Don't go calling children whores.
Though I will say it would be awesome to have a friend who was a yo-yo.
OHEY IT'S THAT GUY so Apollo is made-up then IS HE GOING TO FIGHT ROCKY OF COURSE HE IS I feel very smart now
That's a handsome fella. Hell of a 'stache
It's funny, it's like there's this period of movies where they're slow. Pirates was fast, a lot of my older movies were just stuffed with dialogue and performances... there are a lot of slow
OH NOT THAT RECTUM AGAIN
"It's his prostate" YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS
Gasso's a strange fella. We'll give him a pass for the 50
"How about Rocky Lastname?"
THE ITALIAN STALLION. "One of his descendants" indeed. :D
I am sold.
A MONSTER MOVIE. YES INDEED. I like this guy.
I missed it, what's with the kids.
You've asked him like three times, Pauly. Class act you are.
I'm sure his sister does NOT know.
WHO CALLED IT? THIS GUY
NOPE. ENEMY NUMBER ONE HAS BEEN FOUND. NOBODY THROWS OUT A WHOLE TURKEY IN FRONT OF JEREMY.
Rocky, come on, brains man
Don't do it, don't play his stupid game, don't push the lady
HE's got an immense verbal tic, you know?
That's a yes... ish
Don't you thank him for the bird, you punch him for the bird. THAT BIRD HAD A NAME AND ITS NAME WAS SUPPER
Love the quibble over a dollar. I've got no context of prices at this time period, whatever it is
Learning what a south paw is. Explains why they don't want Apollo in there with him.
HEY SHUT UP MAN.
Adrian, you should kind of talk or something, perhaps?
There we go. She was even having fun right there.
Agreed about the shy.
"Real sharp couple of coconuts" he's got this weird charm
"Half a rectum" come on now, man.
I feel like we're about to hit a consent gray area that I'm not gonna be comfortable with
Haha Cuff and Link
OH IT'S HIM alright okay that's a load off my mind let's go relax and feel iffy about this
Maybe they'll just have an embarrasing dance
This is feeling very coercive. She's NOT comfortable and you're just oh please stop doing this
annnd now he's taking off her glasses. She does have nice eyes but I DO NOT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING
SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO KISS YOU BACK WELL ISN'T THAT GENTLEMANLY OF YOU
Someone in the comments tell me if I'm misreading this ecaue right now it just feels REALLY not cool oin the consent side of things
ehhh mayyybe she's on baord after all
right well then
HE's got a really odd way of carrying himself.
YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW
OKAY I'M GONNA TELL YA
Love Mickey. He's a hell of a straight-shooter that guy
HE's like a dried-up pruney old Jimmy Durante and I tell you Jimmy Durante has BEEN dried-up and pruney so that's like... I don't even know
That man has a straaaange face.
Rock's like "come again?"
It always amazes me how the America card comes into play and works so often. I guess I just don't have the convetext
Ah, Philadelphia. Good cream chese from there
I never heard of either of those things. Just for the record. And yes, Apollo knows how to play his crowd.
WHOOSH THAT WOULD BE MUCH MONEY INDEED
YO ADRIAN IT'S ME. Class act, Rock.
She's not wearing her glasses! I smell characte deveilopment
Pauly wants your money. Good damnation I do not like that man
I like these two crazy kids. They make me smile
Gasso, you're being a strangely class act again. AND HE TAKES THE SMOKE. You're a better man than I could have called, Gas.
All I'm seeing is Jimmy Durante.
Rocky's wise to everyone now. Mickey, get a read on him. He's paying you back, guy.
"but I ain't got no locker" THERE IT IS. RED LIGHT. RUN AWAY.
I'm guessing Mickey wants to be his MANAGEMENT
"I needed your help about 10 years ago" WAY TO HIT THE FEELINGS, MAN
IT STINKS. And a lot of build up resentment just got laid down there
We have a management!
HAte 4 AM. 4 AM is the bad time. Always be not awake when 4 AM comes around, I tell you
For the record, don'\t do egg drink, egg drink baaaaaaad
This brings to mind all sorts of times going out to do physical crap early morning
Speed skating, passing drills, I remember jogging round the rink STAIRS I SEE STAIRS
That right there, the stitch in the side from going too fast when you're not in shape
Stinks where you live too, Rocky, shut up. No, the only thing Pauly kills is my faith in humanity
That's lovely in a really dumb way "we got gaps"
He's here to punch stuff into tender meaty goodness, sint he
YESSSSSS I LIKE IT
Guy come on ladies have needs too
HE's like muttering Italian Batman int hat thing
MOVE YOUR LITTLE CHICKEN ASSES
The fuck do you mean women weaken legs
She's looking BOLD. What a change
AND HE'S GOT A DOG
Pauly you're just drunk and nots what's with the hat in the face
WHAT ABOUT YOU INDEED.
In charge of the meat go fuck off Pauly nobody likes you
"YEs, a few times a week if they don't have a girlfriend" :D
Now see there's a man who's going to lose hard and ugly for not training
And there's one who's worried about the one who is REMURDERING COWS
HE IS RE-MURDERING THE DEAD COW
Annnd Worst Santa has a challenger for HIS title now. Get the hell out of eveyrwhere, Paulu
WHAT THE FUCK PAUEL
GIVE YOU WHAT no you arte going to fuck off and die
that's a cheap shot and I don't know how Rocky didn't take off the fucker's head
EAT LIGHTNING AND CRAP THUNDAJH
BECOME A VERY DAAAANGEROUS PERSON
Oh here we go
it's happening now isn't it it's ALL ON NOW HE'S GONNA KILL A PAULY
or not and I feel stipid
HEY WE HAVE MUSIC
Old stonework bridges like thos ealways fascinate me
What's the point of the little tiny bags?
TRYING HARD NOOOOOOW
Just a whole bunch of clips of his training strung together. Cool to see how he';s clearly deveiloping
GETTING STRONG NOWWWWW
THE STAIRS ARE DEFEATED NOW
YESSSSS CONQUEST OF STAIRS
FLYING HOW NOWWWWWWWW
Sold. All ready for the showdown. Rocky's the turtle here and Apollo doesn't know it HE ACTUALLY EVEN HAS TURTLES THAT S AN AWESOME THING :D
just be a tremendous thing, to walk in this place where you're going to be THE GUY
That one little detail and you can just see how it makes him soooo nervous
IT hjust makes me think how impossible and unreal all this must seem to Rocky.
This win is going to feel so damn earned I am on board with this all the way
YOu can beat him, get in there.
What's that mean?
I don't understand the distance. I do understand that tHIS IS SAD AND LET US HAVE theeeere we go
She's completely transformed, eh?
What's the nose stuff?
That is one FIERCE LOOKING 'STACHE MAN
"BE A FIGHTER NOT A BILLBOARD"
I AM SO STOKED FOR THIS FIGHT
I thought boxing was more than three rounds
Oh here comes a parade of silly
What a badass name, too, Apollo Creed.
NON=-REGULATION BOXING SUIT SAH he looks like a big flag hehehehe
THEME MUSIC AGAIN :D
Now there's a name I've heard. Joe Frazier.
Whoooo that is a 20 pound advantage and I'm betting aaaalll muscle
Knock that damn hat off, Rock
Tortoise, meet HAIR
HOHOOOOO! THAT'S ONE
YESSS the first time???! Serieously? awesome
"Dafuq wwas that?" Ohhhh he's taking it seriously now
Oooooh the body shots OWWWWWWW
that one was blood
THE NOSE oh well balls. I suppose that had to happen.
No it's not a show. You want a show, you ask the man for a show. You asked for a fight. Rock's got integrity
Creed's just all deadly muscle what was he muttering to him there?
Seven rounds ohhh shit Rocky's not looking good
OH that OHHHHH WELL HE LOOK SLIKE SHIT
Creed doesn't look so bad. This is going to need one hell of a comeback
Now Creed looks worn. Wasn't ready for this
OW. WHY THE FACE
OH FUCK. Is Rocky going to lose? Oh nooooooooooooo
HOW IS HE STANDING
THE BODY BLOWS FROM THE LEFT
WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY JUST DO TO HIM blood squirted all over DID THEY CUT HIM TO MAKE IT GO DOWN?
Crowd loves you, man. Make it happen.
OOMPHHHH THat's what that one had allll the ooomphLOOK AT HIM GO HE'S A RAIN OF FIST
WALL OF FIST
Is it over without a winner?
wait no WHAT HOW DID HE LOSE
HOW DID HE LOSE
Fuck off Pauly
Now that's a prize worth fighting for.
HE LOST. WHAT THE HELL.
He knew he would, too, didn't he
but hot damn did he ever give that jackalope the whatfor AND the business.
Alright guys, it's been a long day. Second thoughts tomorrow.