Monday, July 7, 2014

The Blues Brothers: First impressions

Let me tell you about the wonderful person you all know as Roomie. Roomie was out in that hot misery that some people call a city. He was out with a car. The car had a cooler in it. I don't know where either of those things came from, but that's incidental, we don't care about the story of how Roomie became an ice ride pirate. Actually that sounds awesome. Anyway.


So I'm coming off of an episode of Star Trek which I'll post about later because I'm really lazy and whatnotlike. Roomie shows up. He has a cooler. Inside the cooler is a tub of and I don't even know where he found it or how he knew but it was a tub of Moon Mist.

Now my second favorite flavor of ice cream is Tiger Tail. Tiger is "orange" ice cream with chocolate stripes; it's garbage, don't buy it. Tiger Tail ice cream is orange ice cream with licorice stripes. It's beautiful. It's splendid. We got it from Chapman's and they put ice cream in boxes, not tubs, and oftentimes they have designs such that if you slice the ice cream rather than scooping it, you get this slab of frozen hello beautiful that looks like a thing - the Canadian flag, for instance, or a checkerboard. Haven't had it in a long time, miss it dearly, it was the best.

My favorite ice cream? Moon Mist. For those who don't know, Moon Mist is banana, grape, and bubblegum ice cream all swirled up into this pinky, purpleblue, pale yellow frozen hello beautiful and it tastes like enchantment and summer memories. It's also usually only available from ice cream places where you'd go to get a cone, and I am of course in a no-cone state right now. AND SOMEHOW THE BEAUTIFUL CRAZY MAN FOUND A TUB AND IT IS IN OUR APARTMENT.

Also we have pizza.

So I just want you all to know, coming into this one, that I am having a very good day so far and I hope this will continue the having of the day that is very and good.

Got a fan on, pizza and ice cream, and some good friends on hand. This should be choice. I know nothing about the movie except that it is about brothers who may sing the blues or be named Blues or be colored blue or maybe cause the blues. I've got nada. Except pizza and Moon Mist.

That's a dark and industrial-lookin place

That is bleak as hell, right there. This is gonna be a dark movie, isn't it.

Prison?

Correctional prison. Corrected re: prison.

Man don't mess with a guy who's sleeping. It's rude.

I feel like Faceless here is our main character. Why else would they be hiding his face?

That is a seriously big jail they've got there.

Jake. Hello Jake. Or maybe that's the name of his hand. Who knows.

"One gold lighter. Hello Sozay."

ONE SOILED. WELL THEN.

Hello hands named Elwood.

I get the feeling the man dresses in black.

And he signs with an X. Clearly a man of great intellect

This fellow also dresses all in black.

I found The Blurs Brothers, you guys

Nice beat on this song. Low and lazy wait isn't that a cop car?

They look like gangsters.

He traded a car for a miWHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN SEE THAT

Priorities bad.

Causeway. Many bad memories of roasting in a car waiting for one of these.

Wait wAHAT ARE YTOU DOING OOOOOOOOOOOOOookay then

What city is this? Did they say?

Orphanage, eh?

Is he Batman? Wait they're calling a nun "the Penguin?"

Well that wasn't creepy. Orphanages always have automatic doors. Watched over by Particularly Crucified Jesus. Leading to Psychic Nun.

These two don't appear to be in the face-seeing business.

AHAHHA Jake don't fall for it man WHACK you earAHAHAHA AHAHAHA HHAHAAHA YESSSSS

SHE'S GOT ANOTHER ONE

BAHAHAHAHA ohhh that's gotta suck to fall down stairs in a desk

Alright, the nun is VERY spooky. And I agree with Mr. Style here

Hold the phone blowing the harp? Also he totally just gave them a quest. This is an inn of sorts, they're drinking at a table, and he just gave them a quest. To see a cleric.

Oh let's have us a good run at Amazing Grace. Hey Reverend.

When he woke up this morning, he heard a disturbing sound. Now you know too

Oh here we go let's have a song HEY IT'S A BIG NUMBER TOO

What's up with him he's shaking like anything

AHAHAHAA YESSSSSS MAN HE DOES SEE THE LIGHT

JESUS H TAPDANCING CRHUST

Now that's a pretty griggin nimble stout fgella, just saying

The band? The band. The band? Can I get some of that light?

Maybe not right now, actually, I cannot afford to try dancing like that rirght now

 That was pretty catchy.

So they're going to go around collecting the members of a musical group?
\
HAHA A"I took the liberty of bullshitting ya"

Something tells me these two don't mix well with cops

HAHAHAHAAH WELL THEN THAT'S A THING ISN'T IT

Right well they won't add this to your record.

AHAHAHAHA "They're not going to cath us, we're on a mission from God"

That's a terrible way to escape. It's a parking lot.

YES. PARKING LOT BADWHATTHUEFUCK

WHATTHE WHAT IS HE WHATA RE THEY WHY ARE THEY CHASING THEM INTO A MALL

GOOD THING TOO, YOU'RE DRIVING A CAR THROUGH IT

ohhh it hurts to laugh
\
Jake why are you pointing out shops, are you asking him to drive through them next?

Tat looked like a nice set of drums too

YES IT DOES HAVE EBERTING, INCLUDING HIGH SPEED CHASES because you two are morons aren't you

hahaha the cops are just so screwed here

HAHAHA UPSIDE DOWN COPS

The music's just hilarious in context too

AND BOOM we're out of there!

 oh no not your watch

Well didn't they just make an enemy of the police force in ta bigwWHAT IS THIS MUSIC AND HOW DID IT GET SO FUNKY AWESOME that bassline is in my soul now

Love the car hiding spot

Hey look they're in Rocky's neighboorhood. Poor, dark, damp and under the trackWAIT I KNOW THAT FACE

THE FUCK IS THAT

Okay so what the hell just happened it looked like someone trying to assinate Jake with a rockey launcher

AND THEY'RE JUST OKAY WITH THIS. Who the hell are these guys?

"YEAAAHahhhwaawwokay"

Cheese Whiz what

That right there is a special kind of charming decor. Who else has their own train every five seconds

Ah look, they really are brothers

People live like that. I'm just floored by how honest I KNOW that is, like KNOW just deep inside that there are places where that would be luxury.

Didn't falsify those records hard enough, ElwooI KNOW THAT FACE WHO IS THAT

THAT'S LEIA THAT'S PRINCESS LEIA

WHAT THE FLIPPING MOTHER WHAT DUCK HFUCKING HELL VABLAZES S SHE DOING

No time for your demolitions. Mission from God. Excuse us please.

He's going to become a priest. "Well okay."

Hehehe the total sincerity of this man, I love it

They're going after a guy named Bones. I would give by other shoulder for it to be Dr. McCoy.

HAHAHA I just realized they must look just like detectives

MR MAYOR?

Please tell me this isn't the band, they're making me sad. And I've never heard a trombone play that hight

Allo Murh. Steve. DONALD MOTHERFUCKING DUCK. THAT'S THE MAN'S NAME

Oh well that'sprobably bullshit, right?

NOPE. That was a facial expression of NOPE

PARFUL NUFF TURN GOAT PISS INTO GASOLINE love it

Mr. Fabulous and Matt Guitar Murphy. What the fuck are these names and why are they not my names. This is a HAHAHAHAA I love it the mission from God comes back again. Ultimate trump card - quest from a deity.

THINGS NOT TO SAY ON THE PHONE: "Didn't you get five years?"

So what's the man's real name

Ohhhh this is gonna be a thing isn't it I'm already sold

So then a demon dog eats a guy right outside the windows and nobody cares

Someone's panicking. This one's the hardest of hard sells, I think

HAHAHAHA I mean They Smell Bad

Don't talk back to Elwood, he's got NO TIME FOR YOUR STEMWARE

I'm with you little girl, this is hilarious

OH HE DID NOT HAHASHAHAHA OHHH FUCK NO

SELL ME YOUR CHILDRENS

AND HOW MUCH FOR YOUR WIFE AHAHAHAH yessssssss this is betrer then I could have exprected

Hehehehe SIIIIR SIIIIR

What's all this now oh what WHAT THE FUCK HOW ARE THERE NAZIS

I wish I could beleive that people like these people did not exist

I think the acroemnu for that comes out to Asswipe

Rectums. It's "rectums."

I'm with you, Jake.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS LOVE IT

So now they've got Nazis after them. Can they go piss off Vader and a dinosaur next, because then the whole thing would just be on.

Hot damn that looks like a place to be. Packed summer streets, live music, street stalls, fooood

That's some great pick-up kind of music. Solid groove. "I love that talk." Damn straight. "A-haw-haw-haw-haw" hehee lobing the old Crush and Coke logos, too and that's the happiest looking child

I want that man's hat

So that's the guitar guy they want. I like him

I'm with you, lady, dry toast is nonsense

HAHAHA Jake, that sounds like the best thing right now. Four whole fried chickens.

WAIT does that mean he alwas orders that? Cause that's fuckin awesome

This guy's the first one who just straiht-up wants to see them. AND WAY TO PISS OFF THE AUTHORITY, ELWOOD

NO TIME FOR YOUR BLASPHEMY hehehe

Ohhh you done fucked up there Matt

MUSICAL NUMBER. LOVE IT

THE PIPES ON THIS LADY, HOLY SHIT that voice

I don't know how he's not part of the wall, getting sung at like that HAHAHA man on the counter just wailig awa on the sax AND NOW THEUY'RE DNACING TOO. THIS IS SURREAL AND JUST AWESOME

fREEEEEDOM!!!!!!!!

 Goddamn I want to go to a diner like that now, they're just the best places

HEHEHEHE and sax man's just running off to join them

HEhehe "Curl up and dye"

Hey there Crayz Princess Leia AND A FLAMETHROWER MANUAL. WELL THEN.

So is this the whole band now?

Love music stores too. Really I just like being places. Or maybe that's the trapped in an apartment talking

 Oh boy don't steal from a blind guy. Or is he blind? I think he's blind.

kid looked so sad I'm sad now

He's got a real stiff way of holdinHAHAHAHA "I'll throw in the black keys for free"

Ray, you're already my favorite.  And there's already a dnace group outside AND HORNS YESSSSS

so are we just all musical numbers all the time now because I AM ON BOARD WITH THAT

BEND OVAR LET ME SEE YA SHAKE A TAIL FEATHER

Massive street dance party. Awesome.

Super enthusiastic bird dance man

Arte tjese allr eal dances??

Like what the hell this is so awesome these are all real aren't they

Ohhhh it hurts to clap

Paused.

So like... this is a musical movie in disguise? Because this is fantaqstic. I mean, the other song was great, but these are like.. dance moves with crazy names that they've got this whole group doing all together and I have to ask myself "were these like actual crazes at some point?" I'm pretty sure at least some of them had to be, and the song's just great for it too. Is the man actually blind? Are the band actually playing? I don't know how much is true and how much is show but I don't even care because it all looks like a ton of fun. Like, when Jake told the band they'd never had more fun than when they were all togehter, I get where that comes from now because HOLY SMOKES that is some damn fun music. The horns were dancing, the guy with the tamourine getting in on the action, and our two nutty leads just going all in on it.

Folks, I'm ready for more. :D SO READY.

Resuming.

Man I feel bad he's not getting paid for that stuff. Ray, you're the best and a half

Did they really just tape an X over the other band's logo?

"HAve I ever lied to you?" Bet that's a yes

Ghostbusters, of course. That's who one calls.

OH HOLY SHIT psychopathic pigtails Leia

WHACK HOW THE HELL ARE THEY ALIVE

annnnnd they made a profit on getting flamethrowered and blown up. How about that

HAHAHAA ATHE ADDRESS STRIKES AGAIN

Wait so like their actual last name is Blues?

Okay then.

TYhat doesn't sound promising

  wait wait is he about to steal A VENUE? because that's bold as hell and I'm on board with it except THIS PLACE IS NOT AWESOME

"That's naaaahce" uhhhhh that accent.

AHAHA Both kinds. Counery AND westermn. O\m with you, Eldwood, this is NOT the place.

Hoyl crap the enthusiasm Jake'\s putting on. Guy's nots.

What

Why is there chicken wire over the stage

This sounds good. WALL OF BRASS.

Oh shut the fuck up you assholes this is real music

WELL THEN. That explains the chicken wire

Jake does not look impressed at all

Wait wat they like this music so they're STILL throwing beer bottles? WHAT the hell is wrong with these people

Elwood's having fun at least

NO SMOKING. WHIP. Best no smokling campaighn ever, I think

Sad lonely hick man tearing up

I wonder what the crap they played for the whole show

If the shit fits, wear it.

There's a stunt coming here, isn't there

OH COME ON WHO FALLS FOR THAT


BAHAHAHAHAHHA why the hell did they get there so late then

Oh shit did they just they just made even more enemies. OUR LADY OF FAST ACCELERATION hehehehe marvelou AND THERE 'S THE COPS.

AHHHAHAHAA YESSSSS they've made so many enemies that they're actually taking each other out

There's a strip of human leather in the sauna

 HAHA just realized they still have their hats on

"I know all about that, I been exploited all my life"

did he just play the blackmail carYEP.

"Mission from god" never stops being funny. Still hurts to laugh.

AHAHHAA THE BAND WAS JUST HIDING THERE

Hey, it's Curtis again!

Wy are they adversiting in a field okay this makes more sense

Hey it's the Rev!

Hahaha yesssss she got cuted into it

So they're just telling any lie tHAHAHA HE POSTED IT UPSIDE DOWN ohhhhh crap they'll all find them

Uh oh.

OH CRAP. Now the band's gonna kill them

Wait a gas station without gas COME ON

what did he even just steal there

Middle of nowhere, Curtis

You're just telling literally everyone, eh?

HAHAHAH ARMY OF REDNECKS camped and ready

Elwood are you seriously

Yup.

Well this is a problem then, isn't it

WHAT THE HELL they just blew up an everything

Driving through sewers, apparently

Ahhhh hthat explains it

They did fill the place. Pretty awesome.

Wait what the hell

Where did the white everything come from

Who cares. That's some smokey jazz right there. AND IT'S C AROUD PAriticiAPION SONG TOO

AHAHHAHA the sneaking in time with the music :D

Guys everything about this is all kinds of awesome

HEHEHEHE just out-scatting them all like a master

Curtis is the best WHAT ARE THEY UP TO HERE

AHAHAHHA HE GLUED THE GAS DIDN'T HE

Wait so he's going to blow up the cops' tires?

Love that the band's getting into this too

What a great song. Ohhhh so it was like a ... what? Just his charisma classing up the performance?

Yessss. Fat Cop, you rock.

After you.

Annnd it's the ladies. Of course.

MORE MUSIC.

Curtis, you old scalawag, you're thre greatest.

The audience has no time for your shit, boys.

OHHHH YESS THAT BRASS STINGS AND IT'S SEXY

"We welcome all the law enforcement, thanks for coming" ohhh it hurts so much to laugh

It hurts to clap why don't I learn things

the hell is Elwood up to is it a harmondsica

What a groove

AHAHAHA just waving at the cops like it's nothing

What a great harmony in the horns

I can't even tell you how much I'm enjoying all this

"So this. Tada!"

1400? They owe him more than that, the piano was 2 grand right?

So the implication is that they played more than two numbers, I hope

WELL FUCK

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW

"Nah it's cool, it's cool"

AND FOR THE COMMON GOOD

Someone stole my broken, unfueled car while I was waiting for a tux BOOM the eyes come out

BAHAHAHAHAA and just like that they're off AHAHAHA YESSS ALL THE COP CARDS

"IT's dark and we're wearing sunglasses." BOOM.

This is the best movie. This is the best everything. It's insane in the best way :D

Boys, I think they found more cops to chase you with

HIS PEDAL HEHEHEHEHEHHE UYESSSSSSSSS

Blues Brothers 1, rednecks 0 SHE DID GO TO THE MOTEL HAHAHAHAHA

So they both jilted love interests on the same night AND THE CHASE HAS ?BEEN ON FROM NIGHT INTO DAY

Uh oh, the NAzis are coming after them now

And the chase music is just so cool about everything

what the blazes are you doing

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING COPS YOU HAVE MORE BRAINS THAN THAHHAHAHAHA OH SHIT HOW MANY ARE OGING TO FAL DOWN THERE

BOOM into the truck "HI!"

"This is car 55, we're in a a truck :D " love Fat Cop, he's hilarious

Mounties, boat cops, HAHAHAHA USE OF UNNECESSARY VIOLENCE HAS BEEN APPROVED. WELL SHIT GUYS, IT'S ON NOW ISN'T IT

ther'es been a smile on my face for like twenty minutes now and it's huring

THE JUMP RETURNS and the coms smash each tohter instead

LEarn to drive, guys

Uh oh, they're gaining

HEre we go again how many cop cars are they gonna wreck

That's got to be waaay to fast to be driving in a city

ANOTHER ONE BAHAHAHA AWESOME LIIK AT THE PILE look at that insane pile

AND THEN THE RIDE OF THE VALRKERIES annnnnndwe have NAzis everyone

This looks ridiculously dangerous and I love ti

The jump again nope

WHAT THE FUCHOW DID THEY COME ON NOT EVEN

They were NOT that high in the airBOOM don't even care, just amused

INTO THE BUILDING. Well of course. A mall could take it, after all

HAHAHHHAHAA OH FUCK IT HURTS TO LAUCH SO MUCH

that's not even anything like a car anymore.

 this is where Hold Portal comes in handy

"Down the hall" like it's not even a thing that these two are running like crazy peopl

SWAT team

THAT'S THE ARMY. THEY BROUGHT THE FRIGGIN ARMY

Snipers HALICOPTERS HAHAHAHAH

"PArdon me, my giant army of law enforcement would like to know where to go" "Sure"  AAAAAAAAAARGH

Why DO they say "hut" all the time

ahhh he broke the elevator

That will not be enough

THAT will not be enough., Guys it's still just wood

HAHAA and then back in 5 minutes

They don't evven realize the scale of all of this YANK.

HAHAHHA YESSS JUST BLOWING THROUGH IT

WELL THEN. DO NOT FUCKING MOVE.

And so it begins where it ends, with a few extra heads in the mix for good measure. Is the whole band actually in the hoosegow or just the Blues Brothers? Either way this is a fun closing number. We're gonna jam to this, so I'm going to sign off now. Have an awesome day, everyone. :D

32 comments:

  1. Fat Cop is John Candy. He is a wonderful comic actor who you will hopefully see in such things as Spaceballs and Stripes. Also, the guy at the end who they hand the money to is Steven Spielberg who directed the Indiana Jones movies and Jurassic Park, among many other things.

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    1. He would love Spaceballs. He would understand all the humorous Star Wars, Star Trek and Alien parodies.

      Shatner is the greatest...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLoua3Ge3iY

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lul-Y8vSr0I&feature=kp

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    2. Yep. In one of his few credited roles as an actor too. :)

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    3. Don't forget Home Alone and Uncle Buck if you want John Hughes-written films with both John Candy and Macaulay Culkin!

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    4. I'm just sad you didn't pick up on my favourite John Candy line (wonderfully absurd in a movie full of wonderful absurdities) "Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips." :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRp8GrXffhA

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  2. the lady with the pipes is Aretha Franklin and you better have some "respect" son :-)
    Everyone and I mean Nearly everyone in this film is a blues music god or godess

    Not kidding this movie may just the touchstone of my love of the blues

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    1. Holy smokes I'm going to need all of their music like... five hours ago.

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  3. I never knew any of those flavors exist. They sound awesome.

    Yes, the blind gentleman, Ray Charles, really is blind. Anonymous already mentioned Aretha. I can tell we have a few things to show you about music.

    I... think this movie takes place in Chicago?

    This movie was the first time I became aware I was seeing a Star Wars actor in another context (I didn't see Indiana Jones until I was a little bigger.) and it weirded me out.

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    1. Yep, it's set in Chicago, and was actually filmed there.

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    2. Surprised he didn't catch that Elwood was Ray from Ghostbusters. :)

      And leave us not forget Cab Calloway, John Lee Hooker, and JAMES MOTHERFUCKING BROWN.

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    3. It weirded me out too, definitely, I'd love to get more music in me. Love some music.

      Also THAT WAS RAY? I couldn't tell cause they just... I mean I never saw his eyes, but also he sounds completely different. Wait, didn't he say "who you gonna call" in this movie too? :D

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    4. Yep. Dan Akroyd, mainstay of the original Saturday Night Live (on which the Blues Brothers first debuted). Ghostbusters and Blues Brothers are his only two really big/good movies, unfortunately.

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    5. I dunno, Trading Places was pretty big and also good. He was good in Grosse Pointe Blank too.

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    6. Whoop, forgot about Trading Places.

      It's not that I don't like Aykroyd, I do, it's just that it's hard to think of good movies with him as one of the leads apart from those three. And Coneheads, but I may be alone in liking that one. (He's the villain in GPB so that doesn't count.)

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  4. They didn't just get handed a quest. From what the Penguin said two fallen Paladins got handed a mission of atonement.

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  5. Heh, Psycho Princess Leia.

    Glad you enjoyed this one!

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  6. "This is gonna be a dark movie, isn't it."

    ...no.

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  7. One of my all time favourite movies. I'm glad you liked it too!
    GP

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  8. I literally teared up with joy from this recap. So much fun. Also, Matt "Guitar" Murphy, Blue Lou Marini, and pretty much anyone else who played an instrument in Blues Brothers were real musicians, mostly using their own real names. This movie was Belushi and Aykroyd's love letter to the Chicago blues.

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    1. Indeed, Aykroyd loves the Blues so much he founded a restaurant/venue chain themed around it.

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    2. That's just all kinds of fantastic. :D

      Sort of a weird thing to say, but I'm glad to hear that I made you cry.

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  9. "This is car 55, we're in a a truck :D "

    But where's car 54? :)
    GP

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  10. This is one of my favorite movies, and it's been way too long since I've seen it. I had a blast reading this - you made a rough Monday so much better!

    Side note: The green Ford LTD station wagon the Nazis drive is the exact same make, model, and color as the car I learned to drive on. I cannot tell you how much I loved the scene when it wrecked.

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    1. Always happy to brighten someone's day. :D

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    2. I once had a tape of this movie with a "making of" featurette at the end, where I learned that that wasn't just a model of the car falling; they actually dropped that car from that height with a helicopter, and you're seeing it fall for real all the way down except for the final shot where it lands.

      I also learned that they were VERY lucky to find an abandoned mall they could use for that chase scene. :D

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  12. Watch this before and/or after the second Aliens movie for moral support. ;)

    You'll find many a line from this movie referenced heavily online.

    Yes, all of the band members were real musicians and those are their real stage names/names. Many played for the likes of Eric Clapton, The Allman Bros, and many others in the 70's and 80's.

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    1. Damn right. They asked Paul Shaffer to find them some good musicians to form the band, and wow did he deliver. The whole rhythm section of the band is the MG's from Booker T. and the MG's. Matt Murphy is one of the best guitar players of all time.

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  13. Let's not forget that the prison guy ("One... soiled.") is Frank Oz, voice of Yoda (and Grover and a million others).

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  14. This recap was pure joy to read.

    And yes, Jer, all those dances were real. My mother used to do all of them in the 1960's!

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  15. The soundtrack is well worth tracking down, but it's missing a few key tracks. Jake and Elwood are listening to Sam & Dave in the car before and after the mall chase. The street musician singing before the music store is John Lee Hooker, a blues legend, performing Boom Boom Boom.

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