I'm sure a lot of you got taught about the old saw, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I'm going to pretend like I don't know that one; if I don't, this will be an awfully short review.
So that was a movie. That was not. Great.
Obviously the music made me want to just switch it off and do anything more productive with my time. It was bad from the get-go and never really got better. The villain is lame, the villain's henchman is lame, the villain's other henchman is lame, the main character is the sidekick, the main character's kind of pointless and annoying, and the special effects make me think that the walking trashcan from Star Wars was inspired by comparison.
I was going to go off on this long spiel about ice cream here, but that will wait. For the moment.
Were there any good things about Ladyhawke? The cast seemed pretty good. Mouse has some clever (if one-sided) repartee with God that I rather enjoyed. The joust/duel at the end was pretty awesome. Throwing a claymore? Cool. The castles? Actually awesome. The idea behind the story was a bit poignant, but there was absolutely no payoff whatsoever. They both stand in the room and then someone says the curse is done and just like that, everyone's fine. The bishop might have like five lines in the whole show, and spends almost the entire climax just standing there with an almost-smug look on his face. I didn't see the need for the monk to be a drunk, and I think I'm going to stop here for a moment and say it's a mark of how much blah this movie was that I don't remember peoples' names.
I've got nothing more for this one. It felt like someone thought they were being hip or stylish or artsy and just tossed away a lot of money on a forgettable movie. And forget it I shall, forthwith and forsooth.